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Registry and Gift Forum

Register for Very Small Wedding?

Hi everyone, I was hoping for a little input so my FI and I can settle this once and for all...We've chosen to have a chic, very small destination wedding at a resort, with only 12 guests (our closest family members).  This is my second marriage and his first.  We'll be having a cake & cocktails reception a few months after the wedding to include everyone else, but even that will be simple.   While I have a small family who will understand my teeny, tiny wedding, he comes from a large, tight-knit Jewish family.  Weddings are typically a really big deal, so we'll be breaking the mold with our choice to get married privately.  I am inclined to put together a simple registry to make it easier for the people who choose to buy us gifts.  People are going to know we're getting married, even if they don't get an invite.  We wouldn't announce our registry, but I'd like to have it set up if they ask.  He thinks that it's rude for us to register if we're not going to invite all of our family and friends.  He's concerned that we would be further offending any relatives who may be upset they weren't invited to the wedding.  However, his mother believes we should register.  Would people want to bring gifts for the cake & cocktails reception?  That will be about 150 people.   Suggestions?  We're not *fighting* about this, but it's got to get resolved soon! 

Re: Register for Very Small Wedding?

  • Some people bring gifts to everything, but gifts are less common at an "at-home" reception. If your FI thinks its rude, I would hold off. I would wait, and if people start asking you to make a registry, do one then. There's nothing wrong with making one, but I can see how your FI would not want to put it out there. Of course, you never advertise the registry to anyone unless they ask, regardless of what kind of wedding you have.
  • I don't think there's anything wrong with registering if you don't publicize it. If the concern is his family being offended, make sure his mother is on the same page about keeping it quiet and only says something when someone outright asks her. Regarding the cake & cocktails reception - some people will bring normal gifts, some won't and some will bring small gifts like bottles of wine. Just don't call it a wedding reception because that tends to peeve people and can seem gift grabby.
  • We are doing something very similar and therefore registered. Our actual wedding is in 3 weeks and our AHR is 1 1/2 months away. Lots of people have purchased items off of our registry. No one has had a problem with it.
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  • I think it's fine to register because like you said, you're not really announcing that you have a registry. Personally as a gift giver, I would much rather there be a registry so that I can get them something they would like. My friends got married in France recently and I couldn't go as I just had a baby; but I really wanted to get them something and they never registered and are too shy to tell me what they want. I've been persisting on asking them and it's quite frustrating.
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