Registry and Gift Forum

Received a check as a wedding gift

My FH does not have much family, but what family he did have we invited because I believe family should always receive an invite.  A frustrating part of this is they weren't a 100% sure on the address so we received some back as undeliverable.  We even received one, this was a family friend however, back as undeliverable and written on the card was "<insert name here> has not lived here for 12 years".  Very aggravating as I know the majority of family despite being large and if I did not have their correct address, I went by any means of getting it.   Like one family member's invitation that came back undeliverable, I late found him on his mom's sister's/his aunt's facebook listed under the relatives.  Did it never occur to his mother to verify with her sister that this was the correct address when she insisted on sending to all these people?  As I said, aggravating and please forgive my little rant but the count is now up to 6 that we have received as undeliverable from that side and none from mine.

However, this post does have a point.  We sent an invitation to his mom's cousins and they politely rsvp'ed no but just today (my mom, who the RSVPs were sent to) received a card saying despite never having met my FH (they are not a tight knit family and much of his family is spread across the US, although they don't even see family that lives in the same city as them) they thought it was very thoughtful that an invitation was sent and enclosed a check for $50.  My question is, what is the etiquette on this?  I read some posts on various websites while searching for this little scenario on google.  Answers I have seen are - A. do not cash the check but send a thank you right away, B. do not cash the check but send a thank you right away and then once the check is cashed send another card with a photo saying their presence was missed, C. do not cash the check and send a thank you after the wedding which is when the check should be cashed, D. cash the check right away so they are not waiting for the check to be cashed so they do not get a "surprise" when it is cashed months later and send a thank you.

Re: Received a check as a wedding gift

  • edited August 2012
    Cash the check now (preferably in a savings account that you have set up for wedding money) and immediately send a heart felt thank you note.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • Cash the check now. 

    Send the thank you card now. 

    Don't spend the money until after the wedding.

    That's it :)
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Cash the check now.  Otherwise their checking account will be off balance until you do so. 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Cash the check and send a thank you note now.

    Do not use the money until after the wedding.
  • I try to cash the check and send the card on the same day.  That way they will see it clear and get the thank-you card within days of each other, which is always thoughtful.  Nothing worse than seeing the check clear and not get a thank-you card till months after, or waiting for months for the check to clear in the first place.

    We received checks from a few members of my husband's family that couldn't attend, and whom I have never met.  I wrote to thank them for their generous gift, expressed that we would miss them at the wedding, and that I look forward to finally meeting them in the future.  You could also include what you might use the money for, in generic terms ("We will treat ourselves to a nice night out" or "This will be helpful as we save for a downpayment on our first home" or whatever the case may be)..
  • I would send a thank you note, give it a few days to be delivered and then cash the check.  IMHO they should get the thank you before the funds are gone from their account.

    I sent a check as a wedding gift last year and they took over 3 months to cash it.  It was really irritating!  Cash it!
  • Seeing as you are only three weeks from your wedding, I would send the thank you after (that still fits the two-three month general thank you card timeframe), but make sure it's one of the first ones you send (aka, prepare it now and even drop it off the day or two before your wedding).  Don't cash the check till after the wedding / after you send the card (but would do so the week after, since you already sent the card).

    If you were further out, I'd have a different take, but with only twenty-some days to go, there's a good chance they will only be behind in balancing their checkbook for a couple weeks, so shouldn't be a biggie there.

    Congrats - almost there!
  • In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:34Discussion:c5e73666-6f32-41ee-adc5-cba8a372c074Post:ddea7330-e99c-42d5-a0c2-ad70cdbb3880">Re: Received a check as a wedding gift</a>:
    [QUOTE]Cash the check now.  Send the thank you card now.  Don't spend the money until after the wedding. That's it :)
    Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]

    ^this exactly
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