Registry and Gift Forum
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Gift for someone who didn't get me one?

I have a relative getting married soon.  I recently got married and he and his fiancee did not get us a gift; his parents are notorious in our family for not giving gifts (they did not get us anything either, despite leading a pretty extravagant lifestyle).  (All of them attended our expensive wedding.) I know a lot of people would say, screw 'em, don't give them anything, but I feel like I should be the better person and give them something.  Our family usually gives generous amounts of cash so I was thinking maybe I would just get them something in the $50 range off their registry - so I am getting them something but making a statement of not being too generous?  Or should I just kill them with kindness and hope giving them a generous amount of cash will guilt them into not being so cheap in the future?

Re: Gift for someone who didn't get me one?

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    If they dont normally give gifts then I would give them a $50 gift and be done with it. I wouldnt give more because if they normally dont give gifts this still wont give them the hint as to not being cheap in the future. They will still be cheap. I could never show up to an event without a gift even if it was a small gift, I think it is very tacky.
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    I agree with PP. Get a gift, it is the polite thing to do.
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    Agreed. You'll feel better about yourself, too. Kill 'em with kindness and charm. Who knows, it may actually wake them up and make them realize they should get you (or someone else in the future) a gift. Never too late.
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    Ignore what they gave you. Gifts are never manditory but instead an experssion of affection and good wishes in keeping with ones budget. So stop and think what is my affection good wishes and budget for this couple? Give a gift or not related to that. Oh and FYI if they lead an estravagent lifestyle there is a non zero chance they are really way in debt and can not afford gifts
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    I think a $50 gift is quite generous considering the circumstances.  Don't give to make a statement - give what you feel like based on your relationship with them.
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    Given the history and circumstances, I agree with sduncan.I'd get something nominal from the registry, attach a card, then eat, drink, and be merry!
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    thanks for the input everyone!  all good advice.  i really feel it's wrong to show up at a wedding without a gift, and i think the amount is a reflection of your love for the couple (also taking into account other factors like what you can afford, etc.) so i am going to get them something off their registry and leave it at that, i am kind of annoyed that none of them got me a gift but whatever, they are my family and i love them, and i'm going to get them a gift.  given that everyone in our family knows the parents never get anyone anything or pay what they owe, i fear their other family and friends probably feel the same & i hope they don't take it out on the kids (altho they should be old enough to know it's wrong and not do it too).
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