Pre-wedding Parties

Too many showers?

I am planning a June 2010 wedding and I dont think I have posted here before but I have a question about bridal showers. My MOH and BMs have offered to throw me a shower, as well as my FMIL and her daugher who is one of my bridesmaids (just with the women in her family, I know that some people think it is rude if family throws a shower, and I am not really here to argue about that, but this is less of a traditional shower, more of a their-side-of-the- family event). Also, it is likely that some of my mothers friends will also have a shower as they often do this for their friends children and have mentioned how they are looking forward to planning mine. My question is... should I be turning down one or more of these offers? I am not sure what the right thing to do is. I dont think the guest list would overlap much, but I am not exactly sure how it works with my close friends and family. I dont want to be rude or offend any of these groups of people, but I also dont want to seem like I am accepting too much.

Has anyone else received numerous offers for showers? Do you graciously accept them all? Do you say, I really appreciate your offer and so-and-so has also offered to plan a shower if you want to get in touch with them and help them out? Or turn down an offer? I guess I should probably just be thankful I have such a supportive group of friends and family.
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Re: Too many showers?

  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    As long as everyone invited to the showers is also invited to the wedding and as long as the guest lists don't overlap (except for moms and BMs), it's fine to have multiple showers.
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  • CJU06ALSCJU06ALS member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm having the same problem. FMIL and FSIL want to throw me one, bridal party will, and also my Aunt and Cousin. I've seen people have two and I know three isn't totally crazy but I don't want people to think I'm greedy either. I think my question is, the two family ones, is it just the Mom's that are invited to both and no one else? And then keep the two family ones seperate between his side and mine?
  • edited December 2011
    I'm in the same boat (and getting married June 2010, too!). We've been offered four showers -- and all couples showers! We live in the south, and I've noticed brides here tend to have multiple showers (I'm in four weddings this year, and every bride had more than one shower -- up to 5 or 6!). My northern cousins and family, however, think the whole thing is insane. I think that if you're comfortable with all the festivities (it gets busy!), and you make it clear to guests with multiple invites (meaning family and bridal party) that they are NOT expected to bring multiple gifts, multiple showers are fine. Ours divide nicely into groups -- one for college friends, one for my hometown family friends, one for his hometown family friends, and one for friends we've met through work. I'm a little worried my bridesmaids will feel like they have to attend all of them (even though I've tried telling them they absolutely don't need to) -- but other than that, I'm just excited to celebrate with our friends and family :) Like you, I'm just really flattered and grateful our families and friends are so supportive of our marriage.  Best wishes during your engagement!
  • limabean13limabean13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am a matron of honor at a wedding this summer. The bride and I discussed how both sides of the family want to throw a shower. In the end it seemed more practical to just let them do so and me help out. I am throwing a tea party that isn't with gifts but we are making a recipe book for her. 
  • edited December 2011
    Shouldn't your MOH and FMIL combine their showers? Your MOH's shower should include your FMIL and her daughter and anyone else on their side of the family that you would want to invite, so why have another with her? Its a good chance to get your families to mingle I think. 
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Several showers is more common where I grew up. Many people prefer not to have the large showers (40 ppl) and enjoy going to smaller showers (15-20). (Of course, whatever offer is extended, I would graciously accept).

    My mother's best friend is throwing me one with all my mom's friends. My FMIL is throwing me one with all their family. My parents friends are throwing us a couples shower with a different set of their friends (it's a tradition for the Bible Study they've been in for the last 20 years.... and no overlap of guests) And my friends will throw me a 4th shower. Both sides of my family are very, very social.

    All shower guests will be attending the wedding, so I don't see why it's a problem. I certainly don't expect several showers, but i like it better this way. It lets you spend more time with your guests.

    However, my parents and their friends are all in upstate NY, my FMIL is in Long Island, and I live in Boston. So there is no way of creating one shower. And I don't expect/want anyone to have to travel just to come to my shower. I don't expect my bridal party to be at any of them expect the one they are planning in town. So 4 showers sounds like a lot, but it's all my wedding guests from different parts of the country.


    IMy only reasons for not accepting a shower would be if my guests had to travel too far, or guests were overlapping for a second shower.
  • lacyellenlacyellen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    My MOH's are giving me a smaller Lingerie Shower in Houston,TX and my mother in law is giving me a large Bridal Shower in the Valley,TX. But is it ok if she is the only one hosting it and can I put her name on the invitations with out any MOH's/Bridesmaids name on it, is it proper?  I think it is a good idea because some people do not want to travel 6 hours apart and I still get to spend time with both sides of the family.  And besides I'm not going to say no to my mother in law if she wants to give me a party.

  • Anthriel22Anthriel22 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I dont see anything wrong with accepting any shower offered.  I wouldn't feel greedy, since you arent the one throwing the showers!  You are lucky that you have so many people that want to throw you a party!  My MOH had asked me if I wanted 2 showers, one for family, and one for friends.  However, we opted to throw one big one, since my BM's are extremely hard to pin down for a day for one shower, let alone two!  So I will have one big one, with 45 people, which may be a tad crowded, but we will get by....  I think however you end up doing it, its fine.  Sometimes smaller showers are nicer, and more peronal.  Have fun and enjoy!
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  • edited December 2011
    It must be a June 2010 thing because I am in the same boat and I am a June 2010 bride!  Mine got resolved though and I am down to 2...the reason being is that my MOH told me that I could only invite 10 people and that doesn't even cover half of FI family. She decided that it would be better if she just attended a shower instead of throwing one.
  • edited December 2011

    My BMs are all working with my mom to throw one shower for my friends and family. I also am active in my church and they always throw one when someone gets married. Although I'm VERY close with my friends from church I am only including them in the one being thrown at the church. The only repeat guest at both are my mom and FMIL. I think it is fine to accept a few showers as long as the same people are not being invited to attend more than one of them. Also, keep in mind your own schedule and sanity. If you have feel like you already have too many and someone else offers, I might just graciously say you appreciate it but you'd prefer it if they just joined one of the other showers already planned. You have lots to do as a bride...and oh yeah, the life that didn't stop when you got engaged!

  • mec986mec986 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm not a bridal shower person...i hate being center of attetion to open gifts and such.  So i made it clear to my Mom and my FMIL that i only wanted one from each side of the family.  We had some family friends offer and some aunts offer as well.  We thought of another idea for each of them that we would want, one threw my WP a luncheon, and the other wants to take all the girls out before the wedding for manicures.  This is all something that I'm much more comfortable with.  I think that its your day and you need to do what you want to do.  And don't make everyone come to like 2 or 3 showers...but if the guest list isn't overlapping...then think of what you want!
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  • lhartsf1lhartsf1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am getting married in April and I have 5 showers.  There are not over lapping guests excepts for bm's, my mom, and FMIL.  I think if you have a lrage enough guest list to split people up into multiple showers...you should do it!  People are offering because they want to.

    Happy wedding in June!
  • edited December 2011
    Ideally you only get married once! Enjoy it. Be gracious! And of course do not brag to one person, NOBODY that one shower was better than the other to avoid hurt feelings. Just speaking cuz i have a cousin that got herself in trouble cuz of her outspoken opinion. She had one pissed off wedding party and family let me tell you. LOL good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    I am also having just 2 bridal showers. My wedding is March 13, 2010. We had the first shower in December and are having the second the first week of February. The first was in my home town and the second will be here in Phoenix where most of my friends live. I think it's perfectly acceptable to accept any offer you get for a shower. It's their way of celebrating and supporting this amazing marriage you are about to commit to. Enjoy all the gifts and time visiting with wonderful loved ones and friends. Enjoy every minute of the wedding planning process. It should be fun and not all stressful. Sit back, relax, and enjoy this amazing time.
  • edited December 2011
    I am also a June 2010 bride and have struggled with the multiple shower thing. I do not like being the center of attention but I promised my nearest and dearest that I would behave and indulge them.

    My best friend MOH is hosting a traditional shower with @ 40 of my close relatives and friends. My FMIL and 4 other future in-laws are invited but not his entire group.
    My sister who is also a MOH and 1 other BM are hosting a bachelorette party.

    My colleagues are throwing a 25- 30  person bridal shower although only 5 of them are actually invited to the wedding.  (This makes me uncomfortable but they all know and did not expect to be invited given the size of our immediate family & friends. They just want me to see how much they care.)

    My fiance and I are extremely active in church and my FMIL wants to have a bridal shower there. The only problem is our church is huge and we had to be very selective about who to invite. We can't have a shower where just the wedding invitees are invited because it would just re-open wounds of those who aren't invited. My FMIL does not seem to get it.

    So, I say go for it! Those people who are attending your showers should be those who know love & support you. They should know that you are not seeking gifts by allowing the various showers but that you want to celebrate in a somewhat small setting with various groups.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone for your responses!
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm having 4 showers - no overlapping guests except for moms and I told them I do not expect multiple gifts.  I had several offers for showers - future cousin-in-law, cousin on mom's side, aunties on dad's side, and my mom's good friend.  While each of them offered to invite the other groups, I would hate to burden them with the additional cost.  I've had 3 of the 4 showers so far and I love that they are a little more intimate and I really get a chance to spend time with everyone there.
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