Re: Vent/ Rant on Showers

AliandDan2010

This may be longer than I intended it to be.... sorry in advance...

So, I live in VT, as does my FIL's my family and wedding are in NJ. My shower is in NJ... as is the wedding.

My FIL's informed my MOH that they were not to be included in my shower. That's my MIL and 3 SIL's. Two SIL's are Jr BM's and 1 is a BM.

I know every family is different, everyone does things in their own way.. yadda, yadda... but i'm disappointed. The SIL that is one of BM's is going to come to my shower in NJ, I knew she would, I figured we would make the drive together if anything.

Now my FMIL says she'll do something in VT instead but she is not communicating or returning any calls, emails from my Mom or MOH.

I guess I just envisioned one shower and everyone being together... it just bums me out. I really wish my MOH didn't tell me about it. I feel like I would have rather not known seeing as it's a surprise anyway. By then I would have been so excited I wouldn't have time to be as upset.

I consider myself a pretty even keeled bride but this whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth... I feel crappy and I'm not supposed to know anything about this anyway.

On top of it there is this whole NJ wedding stigma attached to the wedding from the FIL's- they're from VT typically it's a tent wedding or something and in NJ it's typically in Hall. (Both similar in price when you include all the rentals you need for a tent wedding). They aren't paying for anything so I don't understand why they feel the need to be so "city wedding, city people" about it.

Any advise on "brushing my shoulders off" would be appreciated. I want to just enjoy the experience and not let all this little crap bother me but sometimes it's difficult not to be affected.

Thank you lovely brides!

SuMmErKuTiE

I'm sorry! I'd be bummed too if my FMIL and FSIL's weren't going to be at my shower. In fact my mom and MOH moved the date of my shower from this weekened to 2 weeks from now because FSIL is away on vacation and I wanted her to be there.

I understand the long drive and the inconvenience of needing to go to VT from NJ for a bridal shower, but I'm surprised that's keeping your FMIL from attending a bridal shower for the woman marrying her son.

As for the local shower she said she'd throw in VT, I'm sorry it seems like nothing is being planned for that. I always say, "Maybe it's a surprise?" But if not, don't set yourself up for disappointment.

AliandDan2010

Ugh, I know... and my Mom and I had decided that the best thing was to have everything done in June so that we could really focus on wrapping things up in July so FMIL goes out of her way to plan things mid July when I'm not even going to be here- I'll already have went to NJ for the remainder of July to wedding plan and bask in that wedding attention that I don't get here.

Thank you for your advise- I feel like if you expect others to do for you what you would for them you'll always end up disappointed.

SuMmErKuTiE

You're welcome, I'm sorry this is happening. Everything starts going haywire in the last few months. I had my first semi-breakdown the other day.

I know what you mean by others not doing what you would do for them, I've taken on almost everything myself because I'm OCD and a control freak. Everyone keeps asking to help, and I haven't taken anyone up on their offers yet because I must be crazy! Haha.. well good luck and I hope everything works out. If your FMIL plans a shower for when you've already left for NJ, you should just make the trip back up for the shower since she went out of her way to throw the shower. I understand she didn't take your schedule into consideration which is rude on her part, but if she throws the shower you should still try to make it up there and attend.

AliandDan2010

Oh no!  A break down?! Why??? For me the begining was hard and the end is getting stressful... but in a way where I (like you) don't want to ask anyone for help aside from my Mom because we're OCD as well.

Good luck to you too! Your wedding is right around the corner... you must be so excited!!!

I know, I know... about the FMIL and her shower... I'll go... and GOD willing will be able to put a happy face on. haha.

Have fun with the rest of your plans! And congratulations to you! Thanks again for listening!

SuMmErKuTiE

Oh don't worry it was a normal "wedding is almost here and everything is stressing me out" bridal breakdown. Nothing major, just stress!

Yes, I can't believe how close I am, we both just want it to be here like NOW!

Good luck to you too! You're about a month behind me so yours will be here too before you know it! And enjoy your shower(s) and all your family and friends who make it out for them.

MairePoppy

Wait a minute there. It's not unusual for the brides family and grooms family to have separate showers, especially when they live far apart. I'm estimating it's a three to four hour drive, one way, between Vermont and NJ. That's a lot of driving time for a shower. And then everyone will have to do it again for the wedding.

Your FMIL came up with a solution that would allow more of the VT people to participate. The only problem is with scheduling. Just let her know that you are not available those few weeks before your wedding. And if you stay out of the planning, you won't be stressing about it.

amwilli5

I understand 2 showers and hate for you to make the 6-8 hour drive, ( I live in Vermont and drove to Jersey last weekend actually) but I guess sometimes we have to suck it up. Luckily my wedding is here and FMIL decided to wait until my mom and MOH fly up which is a couple days before the wedding for my shower.  But hey I get to party instead of stress the days leading up to my wedding.  I'm sorry girl, it sucks

tommyandy

Send them an invite anyway so they don't gripe about being left out.  If they choose not to attend it's on them, not you.

AliandDan2010

thanks girls! I guess what anooys me is the fact that there isn't anyone here to have a shower with anyway. I also don't like that she said "don't include me or my girls in the shower" if this were the only thing I would really care less but lets just call this one the straw that broke the camels back.

I really appreciate your advice and support though... I should have started posting on here sooner... I think it's easier to get feedback from girls in the same place as you than complaining to others that aren't...

You're all awesome!!!