NOT registering. Why are people so weird about this?

amyb140

We decided not to register because we are 38 and 41, have 2 households that we're combining into my very small one bedroom condo, and seriously can't think of anything we need.  I mean, we're working hard to get rid of stuff just so we can have space to move around!  Also I have always found the idea of registries tacky - I don't like asking people to buy me gifts.  I will admit that there is a part of us that hopes people will give us cash, because that would be far more useful to us than more stuff, but we are NOT telling anyone that.

Here's the thing.  People have been getting almost hostile with me when they find out we're not registering!  I admit that as a wedding guest I love the registry because it makes things so simple, but I don't know what I'm supposed to say.  If people feel moved to get us a gift, that would be lovely, but I'm not going to order them what to buy.  And if they bring nothing, that's fine too!  We are throwing a party for friends and family and that's what it's about to me, not getting a bunch of stuff.  

Am I crazy?  Is there anyone else out there who's not registering?  And how do you respond to people's blank stares when they find that out? 

jessicabessica

A registry isn't a demand, it's a wishlist; people can buy directly from it or use it as guidance as to what you like and need.  There's nothing wrong with not registering--although, as you mentioned, as a wedding guest that wants to buy a physical gift that a couple actually wants, registries are nice.  

If people ask where you're registered, mention that you haven't set anything up, but you are saving for ________.  Not everyone who intends to give a gift is comfortable giving a cash gift, so you'll get some things that you might not want or like (and may be difficult to return), but you can just donate those items if you don't want them.  Obviously, people might buy random stuff whether or not you have a registry, but if you don't, you're increasing the chance you'll get lots of weird stuff and duplicates.  

Sin715

I know exactly how you feel. We live abroad and logistically gifts would be an absolute nightmare! We are not registering and since ours is a dw we have just stated "your presence is our present". At the end of they day if people get angry they'll just need to get over it!

mandi921vh

The only thing is that people may give you something you don't want/like. You could have family spread the word that you would rather have money to save up for something, and create a small registry of things you want to upgrade around the house. 

mob2689

or as I read on one post be prepared to have at least 10 toasters  It can happen.

nikkir4

I would say that if your having a shower, than as a courtesy to your guests maybe registering for a few things would be nice (seeing as the point of a shower is to 'shower' you with gifts). You could always update your bedding, replace old dingy towels.

If your not having a shower, then I wouldn't bother registering. Just be prepared as some people do not like to give cash and may bring gifts to the wedding. Hopefully in your case receipts will be included

ShakeUpTampa

Registries are great because for instance when I am shopping I wait for coupons/sales so I never pay retail. I could give someone a $100 gift for $60 or less with how I shop, but I could not afford to give them $100 cash..get my point?

They are not mandatory by any means but sometimes people like to wrap items and bring gifts. It is 100% up to you what you choose to do but in the end dont be surprised if you end up with gift cards to stores you don' t like or multiples of items you have no clue where they came from so you are stuck with.

MelissaAnne88

And you don't have to register for things that you already have (toaster, dishes, pots and pans, etc) but you can register for fun things! Love hiking/camping? Try REI. Have a favorite unique store? Make a registry there!

Just be warned that if you don't register, you may end up with 10 blenders when you didn't even need one to begin with. Prepare to do lots of returning/exchanging.

Milsey32

Like PPs mentioned - say you're saving up for ________. And tell your mom, MOH, or whomever (not guests directly) that you wouldn't mind gift certificates to a specific restaurant, or a couples massage, or a scuba lesson, or something else that you and FH can do together but does not have to be a physical gift that takes up space in your small condo. 

aegrish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_not-registering-people-weird-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:a79097a1-26ba-4c9c-aef4-149da2c4c88ePost:0b133122-b79c-4f48-a2de-a0ec6ace39af">Re: NOT registering. Why are people so weird about this?</a>:
[QUOTE]The only thing is that people may give you something you don't want/like. You could have family spread the word that you would rather have money to save up for something, and create a small registry of things you want to upgrade around the house. 
Posted by mandi921vh[/QUOTE]

this.  You can always use an upgrade on items and you can't possibly have everything, no one does. 

cusi229

I gotta say, I really don't need anything either.  I registered for upgrades of things and for fun stuff, like a deep fryer or panini press, because i wouldn't go buy that myself.  But really, where am i going to put all this stuff!!   Registering is great for people who are just moving in together or have nothing, because literally people buy you all the necessary stuff.  So I think what I'm going to do and you may want to do is the Honeymoon Registry.  So on my bridal shower invite I'm going to put if people would like to contribute to our honeymoon fund please do so.  its an idea

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_not-registering-people-weird-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a79097a1-26ba-4c9c-aef4-149da2c4c88ePost:7dbaf59a-c403-401e-859b-d846a9797444">Re: NOT registering. Why are people so weird about this?</a>:
[QUOTE]I gotta say, I really don't need anything either.  I registered for upgrades of things and for fun stuff, like a deep fryer or panini press, because i wouldn't go buy that myself.  But really, where am i going to put all this stuff!!   Registering is great for people who are just moving in together or have nothing, because literally people buy you all the necessary stuff.  So I think what I'm going to do and you may want to do is the Honeymoon Registry.  So on my bridal shower invite I'm going to put if people would like to contribute to our honeymoon fund please do so.  its an idea
Posted by cusi229[/QUOTE]

This board has a sticky about honeymoon registries that you might want to check out: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_thinking-of-honeymoon-registry" rel='nofollow'>http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_thinking-of-honeymoon-registry</a>

Also, showers are really for physical gifts--you shower the bride with gifts, not with money--and everyone watches the bride open the gifts.  If you don't want any physical gifts, you shouldn't have a shower.  I would reconsider your idea. 

Patineuse1124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_not-registering-people-weird-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a79097a1-26ba-4c9c-aef4-149da2c4c88ePost:7dbaf59a-c403-401e-859b-d846a9797444">Re: NOT registering. Why are people so weird about this?</a>:
[QUOTE]I gotta say, I really don't need anything either.  I registered for upgrades of things and for fun stuff, like a deep fryer or panini press, because i wouldn't go buy that myself.  But really, where am i going to put all this stuff!!   Registering is great for people who are just moving in together or have nothing, because literally people buy you all the necessary stuff.  So I think what I'm going to do and you may want to do is the Honeymoon Registry.  So on my bridal shower invite I'm going to put if people would like to contribute to our honeymoon fund please do so.  its an idea
Posted by cusi229[/QUOTE]
 <div>I think a HM registry is fine as long as you can afford the HM if nobody contributes.  However you shouldn't have a shower if you don't have a registry with tangible gifts.  I did receive a few things from my HM registry at my shower (as well as gift cards and cash) but most of the presents were something to open.  Watching somebody open a bunch of cards is not very exciting.</div>

janicejab

  I would still register for a few things. It sounds like you could use some organizational items if you're trying to consolidate 2 households into a smaller space. Bed Bath & Beyond and Target have lots of stuff for that. As well, you can upgrade some items too- space saving trash bin, better knives or cookware, new bedding, etc. The old stuff you can sell at a yard sale or donate to good will (and get a tax deduction).
  FI and I have lived by ourselves for a long time, so we have everything we need. But it's mine or his and most of it is hand-me-downs or cheaper stuff we bought when we were younger. Some items we have are nice and we won't upgrade (knives, pots and pans), but some stuff it will be nice to have something that is both of our taste, not just mine or his. Like our bedding- he has a plain tan comforter (boring!) and I have a floral print comforter (girly). Neither of us likes the other's comforter, so we're registering for a new one that will be both of our style.

mountaingirl18

I have no idea! People can be silly; it is sign of times that we live in a materialistic world. Look at Prince William and Kate Middleton; they didn't register but had guests donate money to charities. Lovely idea!
Don't feel pressured to register.

kpkeaney

I started a registry account at Kohl's but have yet to add anything to it