WR VENT!!!!!

danac2010

Ok so my FI and I had to make a difficult decision and not to have children other than those involved in the wedding at our wedding.  We choose a venue that we fell in love with and it was perfect for our orignial guest list but then my parents wanted to add more to the list.  Well I alraedy have a huge family (dad has 5 siblings each with at least 2 kids plus they all have kids and the same with my step mom and her 5 siblings).  I decided to limit my side of the family to aunts/uncles and 1st cousins only.  Well my step mom and sister just found out what we had decided to do and now are furious with me.  If I invite all the 2nd and 3rd cousins we will be so overcrowded that we won't even be able to get through the reception area.  I just wish my dad had talked to my step mom when I originally told him about this.   My step mom is so worried about offending someone.  I'm just so frustrated!!!  I can't make 200+ people fit in a room that will only comfortable fit 175!!!!!!!!  This is not about money its about space issues!!!!!! Sorry just had to vent!

cfibelkorn

Im pretty blunt with my family so I would just tell her....

"sorry but it just isnt going to work, this is my wedding and what I say goes. I understand your upset and if it offends you that much you are more than welcome to give up your invite so that a second or third cousin can attend."

and let her know its not a money thing...for safety reasons the venue WILL NOT allow more people. You just have to be up front and blunt with her it sounds like

danac2010

I've tried everything I can think of.  I flat out told her today that this was how it was going to be and then my sister calls me telling me I've upset stepmom and that I don't understand how this will affect the family.  Um how about honestly the cousins everyone is so worried about me offending are ones that I'm not close to and have 3-4 teenage kids that are old enough to stay by themselves at my aunts house.  I just hate "well you are going to offend family" that they keep trying to pull.  Why wouldn't parents want a night out without the kids.  When FI get invited to a wedding the first thing we do is call the babysitter so we have a night out with out his 5 yr old.  We love her but weddings are adult time!!!

MissesKB

I had the same issue. We ended up changing venues, causing a $1,000 lost. In addition, because of the larger, more costly venue, I had to forgo a few things that I really wanted. Linens, wedding booth, videographer, specific jewelry I wanted.

I know how you feel and wish you the best. If you decided to give in, try not to let it upset you too much and think about the marriage, not the wedding.

If you decide to stand firm, be prepared for a family fight from now until the wedding.

MsLaura31

Just curious who is paying... if your Dad and Step-mom are paying, then they kinda get a say in the guest list... It sucks, I know, but if they're paying you might need a bigger venue.

danac2010

Nope we are paying for 90% of the wedding.  We have paid for everything but flowers and cake so far.

ezzyv

If it means that much to them then they need to pony up the money to not only cover the lost deposit money but the additional money that it would cost to rent a larger venue, additional food, and other additional costs. Highly doubtful they are thinking of the costs of having all these additional people, they are just thinking about offending people. I know its not about money for you but if you put it in terms that they can understand, maybe they will not push as hard to invite everybody and their cousin. (couldnt help myself)

Wedding planning isn't a democracy.

Jay+Marissa

We had the same problem, and I will say, that if it is only a difference of inviting 200 instead of 175 and the max the venue fits is 175, I would just invite them. You didn't explicitly say that what numbers though, so it could be a different story

We invited 310 people to a hall that fits 280 max (250 comfortably, which is what we were shooting for) and 175 are coming...granted it is a popular wedding month. Not everyone is going to come.

We were worried about having too many kids come--if they are in-town, it might be a big deal, but if they are out of town, all of them wont come anyway.

We decided in the end to invite out of town family with kids, so it wouldn't prohibit them from coming.

SarahC02

(1st post!!)
We are doing a destination wedding and are also facing a space issue, our ceremony venue only fits 125 and between both families and all the friends we are having to leave quite a few people off the list.  We are just being honest with people that while we would love to have them space and cost are limiting factors.  It sounds like your stepmom is pretty set/upset, can you go straight to the non-invited family and let them know the situation and maybe they won't be as offended as your stepmom thinks.  Good Luck!

Jeff and Deepthi

This is always a hard situation. My parents are saying the same kinds of things and since both parents were willing to contribute we told them they can invite whoever they wanted but they would have to pay for them. It was our way of not having 600+ at our wedding. We didn't mind paying for them but wanted a smaller size wedding. Both our parents offered and said they would cover their guest. In that case we booked a bigger venue for them.

I hope it works out for you!

danac2010

Thanks ladies. I know its a hard situation and I'm going to deal with it.  My biggest things with all this is that we are paying for 90% of this and I asked for their guest list back in Dec when we were looking at venues.  Once we found one we loved I told everyone that there would have to be a few cuts from all guest list, I even had to cut some friends I see weekly just to make sure family that I never see except at funerals were included.  I sent all parties involved a final guest list and asked if they had any changes and they all responded no and now 6 month later after we have a ton of our money tied up in the chapel they decide they don't like the "rules" and want me to change everything.  I just got frustrated.  I talked to FI last night and we decided we would just go forward like planned and if the cousins I am inviting find it that important to bring all of their children then we would just deal with it when it happened.  I called my weddnig cooridinator and explained the situation and she said if that does happen she will gladly escort those with teenage/older children outside to the cocktail area to enjoy there dinner.  There are tables out there but no chairs.  I only have enough chairs for my original list.  Hopefully everything will go smoothly and no drama on the day of...its still 4 months away maybe things will change!