specify no gifts?

cms4mf

We're planning on having a very small wedding at the beginning of December. My mother wanted to have a Christmas cocktail party or open house when we return from the honeymoon so we can get to see all of our relatives and friends that weren't invited to the wedding.

My question is this- do I need to specify please no gifts? We do not live together now and neither of us have basic kitchen items, so we are registering for these before the wedding.  It would be nice if people who came to the Christmas party did get us gifts since there's so much we need, but I wasn't sure if I need to specify they shouldn't bring gifts just in case they're feeling obligated. I wouldn't want them to feel obligated.

SaraAndrew2010

You shouldn't mention anything about people giving or not giving you gifts on invitations.  It is up to the guests to decide to if they want to give you a gfit or not.

I would keep your registry fairly small, but make sure there are still some items on it after the wedding so if people at the Christmas party want to buy you a gift, they can. 

frogurt814

You are choosing to have a small wedding.  You don't get to choose to have a small wedding and then have a larger "reception" later on where you expect people to bring you gifts...especially people who weren't invited to the wedding.

If your mother wants to have a Christmas party, then by all means, she should have a Christmas party, but it should in no way be related to your wedding.

Personally, if I was not invited to your wedding and then your mother invited me to a Christmas party, I would go to the Christmas party thinking it was a Christmas party.

ckonidak

I understand your question and where it's coming from, but I've got to agree with pp. :-( I tend to think that it's not okay to expect gifts from someone not invited to the wedding. If people want to bring you a gift, they will, but I certainly wouldnt mention gifts when planning it. Hope this helps.

baloney4211

Hun i totally understand. I asked a similar question a few days ago, and some people were a little less than pleasant with me.

I'm getting married in February and having a very small wedding but then my parents are throwing us a large party for everyone who's not invited to the actual ceremony after the honeymoon. We do not have the things we'll need to live together either, but even though people know we are having a small wedding, they still want to come to the wedding shower and to the celebration. The way we have decided to handle it is we went and registered for the things we really need. Kept it kind of small, about half the amount of the people invited to the celebration. As time goes on, if things start getting bought up as we get closer to the wedding and after we get back from the honeymoon, we'll add more things that we don't neccesarily need but would be nice to have. I hope this helps because we're in the same boat!

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_specify-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:6d52a631-4ce5-4b7b-a6ca-2aabab162ffcPost:41b3eec5-b6c5-4fc0-9332-5ce62d278516">specify no gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're planning on having a very small wedding at the beginning of December. My mother wanted to have a Christmas cocktail party or open house when we return from the honeymoon so we can get to see all of our relatives and friends that weren't invited to the wedding. My question is this- do I need to specify please no gifts? We do not live together now and neither of us have basic kitchen items, so we are registering for these before the wedding.  It would be nice if people who came to the Christmas party did get us gifts since there's so much we need, but I wasn't sure if I need to specify they shouldn't bring gifts just in case they're feeling obligated. I wouldn't want them to feel obligated.
Posted by cms4mf[/QUOTE]

You shouldn't specify no gifts, but you also shouldn't advertise that you want gifts. It's really easy to find people's registries on your own, and if people want to get a gift like that for you they can easily ask.

I don't think people only get gifts because they feel obligated to. I really do believe that most people, once receiving an invitation and accepting that, want to celebrate and give a gift out of their joy for the couple.