registering- mom 'n me or fiance 'n me?

kmb63276

I was talking to my mom the other day about registering- just discussing where the best places to register. And she started talking about how we (my mom, two sisters and I) could go start to register when I was in town for thanksgiving. I'm not sure, but I thought registering was a fiance and me thing, not a mom and me thing- am I wrong? My fiance loves to cook and is super excited to register for pots and pans and cooking gagets, and we've been looking forward to our apartment together.
My mom can be a little.... much, and we have a difficult relationship, but I would like to include her in the wedding as much as possible. But since my fiance and I will be the ones living in the apartment, I would like his say on things to buy. Going with both of them is not really an option- they can get along, but one of them would kill the other before the end of the day.
Suggestions on how to handle this one? And who is supposed to go along to register anyway?

marissa_claire

FI and you.  100%.  Your mom shouldn't have any say in decorating your house.  And odds are she's just going to push you into putting things on there you don't want.  My mom's fairly lowkey and so is my SIL, but what I want in my household isn't really an area I'd ask for input from them.

Galaxy8227

I started my registries with my H, but then my Mom and I went back to add some more stuff that she thought we might need.  When I went home, I went over the list online with H to see what you he liked and what he didn't.  He was happy he didn't have to go back with me!

noodle_oo

You and your FI, definitely.  Especially since it sounds like your FI likes to cook and would have fun doing it.  We did ours together and it was nice.  I would never think of doing it without him (unless he really didn't want to).

I can see how it would be fun for your mom, but I think you could start your registry with FI and then maybe take mom later on to see what you picked and maybe help you update it.  It took us several trips to make our registries over the course of a month.  So there is no reason you can't include your mom on one of your trips.  But for her to think you would do it with her and not FI, that's just strange.

Personally, I woudl never do it with my mom (and espeically sister!) because we all have very different taste and I would feel pressured to go with what they want, rather than what I (and FI) want.  It is your household (you and FI) that you will be living with, so you should obviously be picking out your stuff together.

ogrady88

This one totally depends on your relationship with your mother.  I would love to go with my mom...to get her input on certain things.  In fact, I think this is a great idea.  But not everyone has that type of relationship with their parents, so it's up to you to decide.  I don't think there are any "rules" regarding this.  Back in the day, I know that it was commonplace for mothers and daughters to register, but that day has long since passed.  I would talk to your FI about this, maybe see if you and your mom could go register for bedding or something more specific and save the kitchen stuff for another time.

Summer2011Bride

I would say FI and you, but every situation is different. If you are super close with your mom, perhaps you could go with her beforehand to "scout it out," but do the actual registering with FI. I'm great friends with my mom and would love her input, but also want my FI there, since it's for the two of us.

ledalia

Definitely you and FI. It's weird to me that some guys don't like to register because we both love to shop and look around at things together. Even if it's not his thing though, it's still his house and his stuff and he should have a say. My mom didn't even look at my registry until a couple months after we registered. But since your mom wants to be involved, I would listen and take your mom's advice, maybe even go shopping with her to look around, but definitely do the actual registering with your FI.

[Deleted User]

It sounds like what everyone is really saying is go with their strengths.  If fiance cares about cookware but doesn't care at all about china, stemware, etc but Mom does, then go on separate trips and let each help with his/her area of interest and expertise.  And, oh yes, remember, wedding plans and registering is supposed to be fun.

eshaufle

I think it's something that your FI and you should do but it does depend on the situation.  My FI and I went into Crate & Barrel one day and didn't know what half of the kitchen gadgets were (we haven't quite caught on to domestication yet lol) so my mom will definately have to be on speed dial otherwise we'll have no idea what to get!

sister2groom

How about you ask your FI what he wants you to do? If he'd prefer it just be you and him, then just leave it, but even if you do go with your mom, he should be able to input after the fact on stuff she suggests.

MairePoppy

You and fi should register for the gifts. If he wasn't interested then it would be okay to bring your mom. But why should he miss out on the fun? Try to do this before Thanksgiving. Then you, sisters and mom can go to the store to check out the items that you've selected.

annakb8

Registering over Thanksgiving weekend sounds like a total nightmare. For this reason alone I would go with your FI.

banana468

Definitely do it with your FI.  And definitely DON'T do it over Thanksgiving weekend.  It sounds like a nightmare to try registering over the Christmas holidays.

DanielleZZ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registering-mom-n-fiance-n?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:c6ed4c17-638e-49cd-abf1-3d8a52cad7d8Post:09744143-00b9-41e9-ad5d-f5cce5fafddc">Re: registering- mom 'n me or fiance 'n me?</a>:
[QUOTE]"Mom, thanks for offering to go with me when I register. Joe and I really, really look forward to setting up our house together, so we've made a date for both of us. Why don't we have a Mom and Bride lunch next week instead?"
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

This is perfect.
You can aks your mom for her input on what she thinks you might need or things she remembered about her own registry but you and FI should go together alone.