Fighting with fiance over registry items

turandot

Has anyone had fights with their fiance over registry items?  I never thought he would care! 

angiems97

We had a few tiffs over it.  I think it is normal. Many of my friends had a few discussions/arguements over it too. 

Nukke

We didn't fight, but we had a 1 minute arguement over the fact that he wanted a robot vacuum thingy.  I forget what they're called.  I thought they were dumb, but FI wanted it so badly, so ... bam.  It's been added.  :P

banana468

It wasn't a fight, but I was amazed at how much he cared about picking a China pattern!

quotequeen

I was surprised that FI cared as much as he did about some of the stuff, but we haven't really fought over the actual items.  Mostly over the procrastination in picking them!

jed15

Nukke- they're called Roombas. FI bought me one for my birthday a few years ago. Works pretty well for touch-ups, but definitely does not replace regular vaccuuming. Must be a guy thing. The only thing we disagreed on was putting a Dyson on the registry. FI says it's too exspensive and we don't need one because we have a 5 year old vaccuum and our trusty roomba. I left it on the registry anyways

MissLeahM

Ohh man.. I want a Roomba.. I should add that to my registry.. If we don't get it, then I can just use the completion coupon..

We were on different sides of the fence on a couple of items. But nothing that really ruffled our feathers.

Patineuse1124

I tried to compromise by splitting things up (i.e. I picked the fine china and he picked everyday, but we both approved each other's choices).  My FI's eyes were totally glazing over while looking at dishes, but once I got him to cookware he perked up (he does most of the cooking).  He was definitely dangerous with that scanning gun!

skippylouwho

A friend gave her FI one of the "guns" at Target when they were registering and they split up. When she checked the list later he had registered for things like a basketball, a frisbee, a deck of cards and similar items.  She left them on and some of his friends bought them all that stuff. He was a happy boy.

zippityb

He went ON and ON about the waffle maker. Every day was waffle maker this, and waffle maker that. I finally just bought it for him.

crnota

That's funny, the ONLY thing my FI cared about adding to the registry is a Roomba! I also think they are silly, and can't possibly do as good of a job as a real vacuum. I'd rather get a nice Dyson or something!

But since it is literally his one request, I put it on there....we'll see if anyone actually buys it! Otherwise, I know what to get him for Christmas next year!

turandot

Surprisingly, my fiance cares a lot about crystal and silver!  I keep telling him it's called a bridal registry for a reason!

ros3392

My FI didn't want to come with me to register at all haha. He said I should bring my mom or gram since it is just "presents for me." I explained to him that they are for both of us and he relented and came with me. We ended up having a fun time together. I was shocked when he wanted a $200 crystal decanter set. He is not a crystal kind of person at all. He said its for our "fancy friends" for when they come over.. I'm not sure if anyone will buy it for us, but I didn't argue.

Swiftsong8

My FI and I didnt argue at all. I pretty much just sat at the computer one day and did the registry myself. Then when I was done I had him look at it..he said cool..seems like u got everything. And that was that.

andy71781

The registry is the only thing that we have fought about in the wedding planning process (or during the entire wedding time period!).  With the wedding planning he's assumed a veto power role but with registering he wants to be there for each thing.  That would be fine except that he's a resident who works 80 hours a week and when he's not working he's tired and doesn't feel like it.  It's annoying.

gottahavashorti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fighting-fiance-over-registry-items?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e9bcaddf-dce3-48c8-8a23-c98c94495d34Post:768ea705-7634-4c1e-b2c0-f7a062a357b9">Re: Fighting with fiance over registry items</a>:
[QUOTE]Surprisingly, my fiance cares a lot about crystal and silver!  I keep telling him it's called a bridal registry for a reason!
Posted by turandot[/QUOTE]
Don't forget that you can't be a bride without a groom.  If he wants a say in those things, let him have it.

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]The registry is the only thing that we have fought about in the wedding planning process (or during the entire wedding time period!).  With the wedding planning he's assumed a veto power role but with registering he wants to be there for each thing.  That would be fine except that he's a resident who works 80 hours a week and when he's not working he's tired and doesn't feel like it.  It's annoying.
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]
Can you register online so you can work on it a bit at a time?  We registered in store but then were long distance when we went back and sorted through the registry online a bit more or had stuff discontinued. 

In general if one of us cares about a particular item more or is pickier about that thing, we give the other the options we'd be happy with and let the other choose.  Would your FI go for you giving him a couple options of each item once you set a list of what you want to register for?  That way he can help choose but it's not such a time burden.

EricaDawn1986

FI came with me initially to put the major things on the registry (ie the more expensive items like cookware and china).  I went later and put the more decorative stuff on.  He looked at everything online and okay'ed it.  I left barware for him to register for since I wasn't specifically interested in it and he'd be the one mainly using it.  I looked at it later though and we decided that on of his items (an $80 whisky set) was a little uncalled for (he added it because it would be "cool to have".  I've been trying to be careful with the dollar amount of things added.  My logic is that if somebody is going to spend $80 on our wedding gift... there are more important things (that we'll actually use) than a crystal whisky set.  We compromised and agreed that if things in that price range start disappearing from the registry... we'll add it back. 

vitacosmopolita

On our Target excursion, I disputed a golf bag and accessories and the FI walked up to a middle-aged mom just minding her own business and asked if she thought he should register for the golf bag.  She got emotional and got so serious about how I should let him register for whatever he wanted and I should do the same because this was the only time we could do it and how she wished she would have registered for more.

I was irritated he asked a random lady for advice but it definitely broke the ice and I went and registered for yoga stuff the aisle over.

I guess when people see our registry they'll see a random hodge-podge but if they love and care about us, they'll probably just get a laugh.  I guess, I agree with that lady now because it made me much less "stingy" with my registry choices.

vthorwesten

Shortly after we got engaged the talk of the bridal shower (b/w mom, and MOHs) started and then they told me I needed to register for items. I told my Fiance about this and he said we didn't need to register for anything, as we have everything. We haven been dating for almost 10 years, and have lived together for 9.5. I told him we needed to though because we have had some of this stuff since before we moved in together (my parents and family started buying me house stuff as a teen because I never wanted any birthday or christmas gifts). Needless to say he finally agreed and let me do the registry myself as I knew what needed replacing and he is letting me pick the decor for the house. So, I took MOHs one day, and my mom more recently to register/change items!

The only thing about the wedding we couldn't agree on for a while, and he still mentions every once in a while is the food company that is delivering our dinner for us.

andy71781

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fighting-fiance-over-registry-items?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e9bcaddf-dce3-48c8-8a23-c98c94495d34Post:eebbf37f-d717-4fa7-9e78-435d1367e8c8">Re: Fighting with fiance over registry items</a>:
[QUOTE]Can you register online so you can work on it a bit at a time?  We registered in store but then were long distance when we went back and sorted through the registry online a bit more or had stuff discontinued.  In general if one of us cares about a particular item more or is pickier about that thing, we give the other the options we'd be happy with and let the other choose.  Would your FI go for you giving him a couple options of each item once you set a list of what you want to register for?  That way he can help choose but it's not such a time burden.
Posted by gottahavashorti[/QUOTE]
Ugh I've tried that before and it just ends up being in a fight.  I've pretty much given in on the kitchen stuff.  I made an REI registry and then told him about it expecting the worst but he was actually excited about it.  I don't want to get stuff that we don't both want - so I think that a lot of our registering will be done 2 weeks before the wedding (which is slowly sneaking up on us!) when he HAS to pick stuff out. 

ShaunajRN

I expected us to argue over some things. And we did... 

Most stuff we agreed on. But when we did argue we mostly just amused everyone else in the aisle. 

shelchristian

My fiance and I haven't argued over anything. He trusts my taste and so far has like everything shipped back to us from my bridal shower a few weeks ago out of state. 

He loves being SURPRISED by new things for our new chapter in our life together! It's fun! I told him what we registered at both Macy's and Crate and Barrel, but he doesn't want to see anything until presents (etc) are opened!!!

Soon to be Mrs Schaefer one month and three weeks away!!! July 31st, 2010

cukimerrydoll

The only questions we had with what to put on our registry was "where do we put this??"  or "Do we really need to replace that?"

It worked pretty well.  We didn't really fight, but I think I freaked him out a bit with the power tools I want!

lindseroo

We haven't actually registered yet, but FI thinks it's silly that I plan to register for Fiesta Ware AND nicer china.  He says we have no occasion for fine china.  I say we never will if we don't get it!  That's the only thing so far that he just thought was excessive.  But we'll see when we actually register!  Who knows what he has in mind!

steffydolly

I let him carry the scanner so my fiancee registered for Reeses Pieces and toilet paper....

Needless to say we edited our registry when we got home.

Patineuse1124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fighting-fiance-over-registry-items?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e9bcaddf-dce3-48c8-8a23-c98c94495d34Post:e706c6b7-c142-4a96-8d40-c39ddbe26cbc">Re: Fighting with fiance over registry items</a>:
[QUOTE]We haven't actually registered yet, but FI thinks it's silly that I plan to register for Fiesta Ware AND nicer china.  He says we have no occasion for fine china.  I say we never will if we don't get it!  That's the only thing so far that he just thought was excessive.  But we'll see when we actually register!  Who knows what he has in mind!
Posted by lindseroo[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed!  It's nice to have, gives you an reason to host dinner parties and holiday get togethers.  Plus you don't have to just save it for special occasions.  Some day when we have a family I plan on pulling out the good china like once a month if even to celebrate small things like acing a really hard test, or finishing up a big project, etc.</div><div>
</div><div>My FI thought it was silly to register for fine china too, but I think it's because nobody (or few) in his social circle have it (he grew up in really poor neighborhood), while its very common in my social circle to have on a gift registry.</div>

andy71781

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fighting-fiance-over-registry-items?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e9bcaddf-dce3-48c8-8a23-c98c94495d34Post:e706c6b7-c142-4a96-8d40-c39ddbe26cbc">Re: Fighting with fiance over registry items</a>:
[QUOTE]We haven't actually registered yet, but FI thinks it's silly that I plan to register for Fiesta Ware AND nicer china.  He says we have no occasion for fine china.  I say we never will if we don't get it!  That's the only thing so far that he just thought was excessive.  But we'll see when we actually register!  Who knows what he has in mind!
Posted by lindseroo[/QUOTE]
Just wanted to say that I love my Fiestaware sooo much.  FI won the battle re: china by showing me the set we are inheriting from his mom.  I like it better than any pattern for sale.  :)  We have peacock, plum and green right now.  Love them so much!

mags0607

We had to find a healthy compromise on things like dishes and bedding sets.(We need a new one desperately) and it took a little back and forth, but we found some that we both liked.

I am the cook in the family, so he kind of rolled his eyes at the expensive knives and gadgets, but liked the most random things in the store. We have a roomba, a touchless soap dispenser, a Margaritaville machine, and and some random recipe scanner. I figured there were som many things he didn't care about registering for that it was hard to discourage him from the few things he did care about.

Although I will say of we get the $300 Margaritaville Machine and not the Kitchen Aid Mixer I have wanted since I learned how to cook, we may have a problem.