Pre-wedding Parties

OK for Mother of the Bride to host Bridal Shower?

I just read on a wedding etiquette website that it is never OK for a mother of the bride to host her bridal shower. However, My dad & step-mom (who raised me) are paying for the majority of the wedding, along with my fiance's parents. My mother practically begged me to let her throw my bridal shower, because she wanted to contribute and be "in charge" of something. Is it OK to break the rule in this case??

Help!

Also, does anyone have ideas for how to make my bridesmaids (esp. my MOH) be involved, even though they aren't hosting the shower? I want them to feel involved and like they contributed, but I'm not sure how to go about it.
    
    
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Re: OK for Mother of the Bride to host Bridal Shower?

  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    A mom hosting a bridal shower is not taboo in my social circle.  I've been to several showers hosted by mothers of the bride and no one seemed to care (as far as I was aware) but that is only my experience.

    I'd also tell your bridesmaids contact your mom and ask if she wants help, then step out of all the planning.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I have been to many wedding showers hosted by the MOB and MOG. It doesn't matter, to me, who throws the shower. And I have never heard any of the other guests say anything negative about it.
    You should let your MOH/BMs know that your mom is planning a shower. If they want to volunteer to help out, in some way, that's up to them. They might be willing to each prepare a dish for the shower or help with the decorations or invitations. That's completely up to them.
    If your mom wants to do it alone, then that's okay, too. The MOH/BMs might be happy to know that they are not expected to take on that responsibility. You shouldn't worry about that. Like PP said, you should just step out of the planning.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    My mom is hosting a bridal shower for me.  I don't see any problems with it.

    Maybe your bridesmaids could make some food to bring to the shower, help you send out invites, make favors if you plan on giving any favors out at the shower, set up decorations for the shower, keep track of who brought you what presents when you opened them so you don't forget when you are writing thank-yous!
  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In my social circle and family it is still viewed as innappropriate for any member of the bride's immediate family to throw a gift-giving event.  But, I know that many families and groups no longer follow this so as long as it is okay with the people in your life I see no reason why you can't do it.
  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have never heard of a mother or FMIL not hosting one. Usually it is them or an aunt.

    When my best friend got married, her mom had us bridesmaids host it, which I actually thought was rude because we all had to put in $100 for it, which it ridiculous considering we had to cover the bachelorette also.
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  • cjl5072cjl5072 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Yeah, I think my MOH wants to be involved but quite frankly I think she's really glad she doesn't have to pay for it.

    Thanks everyone for your input, I really appreciate it! And my mom will too :)

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  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My mom offerred to throw one for me, but I declined for other reasons besides the fact that she is my mom. In my circle(s), its not inappropriate, especially for a bride who has already been out on her own and is no longer dependent on her parents for monetary support.
     
    The etiquette standard is there from long ago when brides went straight from their parents' house to their husband's house. At that time, it was seen as gift grabby for the parents to not pay a dowry, and then to invite all of their friends to give gifts to their daughter to help with said dowry. Those times are long gone for most brides, so I think the etiquette standard is outdated as well.
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  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My mom and MOH are hosting my shower next month together. In other words.. my mom's paying for it but MOH is helping her with the planning. I don't see the big deal... anyone aside from the bride can host the bridal shower. 
  • MrsParker6411MrsParker6411 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think it would be ok. I havent asked anyone to be in the wedding yet, we still have a year but my 2 aunts have already called dibs on throwing me a shower. And im sure my mom will be a big part of it too. lol. Of course my bridesmaids will be invited and if they want to be involved in any way they are more than welcome to.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    It depends.  This rule comes from a time where the bride still lived with her parents when she got married, and has been changing as women support themselves before marriage and the bride's family is no longer hosting the whole wedding.  

    It really just depends on your social circle.  Have many of your friends/family had showers hosted by their mothers?  That's a pretty clear indication of whether it's accepted.  
  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This is a somewhat outdated rule, but I chose it depends.  If you are having a small shower with mostly family and a few very close friends, where any of those people would probably have been willing to host the shower, and your mom just happened to be the one who organized it, I think it's fine.  If you're inviting 100 people to the shower, you're more likely to have people in that group who will see it as gift grubby for a mother to throw a gift-giving party for her daughter.
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  • dianenjnjdianenjnj member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    what has been done in the past  to circumvent the "family not throwing the shower" rule is this:

    mom, organizes, pays, etc.,  but lists bridesmaid/s as hosts on the invites.


  • edited December 2011
    My mom is paying for my shower.  My bridesmaids are going to help her out by doing the invitations and centerpieces.  We have a large family (which leads to a large guest list) and so my mom didn't want the girls to pick up the cost since it is at a retaurant and the price is per person. 

    Most showers I have been to have been paid for by the mother of the bride.
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  • edited December 2011
    I am the bride and i see nothing wrong with it. My mother and godmothers which are my aunt and cousin are throwing my big general bridal shower. A few of my co workers wanted to do something so they are helping my mom again throw a lingerie shower for me. my MOH is 8 months pregnant so for me it is kinda rude to expect her to plan it. She is planning my bachlorette along with my bridesmaids and paying for it so I feel to do both was asking a lot. I think it really depends on the relationship you have with your mom and what else the bm are paying for because a shower on top of all the other expenses might break their bank and friendship.
  • edited December 2011
    Msladyface... question:
    Why is this wedding etiquette (a mom hosting a bridal shower) okay to break, since your argueement was that it is outdated... but when talking about inviting people to a shower and not to a wedding, or having a pre-wedding party you say you have to follow wedding etiquette. I just dont understand.. y does a wedding have so much to do with what someone said you should do a long time ago? Things have changed.. y is it such a big deal to follow some rules but not others?
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