Shower & bachelorette but no wedding party?

[Deleted User]

My good friend is getting married in September. Her husband doesn't have friends he'd want to ask to be in their wedding so he's told her he doesn't want any attendants. My friend and I are pretty sure shed have asked us if she was having attendants and I know she's pretty upset about not having bridesmaids. I was married about a year and a half ago and I think she was more into the wedding stuff than I was!

She doesn't have any family in the area and is not close with her future in laws. Do we offer to throw a shower and bachelorette for her? Added complication is that I'm pregnant and due in June (so am just about in my third trimester) and she lives 2 hours away. I'm also actually in a wedding the weekend after hers so I've got the other set of pre-wedding parties that I may or may not be able to make depending on the dates and baby's arrival. It's a lot and can get expensive but I feel like she's being cheated out of the experience of having bridesmaids.

Do I approach her about throwing something or will she feel like I'm trying to be a bridesmaid when I'm not?

Blue_Bird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_shower-bachelorette-but-no-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:72a03022-ea00-49ee-b29f-c24fdca3684fPost:94872cb6-d8c3-405a-92c2-3ec25af2f3c7">Shower & bachelorette but no wedding party?</a>:
[QUOTE]My good friend is getting married in September. Her husband doesn't have friends he'd want to ask to be in their wedding so he's told her he doesn't want any attendants. My friend and I are pretty sure shed have asked us if she was having attendants and I know she's pretty upset about not having bridesmaids. I was married about a year and a half ago and I think she was more into the wedding stuff than I was! She doesn't have any family in the area and is not close with her future in laws. Do we offer to throw a shower and bachelorette for her? Added complication is that I'm pregnant and due in June (so am just about in my third trimester) and she lives 2 hours away. I'm also actually in a wedding the weekend after hers so I've got the other set of pre-wedding parties that I may or may not be able to make depending on the dates and baby's arrival. It's a lot and can get expensive but I feel like she's being cheated out of the experience of having bridesmaids. Do I approach her about throwing something or will she feel like I'm trying to be a bridesmaid when I'm not?
Posted by PhotogBride[/QUOTE]

What a sweet idea! Of course you can do that. Throwing a bachelorette party or bridal shower has nothing to do with being a bridesmaid. That said, it seems like your schedule is pretty packed, so it might be too much for you. It's really up to you, and what you think you can handle. Perhaps someone else will want to help.

Also, it's pretty sad that she and her fiance don't think she can have attendants simply because he doesn't want them. That's pretty selfish of him, but it's her choice.

AddieCake

Ditto Blue Bird. It's not only the bridal party who can throw these parties.

erinlin25

It would be very nice of you to offer a pre-wedding party!!  Talk to her other friends or if you know her family touch base with them too so you maybe can get some help.  On another note, just because groom doesn't want attendants, does not mean she can't if she really wants them!

PhotogMomm

Thanks ladies!  I'm going to talk to one of my friends today.

And I know that just because he doesn't have attendants it doesn't mean she can't but he's pretty much told her "if I have no attendants you have no attendants"    Makes me sad.  I know she's sensitive about it so I haven't pushed the issue with her.  I think maybe if she has attendants and he doesn't, he'll feel like it's pointing out that he didn't have anyone to ask (although I'm not sure why he can't ask his BIL or father, but it's not my place to ask).

lalans

One of my friends didn't have attendants, but a bunch of us girlies took her on a night out, went to the bridal shower her Mom's friend threw for her, and also hung out with her pre-wedding while she was getting ready.... We just didn't have to buy expensive matching dresses, so it was a win all around!  Even if you can't actually go to some of the events because of the baby, helping plan them would still meen a whole lot to your friend I'm sure, especially if she is sad about not having official BM.