NWR: STUPID EX VENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Kinda long)

danac2010

Ok I had a bf back in college that I was on and off with for 3 years.  We broke up because we were trying long distance and it just wasn't working.  We both dated other people and remained friends.  Well he got married about 2 years ago and still would text me about sex.  It would kind drive me crazy but he normally caught me when I was out drinking and of course I would for some dumb reason text back. 

Well once I meet FI I stopped responding to sex text but ex would still send them.  He finally figured out that if he started the conversation as something other than sex I would text him back so as soon as he found out my step dad had cancer he would ask me about him and then turn the convo to sex.  I would stop replying and he would send a few more and then finally drop it.  Well FI found the text a fwe months ago and flipped (I don't blame him) and he told me to stop talking to ex.  I deleted ex from phone, fb, myspace, whatever I had with him on it.  I don't text ex back but found out today he is on my sister's facebook.  She has her status something about my step dad being back in the hospital and ex text me angry because I didn't text him.  I told him if he didn't always end up talking about sex then we might still talk and he would know what was going on.  He then flips out even more and keeps saying I'm settling in my relationship and he can't believe that I would let someone "control" me like FI is.  I told him FI was not controlling me and that the reason I stopped talking to him was because I respect and love my FI and don't want to mess anything up.  I told him I'm sure his wife would be just as upset if she knew that the entire time they have been together that he has been texting me for sex. 

I HATE STUPID BOYS!!!  I think I finally pissed him off today and hopefully will not hear from him again.  My sister deleted him from her facebook too. 

Sorry just had to get that out!  He makes me so mad and sometime I wish I just I made a clean break when we broke up but I was young and dumb!

EDIT:  I guess I should have stated somewhere in here originally that me, my sister, my FI, and my mother have told him to stop texting me especially ones about sex.  We told him this over a year ago and the guy disappers for a few months and then comes back around and the process starts all over.  I have heard from him since end of March and he texted today.

ewinkler1977

I don't know if my response will be unpopular and sorry if it is.  But my first question is why did you not delete him from your FB, Myspace, phone etc when he got married.  And why didn't you text him back telling him it was not appropriate and that he needed to stop.

At this point, you might want to look at blocking his number and I would talk to your sister and have her delete him from her FB and make sure your FB is private.

This guys sounds a bit wierd. But all communication really should cease in my opinion.

Also I'm very sorry about your step dad.  My heart truly does go out to your family during this time.

danac2010

I did erase him from all the above when he got married but he kept putting in request and driving my family crazy wanting to know why I would respond to him.  We were friends before we dated and all together have known each other 10 years now.  My family was there for him when his mom had cancer and when my step dad had an accident in Tyler (where ex and his family is from) they let me mom stay with them while slep dad was in ICU so we really were just friends for a long time after we broke up but once he got married he got really weird. 

I tried changing my number, deleted him from facebook, called AT&T and blocked his number but he works for AT&T and somehow every time my number changes he still finds me.  FI wants me to change providers but of course I am locked into a contract.  I am going to call them and explain that i wouldn't have to keep changing my number if he didn't have access to my information.  Supposedly there was an investigation into whether he was really using the system to get my info but there wasn't enough to go on and he is a store manager so I guess they let it slide. He is very weird.  It all has been since he got married.  Before that he was normal but maybe he was always weird and now its just obvious.

And thank you for your thoughts and concern for my step dad.  We are all in need of it right now. 

Mariah09202008

I find it odd that you wouldn't call him out on sending you texts relating to sex when you're engaged or even when you were justing dating your FI...If an ex was sending me messages that turned into sexual advances or whatever I would have stopped talking to him, blocked him from calling me (or just not ever answered when he calls, immediately delete his texts without reading them, etc), deleted him from any of my social networking sites and asked that any family members who knew him or were "friends" with him on networking sites to delete him as well.  Especially considering that the dude is married and still texting you things like that...what a creep.  I feel sorry for his wife.  Hopefully she has some idea of the scumbag that he is.

ETA:  Now that I've seen your response, it sounds like he's harrassing you.  But still ignoring friend requests, ignoring phone calls, e-mails, texts, etc is probably the only way to go with this guy... 

Tiffany618

I agree with everyone's thoughts so far.

I only have 2 things to add really:

1.  Stop responding to him
2.  Tell your family/friends he has made comments to you that make you uncomfortable... so if he bothers them about why you don't answer they can tell him why.  

I bet that will bring things to a halt quickly.

NMac2010

I have an ex similar to this, although he isn't married. We broke up when I was 19, yet still to this day he will send me a text, call, or try to friend request me on fb. I completely ignore it. He even calls me from random numbers so I won't recognize, and pick up. He knows I'm getting married, I've told him out of respect for my FI, to please stop contacting me, and that doesn't do any good.

Some guys are just a tad on the psycho side. Ignoring his texts and phone calls and requests will help, and after a while, it should all stop. I still get the occasional request, or a friend of mine will tell me that he called them or texted them asking for my number. They all are smart enough to know not to give away that information.

He even called my parents house a year or two back. He's insane. I mean, get over it dude, that was 8 years ago. We were together for like 10 months. Sheesh.

But, anyway, I agree, just ignore him. Don't dignify his texts with any kind of response, and delete them right away.

Telling him to stop probably won't help anything, if he's anything like my ex, he won't care, or understand why you don't want to talk to him. Obviously he sees nothing wrong with talking to an ex after he's married. That's the thing about crazy men like that, if they don't see anything wrong with it, they won't stop-they don't care about respecting your FI/SO/DH.

Worse comes to worse, threaten him with a restraining order.

cherrrylll

You can block him from FB so that he can't see you/find you. He sounds like a stalker. If he's using his job at AT&T to find out your personal info, then I would contact them and report him. Sounds pretty illegal to me.
I would have cut this guy off the minute he started innapropriate texts.
My husband would have given this guy a talking to as well and if it persisted, I would talk to his wife -- that would hopefully set his ass straight.

ewinkler1977

That does sound like a crazy situation but really you should let the past go and look at his actions now.  He is kinda acting like a stalker.  The fact you keep changing your number and he keeps getting it is just plain weird and a little pyscho in my mind.

I would firmly tell him he needs to stop or you are filing harrasment charges with the police and getting a restraining order.

A man, in my opinion, should not be sending another woman sex texts when he is married. That is just plain wrong.

I would not respond to any of his calls, texts, Fb messages etc and explain what is going on to your family and let them know they really need to remove him as a firiend on all  social networking sites

NMac2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_nwr-stupid-ex-vent-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:b76331be-9690-453e-9280-e36a917b2205Post:41264432-75ad-4b0f-9d96-7d96683fc335">Re: NWR: STUPID EX VENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Kinda long)</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband would have given this guy a talking to as well and if it persisted, I would talk to his wife -- that would hopefully set his ass straight.
Posted by cherrrylll[/QUOTE]

There have been many times my FI wanted to step in an answer the phone when my ex called, or texted me. I told him I didn't think that was necessary, that it would only cause drama. And although talking to his wife may tick him off enough to stop for a while, you don't know what kind of person she is, and that may cause ALL SORTS of drama that you really don't want in your life. That's my opinion, at least. I think keeping the spouse out of it would be beneficial for you and your FI.

You never know what someone is capable of. And if you contact the spouse, this guy may try and turn this whole situation around on you and say you're the one persuing him. Some men will try and lie to get out of anything, and if his wife finds out and gets upset, he's going to try and lie his way out of it. Which, in turn, could end up causing you drama.

danac2010

Well I did talk to family and they have all blocked him on fb, I'm at work so I will work on it when I get home and make sure he cannot find me anymore.  FI told me to keep my number for now because that is how all of the wedding related people are getting in touch with me and that we will go ahead and get a new phone from a different provider and use that one from now on.  I have contacted AT&T in the past and nothing has been done.  I guess my next step if he doesn't get all this through his head is calling the police and his wife.  I have threatened to call him wife before but I didn't go through with it.  This time I think I will have too just so she knows what kind of man she married.  I feel sorry for her and she seemed like a nice girl but he needs to back off.  Luckily he lives in another town so I don't have to worry about running into him or anything.  I have been ignoring his calls and stuff but today just sent me over the edge and I yelled back at him and he finally said goodbye so hopefully he really is gone!!!

bsn1752

You should call the store that he works at, not just corporate ATT.  Get the manager on the phone and don't let it go.  It's highly illegal using his work system to find information on you.  I worked for a major cell phone provider for years and that stuff does not go over well... I promise.  You need to call the exact place he works though.

ezzyv

Be sure to document every time he contacts you.

Myles+Tami

 I would totally tell the wife!

Maybe not EVERYTHING.. just because you don't really need all of the drama.. and she doesn't need to hear all of the explicit things he was saying. Surely she already knows or has some intuition about the scum bag she ended up with. Poor girl. But just let her know you have asked him to stop contacting you and he hasn't.

danielle_nichole

Hey, you said he works for AT&T?
I work for AT&T too, and I can tell you that it is a HUGE no-no for him to be looking up your account every time your number gets changed and that it is grounds for termination.
Does he actually work for AT&T or just somewhere that sells AT&T? If you give me information I can anonymously report him to our code of business conduct line and he can be looked into.
I know I don't post here much, but please let me help you with this, it is absolutely unprofessional and someone who is doing things like that should ABSOLUTELY NOT be running a store.
Plus, every time your account is pulled up there are tags on it from who pulls it up, so if he is accessing it in the store, we can definitely see it. (I work in customer care, I answer the phone when you call in, so I can see way more than a store can see)
Also, adding smart limits to your line you can block his number, his store #, etc etc, he does not have access to your smart limits settings, customer care is the only one who can get in there to view it, and technically we aren't even supposed to edit the settings unless in extreme circumstances.

danielle_nichole

Oh, and if he is sending you those dirty texts from his company phone then that is a violation of our business conduct as well since AT&T pays for him to have that phone..