Pre-wedding Parties

RD "issue"

I will have many out of town guests - gparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. - here a few days before the wedding. Is it poor ettiquette to not invite them to the RD? I think it's terribly rude to not invite them, my fiance's parents want to keep this "as cheap as possible" and keep it just to the immediate family and bridal party.

Help! I'm about to go all bridezilla on someone!
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Re: RD "issue"

  • edited December 2011
    It's a nice gesture to invite OOT guests, if it is in the budget. If not, just make sure the bridal party and immediate families are invited.
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  • edited December 2011
    Immediate family and WP (and all their SOs of course) should be invited to the RD. It's not rude to leave OOT guests off the RD guestlist, it is rude, however, to insist someone else spend more money on the RD than they are comfortable with. If you want to contribute to the RD iand your ILs wouldn't be offended/upset by your contribution and resulting increase in the number of guests at the event they are hosting, go for it. Inviting OOT guests is a loveley (if unnecessary) guesture.
  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Retread is right:  No. OOT guests expect to have to get meals and housing while traveling for the wedding.  The only people who must be invited to the RD are those involved in the wedding. I really, really doubt your OOT guests expect an invitation.

    I have never heard of OOTs being invited to the RD in real life. 
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rd-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:107a2198-8995-4320-945a-9f4a13a7ec30Post:35e171ba-314c-48c6-930d-85b9689f6596">Re: RD "issue"</a>:
    [QUOTE]Retread is right:  No. OOT guests expect to have to get meals and housing while traveling for the wedding.  The only people who must be invited to the RD are those involved in the wedding. I really, really doubt your OOT guests expect an invitation. <strong>I have never heard of OOTs being invited to the RD in real life. </strong>
    Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

    Kristin:  you have now.  At our son and DIL's wedding OOT guests were invited to the RD.  They were relatives that were coming in just for the weekend, and it gave us a chance to catch up with them for longer than just at the reception.

    Son and DIL were fine with it, and it was a nice time for all.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I went to a wedding where the RD was basically a reception, but that's because it was kind of a destination wedding for everyone except the couple's grandparents. Since the grandparents couldn't travel, and the were the only living grandparents, they decided to have the wedding where the grandparents live. So everyone traveled at least a state - most of us more - and because of that (and because it was in the budget for the groom's family) they wanted to have an RD that included everyone.

    If you'd like to do something with your OOT guests, I would suggest a homecooked family dinner while they're in town, if they're there early enough, or a lunch or brunch or something. Dont' try to pressure your FI's parents to go over their budget for the RD... that or have a less formal RD in someone's backyard for a BBQ, where the budget could stay the same but more people could be involved.
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  • LuluP82LuluP82 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rd-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:107a2198-8995-4320-945a-9f4a13a7ec30Post:11d913df-3305-4d4a-813e-c585ab429c17">Re: RD "issue"</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RD "issue" : Kristin:  you have now.  At our son and DIL's wedding OOT guests were invited to the RD.  They were relatives that were coming in just for the weekend, and it gave us a chance to catch up with them for longer than just at the reception. Son and DIL were fine with it, and it was a nice time for all.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    Trix-- my MIL also included all of our OOT guests (meaning, all of our guests, since we were the only people who lived in the DC area where we got married, except two guests, so we obviously included them too) at our RD. It was so nice to have the extra time to spend with everyone, and it was great that my MIL was able to do so.

    The biggest issue we had is we had a small apartment. If we'd been in my MIL's hometown or my parents' hometown, we could have used one of their houses for a nice house party, but as it was, we had to find a 2nd venue big enough to fit everyone, and of course, distinguish it in some way from the actual reception. But it was easy enough to do.

    It's not unheard of to include everyone. It's just NOT an absolute must. I also agree it's much more rude to request your ILs to spend more than they're comfortable with than to not invite OOT guests to a RD.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    We are usually the OOT guests at family weddings. Sometimes we are invited to the RD, sometimes not. We don't expect to be invited, but are pleasantly surprised when we are.
                       
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