Is it ever okay to decline a shower hosted by your future in-laws?
The day my fiance proposed was the happiest day of my life... until we broke the news to his family. Although his mother knew for over a year that he wanted to marry me and knew for over two months that he would be proposing very soon her reaction was less than appealing. Her reaction was a very simple monotone "That's a pretty ring" and then she changed the subject to cats (of all things!). Next we told his sister who was clearly surprised and said an obligatory "Congratulations" with a slight pat on the back before she too changed the subject (this time to her problems at work). In both cases nothing more was said about the subject. The saving grace was his brother's overwhelming support and reaction to our news!
I try not to take their reactions personally because I know their issue is not with me. They're very protective of my fiance because he was married before and his ex-wife walked out on him. They've also experienced divorce within the family (his father left his mother when he was young). So basically they are two very broken, very hurt women who don't trust easily. My FMIL still does not ask me anything about myself or my daily life - I'm not sure if she just doesn't want to get attached to me for fear I'll leave or what? The thing is she's super generous to everyone else around her so I really can't figure it out...
After their less than thrilling responses, and the fact that they still have not taken a vested interest in our upcoming wedding I'm am worried about a potential offer to host a shower (if they even offer of course). I cannot seem to let go of my feelings that they "tainted" what was the happiest day of my life thus far - it still hurts. If they do offer to host a shower I would like to politely decline and have discussed this with my fiance on the grounds that I don't want any 'obligatory' showers, I think showers are a joyous occasion and should be thrown for celebratory purposes not obligatory purposes. He agrees with me (given he wasn't thrilled with their attitudes either and he feels my hurt feelings are valid).
So...IF they do offer do you think it's okay for me to politely decline??
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