Pre-wedding Parties
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Bridal Party Question... (Partiallly venting...)

Ok ladies... I don't really know how to word this, but here goes...

So all of my bridal party live in all parts of TX, and I love all of my girls to death, but I have no clue how anything is going to get done, taken the fact that none of them know each other.

Like the Bridal Shower, and Bachlorette Party... I know that I would love to have these, but I don't want to have to plan my own parties... How would I ask my girls if these events are going to happen, without being too pushy... I am totally okay with not having any of these parties, but I just want my girls to get to know each other a just a little before the wedding... 

And I'm feeling overwhelmed, even though my wedding is December 4, 2010, and I have gotten almost everything done, its just the little things that are bothering me... And my Matron of Honor is my FI's brothers wife, and I love her like she is my own sister, but she has 3 kids to take care of, and its hard to get a hold of her... My other BM is in nursing school, and the other two are really stressed with their jobs as well...

I knew after I asked them it would be hard to do anything since we all live at least 3 hours away... But its still kind of stressing me because I asked them to be a part of my special day, and I feel like no one is really helping... Sorry ladies this is mostly venting, but any advise will help :)
Everyday is a miracle. Anniversary

Re: Bridal Party Question... (Partiallly venting...)

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    quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-party-question-partiallly-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:c0ea0d6e-9fe1-4704-96d8-a14a981f788fPost:6d98e9e8-6fec-413d-b11c-c260f9c0a545">Bridal Party Question... (Partiallly venting...)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok ladies... I don't really know how to word this, but here goes... So all of my bridal party live in all parts of TX, and I love all of my girls to death, but I have no clue how anything is going to get done, taken the fact that none of them know each other. Like the Bridal Shower, and Bachlorette Party... I know that I would love to have these, but<strong> I don't want to have to plan my own parties... How would I ask my girls if these events are going to happen</strong>, without being too pushy... I am totally okay with not having any of these parties, but I just want my girls to get to know each other a just a little before the wedding...  And I'm feeling overwhelmed, even though my wedding is December 4, 2010, and I have gotten almost everything done, its just the little things that are bothering me... And my Matron of Honor is my FI's brothers wife, and I love her like she is my own sister, but she has 3 kids to take care of, and its hard to get a hold of her... My other BM is in nursing school, and the other two are really stressed with their jobs as well... I knew after I asked them it would be hard to do anything since we all live at least 3 hours away... But its still kind of stressing me because I asked them to be a part of my special day, and <strong>I feel like no one is really helping</strong>... Sorry ladies this is mostly venting, but any advise will help :)
    Posted by MsAmanda923[/QUOTE]


    You can't plan the parties yourself and you can't ask for them.  You need to trust that if your BMs want to plan them, they are perfectly capable of figuring out how to do so.  Send around an email to introduce them to each other, let them know each others' names and relationship to you.  Then they will all have each others' email addresses and can communicate about these events if they want to.  If it doesn't happen, don't stress about it.

    It's not their responsibility to help you with planning your wedding.  That's your FI's job, and if you are really overwhelmed you should hire a wedding planner.
    Married 10/2/10
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    mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    What quotequeen said.  Bridesmaids and MOH are picked because you love them and want them to be part of your big day (which seems to be what you did).  They should never picked with the plan of them throwing you parties or doing stuff for you.

    Now if you want them to get to know each other before the wedding you could host a little get together for them.  You aren't the guest of honor, you don't get any gifts, you pay, and it's just a girls day to hang out and get to know each other better. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your WP doesn't really need to know each other.  They can use email or facebook to contact each other about planning parties, if they choose to.  Just send their contact info to your MOH and then let her get in touch with everyone.

    Don't worry if your WP doesn't know each other yet:  the only thing they all have in common in YOU.  They don't have to be, nor in all likelihood will they become a new social unit.

    They're adults who will be friendly and cordial to each other at wedding events, but that's all that they really need to do.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    edited December 2011
    The BMs and MOH are not your personal wedding planners.  Remember this - you asked them to be part of your SPECIAL day, not the 365 days it takes to get to that day.  My advice to you is to let it go.  Being in your wedding is not going to make these women instantly BFF.
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    edited December 2011
    My bridal party didn't know each other and didn't live near each other.  Since I don't see some of them as often as I like, I sent them monthly e-mails....just updates on what has been done, what we are doing next, information about wedding stuff....they have all gotten in touch with each other through those e-mails.  Maybe you want to connect them that way?
    Pregnancy Ticker
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    SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Most of my BM's didn't really know each other either. Some of them did but not very well. Ditto pp's about Facebook.. they messaged each other a lot on there and some of them did become friends through the process which was great.

    But a big fat ditto to the pp's who mentioned you shouldn't be planning your own pre-wedding parties. Your bridal party is under no obligation to plan these parties themselves, but if they choose to do so then great! Anyone other than the bride can host the bridal shower.. your mom.. grandma.. FMIL.. an aunt.. a cousin.. a friend.. the wedding party.. etc..
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    MsAmanda923MsAmanda923 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies for all the advise!! I think that I will start doing an email to everyone, or a FB message... I don't know how I didn't think about that!!!
    Everyday is a miracle. Anniversary
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    edited December 2011
    I have two cents!  Let me throw it in!

    So, here's my thoughts on the matter.  Everyone seems to be jumping on the "your wedding party is not your wedding planner" bandwagon, and while that is true, in my experience people choose a Maid of Honor not only because she's dear to you but also because she's the type of person who can handle the duties a MoH is expected to attend to.  Go look up the etiquette - there's a long list of things the MoH should be expected to handle, including giving a bit of assistance in the planning.  Not doing it all for you, no, but assisting where it's needed. 

    I have been a MoH more than once, and that is my experience of the role. 

    As for the pre-wedding parties, I wouldn't give up hope yet but I also would do my best not to worry about it. 
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    megginbaxtermegginbaxter member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    let me say that i completely understand your need for venting. this is a tricky situation. my BP is just my sisters. one sister has a busy household with very active children and the other has a very busy career.

    i did go ahead and plan my own bachlorette party- i'm having a destination wedding & have close friends across the country and wanted to specifically do something at the destination wedding site so my closest friends would more likely be able to attend due to money and time contraints. so i broke everyone's rule with that one.


    but then i started to get stressed as we were getting closer to the wedding day, there were no parties planned and my FMIL (as well as other guests) kept asking me about showers. i asked my mom what to do, which i would have done even if my BP were not my sisters.


    i knew my mom would understand and be sympathetic about this stress. i also knew that she would talk to her close friends about hosting a shower or offer to host one herself-which she did.


    of course, now i've had enough people ask me to host a shower that we've had to dropped the party my parent's were going to host and combine various hosts to showers so as to not have wedding celebration fatigue amongst the guests.

    point being- more than likely it will all work out just not on the timeline you (or your wedding checklist) think it should.

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