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FI thinks that gift registries are "asking" for gifts

How do I explain to my FI that gift registries do not mean that we are asking guests to bring us gifts?  He is only concerned about our guests coming to the wedding and having a good time and feels that registering for lots of gifts is not appropriate (we're in our 30's, never married, but each of us has lived on our own therefore already have lots of household things).  I've tried to explain that guests are expecting registries and will be disappointed if there are not a variety of items in a variety of price ranges to choose from.  I also mentioned that I will likely have a few bridal showers that people will also be looking to registries for ideas for gifts.   I was using the registries to upgrade the things we already have and to add a few things that we might want within the next few years as we look at purcahsing a house.  I'm still in graduate school and money has been tight since graduating college so my things are hand me downs and have been replaced as the budget allows.  I feel like now is the time to get some nicer things and I'm excited about registering for gifts, but FI doesn't share that with me yet.  How do I get him excited about it??

Re: FI thinks that gift registries are "asking" for gifts

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    Registering will let your guests know what you need and what your preferences are so that those who want to purchase a gift don't waste their money on your 4th 10" skillet when you already own one you don't want to replace.  Unless you're tossing registry cards in your invites, it's not asking for gifts.  The registry is there for those who ask.
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    Remind him that people only find out about the registry if they ask.  You could compromise and keep it off the website.

    As long as you aren't putting it out there, and people have to search or ask to find it, you're not asking for gifts. 
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    My FI and I thought registries were panhandling...until we got engaged.

    Allow me to explain: We thought that people asking for a spatula set or a pillow sham was weird until we tried to put ourselves in their shoes:  "Here are two people we care about who are getting married.  I have a busy life and if only there were a way to get them something that I know they would like...hmmm"

    So, a registry isn't tacky, it is sort of graceful because you're cutting guesswork out of your guests' lives when they are trying to do a nice thing for you.

    I understand what your FI is feeling, but wedding gifts aren't a newfangled trend... people expect (And want to!) give gifts.  
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    registries kind of are asking for gifts, ppl who want to give will anyway, and a registry can be helpful for some people, but registries, and wedding gifts in general  we originally meant to help a couple get the things that they really need to start out, I personally get annoyed when I see someones registry and realize I am being asked to furnish for them an upgraded lifestyle, rather than help them out of generosity. Thats just me.
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    My fiance felt the same way too, and I ended up doing the majority of the registry myself, then showing him what I chose.
    Just tell him it's expected and that nobody it required to get your something off the registry, or any gift at all!
    n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fi-thinks-gift-registries-asking-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e33df0e9-ad1c-4a3c-b0a1-e51377e6f28bPost:be4cf389-be24-487e-88d1-15c253678c96">Re: FI thinks that gift registries are "asking" for gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE] I am being asked to furnish for them an upgraded lifestyle, rather than help them out of generosity. Thats just me.
    Posted by katieanne85[/QUOTE]
    I don't get what you mean by upgraded lifestyle... I mean, I registered for all new pots and pans even though my fiance already has a few but there are missing lids.  We also live together already, but I still registered for nicer sheets since I know they will last for years.
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    My fiance wasn't to excited either. Then I took him with me and gave him the scanner. He had fun with that. Also just try mentioning that people go to weddings and showers to celebrate and bring gifts. If I were going to a wedding where the couple had not registered it would seem awkward. I would worry I would buy them something they didn't need and just wind up giving them money.
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    Bachelor parties are different from bridal showers, maybe you could tell your fiance about the differences?  If he understood that guests to bridal showers expect to bring gifts, maybe he'd feel differently (especially when contemplating the possibility of multiple toasters and crystal vases if you don't register for what you guys actually want/need).

    Also, some guys just aren't interested in registering because a lot of the traditional registry stuff is in the female domain (dinnerware, pots/pans, vacuums).  REI and Sears have registries that might interest him more.  My fiance pretty much left the registry to me except for the request of a blu ray disc player.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fi-thinks-gift-registries-asking-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e33df0e9-ad1c-4a3c-b0a1-e51377e6f28bPost:a7d4c0c5-5ea6-4919-89c5-3e91cf799ae1">Re: FI thinks that gift registries are "asking" for gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance felt the same way too, and I ended up doing the majority of the registry myself, then showing him what I chose. Just tell him it's expected and that nobody it required to get your something off the registry, or any gift at all! n Response to Re: FI thinks that gift registries are "asking" for gifts : I don't get what you mean by upgraded lifestyle... I mean, I registered for all new pots and pans even though my fiance already has a few but there are missing lids.  We also live together already, but I still registered for nicer sheets since I know they will last for years.
    Posted by ces25c[/QUOTE]

    I totally agree with the "upgraded lifestyle" observation.  Sheets, pots, pans are different from snazzy cameras, fancy tents (tents???), fishing rods, etc.

    A shower/wedding gift is to help a couple start a new life out together (yes, with nice, new sheets) not to allow the couple to treat it like the Birthday/Hannukkah/Christmaslist of their dreeeeeams.

    (I sound judgy...)
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    AlbireoAlbireo member
    First Comment
    edited April 2010
    My FH was uneasy about it until I pointed out that this is not something WE tell people about. If people want to give a gift, they ask the bridal party or our parents, and they'll be told where the registry is.

    We have a registry so that we don't end up in the situation that FMIL described: we were in the department store and she pointed at some really ugly vases and said "If you don't register people will give you stuff like THIS."

    (Oh, and we've been living together for two years already. We're registering for replacement stuff. We're currently using our old mismatched university dishes and an antidiluvian vacuum cleaner that smells like feet.)
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fi-thinks-gift-registries-asking-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e33df0e9-ad1c-4a3c-b0a1-e51377e6f28bPost:d8c4b54a-3540-457d-a202-f16c8ce7d092">Re: FI thinks that gift registries are "asking" for gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI thinks that gift registries are "asking" for gifts : I totally agree with the "upgraded lifestyle" observation.  Sheets, pots, pans are different from snazzy cameras, fancy tents (tents???), fishing rods, etc. A shower/wedding gift is to help a couple start a new life out together (yes, with nice, new sheets) not to allow the couple to treat it like the Birthday/Hannukkah/Christmaslist of their dreeeeeams. (I sound judgy...)
    Posted by maria.pedroza[/QUOTE]

    yeah we must be going to the same weddings :)
    When I see a couple who have everything already but are still registering for a whole bunch of expensive stuff, I tend assume that they are returning it for money or credit. or they are just over excited to get presents. I love giving gifts, but when my gifts seem useless to the couple, it gets less fun.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fi-thinks-gift-registries-asking-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e33df0e9-ad1c-4a3c-b0a1-e51377e6f28bPost:d8c4b54a-3540-457d-a202-f16c8ce7d092">Re: FI thinks that gift registries are "asking" for gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI thinks that gift registries are "asking" for gifts : I totally agree with the "upgraded lifestyle" observation.  Sheets, pots, pans are different from snazzy cameras, fancy tents (tents???), fishing rods, etc. A shower/wedding gift is to help a couple start a new life out together (yes, with nice, new sheets) not to allow the couple to treat it like the Birthday/Hannukkah/Christmaslist of their dreeeeeams. (I sound judgy...)
    Posted by maria.pedroza[/QUOTE]

    Ok, I see where you're coming from here.  To play devil's advocate, what about a couple who spends more time camping than in their kitchen?  I wouldn't be offended by seeing that their registry included a tent or campstove etc. rather than a $150 kitchen appliance. 
    I'm not saying I registered for that sort of thing, but I did throw in some pet supplies and a few inexpensive sports items to make sure there were tons of options.
    It would bother me more is a friend who shops nowhere but Walmart and the Dollar store registering at Crate and Barrel or something.
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    you should just have one in case people ask. you don't have to announce it. we announced our myregistry.com wish list (well, my maid of honor did) but definitely not with the invites. believe it or not people get really annoyed when they want to get you a gift and don't know what to get you. you should consider just adding gift cards to a store you shop at often for household goods or hobbies. maybe you can even include a cash gift fund like we did and explain that the funds are going towards a honeymoon.
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