Registry and Gift Forum

Wedding & Shower Gift Question

I got invited to a cousin's wedding and also her bridal shower, but we live in different states and I cannot attend either shower or wedding. Since we can't go to either event, I'm trying to figure out if I should send a gift for the shower and wedding separately, or just send a wedding gift? Is it OK to send a wedding gift a month or two early or should we wait til right around the date of the wedding?

Re: Wedding & Shower Gift Question

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    If it were me, I would just send one gift closer to the wedding. Not sure what the proper etiquette is!
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    It's up to you whether you want to get a shower gift.  Most people have a gift budget for the person.  If they get a shower gift, they get a smaller wedding gift than they would have.  Ex, if I were going to spend $100 on this person, I would spend $25 on shower, $75 on wedding or skip the shower gift and spend $100 total.  In that case, it sort of depends on what you see that you'd like to get her and what the price is.You can send the wedding gift at any time.  Just word the card so that she knows it is a wedding gift and not a shower gift.  We started getting stuff pretty much right after the invitations went out.
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    I'm with Retread. You really shouldn't have received the shower invitation. Shower invitations go to those who are the bride's closest friends, who hang out with her, who go to movies with her, who talk to her all about her relationship with her FI, etc. That's not you. But you could send a wedding gift - and you'd send that within a 6-week window prior to the wedding.
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    I think it's perfectly acceptable to send a gift as soon as you are aware of the wedding. I have a couple of friends mail me gifts early (like 6-8 months) because they thought it would be fun for me and FI.As for whether you should even buy a gift - you are not required, and shouldn't be expected, to buy a gift for an event you cannot attend. However, some people still feel the desire to get one, and that's ok too. It's hard for brides to decide who should get invited to a shower when people are OOT. If you invite them and they can't come, they might think you are gift-grabby. If you don't invite them so that you don't look greedy, people become offended that they were excluded. So, my suggestion is to take however much money you can afford to spend on a gift, buy something with it, and send it off. As soon as you'd like.
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