Pre-wedding Parties

Who pays for the bridal shower / bachelorette??

Hi all, I'm under the impression that the bridal party splits the cost of the shower/bachelorette party. However, despite my best efforts and trying to schedule these things so that all the maids can attend, two of them have flaked out on being able to be there. I still think they should split the cost... is that the correct attitude? or are they off the hook bc they won't be there? Thanks for the input!!

Re: Who pays for the bridal shower / bachelorette??

  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You should never throw your own shower/ bparty. Whoever hosts it pays for it and or figures out the money situation with the other hosts. You only get one if someone offers to host, and it is not a requirement for your bridal party to all be there. Leave the money discussions to them and stay out of it. Whoever offerred to host gets to discuss with the others. Maybe they aren't financially able to help and forcing them to is not a very friendly thing to do. Plus, its not your decision at all.
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  • edited December 2011
    No. You should not have anything to do with planning any of these parties. If someone OFFERS to throw them for you, they will pay for it. Your WP is not required to host them or help pay for them. If you are throwing them yourself and then asking them to pay for it, well, that would be pretty bridezilla. If no one wants to throw them or can afford to do it, you won't have them. These parties are not requirements.
  • edited December 2011
    FYI: I'm not the bride. I'm the Maid of Honor. I spent a long time trying to coordinate the dates so that everyone in the bridal party could be there. Then, after I booked everything, 2 of the BMs flaked out. That is where I am right now.
  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In that case, the answer is still no. If you are hosting, then throw a party that you and the other girls who decided to host can afford. If 2 don't want to host, they are not obligated to. Along the same lines, they are also not obligated to contribute financially. If they agreed and then flaked on helping, then there maybe underlying reasons (they can't afford to host, something else has come up in their life that makes it difficult for them). The same reasons may apply to why they can not attend. Just because they are BM doesnt mean they have to attend or host any pre-wedding parties, although it would be nice for them to. Flaking out is never a nice thing to do to anyone, especially if they offerred in the beginning to host, but there is not really anything you can do about it.
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  • edited December 2011
    Ok, you are MOH, that makes more sense. No, the BMs are not obligated to help you host at all, just as you are not obligated to host. What you should have done is said "Bride, I'd like to host a shower and a b-party for you. Could you give me some dates that work?" "BMs, I'm hosting a shower/b-party for bride on X. Is anyone interested in helping?" Then based on who was helping (or if it was just you) you could make a budget that works for you. If no one has offered to help host, they are not on the hook to help pay. In my area, b-parties are usually dutch (everyone pays for their own drinks) but the host still covers the other expenses, limo, hotel, whatever she chooses to do.
  • edited December 2011
    The hostess or hoestesses pay. if they are not attending then they are not hostess . So who is planning the party that person or people pays
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Did you all discuss budget and arrangments and plan together OR did you plan this out and then tell each girl how much she owes? It is NOT up to you whether or not the girls attending must split the cost.  If they volunteer to do so then great, but if they aren't even attending I'm betting they weren't decision makers or had any final word in the plans.
  • edited December 2011
    If it's a casual dinner/drinks out with a lot of people, it's *usually* assumed that the guests will offer to treat the bride. It might not be kosher, because inviting someone to a party and asking them to pay isn't nice, but many people do that.If you are hosting something at your home, or renting a room, then you need to pay for the food, etc. If some of the BMs want to pitch in, maybe ask each if they can be responsible for something or if they'd mind splitting some of the cost.If you can't afford it, don't host a party, or scale it back.
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  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    >>two of them have flaked out on being able to be there. I still think they should split the cost... First of all, I have only heard of a BM "flaking out on being able to be there" at the bridal shower twice, for really important reasons.  Where I live, the bridal shower is a very big deal and all the BMs are there.In the cases of these two BMs, YES they still paid their share of the shower costs.I have never heard of a BM missing the bach party, but I would assume that if a BM had to miss, that BM would still pay her share of the bach party costs.>>is that the correct attitude? No, not really.You can't really "assess" the BM to pay you a certain amount of money whether she'll be there or not.  If the BM offers to pay her share, then tell her how much that would be, etc.  If the BM does not offer to pay her share, you suck it up and divide the costs among those BMs who will attaend.
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