"No gifts." Recession-appropriate, or potentially problematic? Please help w/ other questi

lr10022

Here's the 411:

Just engaged a few hours ago and getting married "around Thanksgiving or so," which is ~50 days away.

(Not pregnant).

Only immediate family will attend the ceremony. 

He owns his own home, and between the two of us we already have everything you technically need to run a household for two. (Dinner parties beyond pizza and beer is just not something we take seriously, anyway. China? Silver? Meh).

First Question:

How do we indicate we gracefully we *absolutely* don't want gifts? We'll probably do paper invites. 

Maybe put 'no gifts' in a soft, subdued color on the invitation? Or just say nothing? I do *not* want people spending their hard-earned cash on us.

*Everyone* in our lives is struggling. We just can't stomach sending them shopping for us if we truly do not need anything else.

Second Question:

For people who insist (to the point of being rude) on giving something, is it acceptable to discreetly put out the word (through our parents) that we'll accept cash (in some kind of account I can look into opening) for our future  child's college fund?

(WAAAAAAAY future).

Thank you guys so much!

I look forward to your feedback! 

Hellokatie0517

Not registering usually indicates that cash is welcome.  No one is really ever expected or required to give a gift.  From the sounds of it you won't be one of those brides who side-eyes someone for not giving a gift.  I think you're fine with saying nothing and not registering.

I answered that it was tacky because I don't believe that any gifting or non-gifting should not be mentioned on a wedding invitation. 

lr10022

Thanks, Katie.

It definitely makes sense to leave that off the invite altogether.

marissa_claire

Just leave it off.  Some people will want to give you a gift regardless, and in that case you should graciously accept it and write a thank you.  Since it's only immediate family, how many gifts could you possibly get?  I think it would be fine to tell your mom and FI's mom so they can spread the word, but some people will always get gifts regardless.

SaraAndrew2010

Ditto PPs.  Don't put anything on the invitation.  Don't register.  If people ask you or your parents what you'd like for gifts, youcan say that gifts really aren't necessary.

noodle_oo

People will probably want to get you something, so seeing No Gifts on the invitation will just confuse them and cause unnecessary stress trying to interpret what they should do (and whether or not you are angling for cash).  Plus it is generally considered rude to mention gifts at all on the invitation, so I would leave it off.

As others said, just don't register and if people ask, have your parents respond however you like.

Congrats!

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_gifts-recession-appropriate-potentially-problematic-please-w-other-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:f689f5ae-d70d-46ac-8497-5ca920fd05d4Post:7c35d81c-72f9-4c78-b552-e862c6247bb0">Re: "No gifts." Recession-appropriate, or potentially problematic? Please help w/ other questions</a>:
[QUOTE]People will probably want to get you something, so seeing No Gifts on the invitation will just confuse them and cause unnecessary stress trying to interpret what they should do (and whether or not you are angling for cash).  Plus it is generally considered rude to mention gifts at all on the invitation, so I would leave it off. As others said, just don't register and if people ask, have your parents respond however you like. Congrats!
Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

This.

With my congrtulation sentiments and all =)

ehathewa

Will you have a web-site?  Do you want anything?  On our registry there is a place to write our guests a note, we wrote "The greatest gift we can recieve is your presence at our wedding"  A little cheesy - but totally true  

Have your parents spread it by word-of mouth. 

If I knew the couple didn't want gifts I wouldn't get them one. 

mwitter80

HOW ABOUT...

A charitable denotion.  You could say something to the effect of, Bride and Groom are so fortunate and would like that in lieu of any of gifts that you make a small charitable donation to: Charity of your choice

noodle_oo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_gifts-recession-appropriate-potentially-problematic-please-w-other-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:f689f5ae-d70d-46ac-8497-5ca920fd05d4Post:c44e0363-c8be-447b-a269-ee83f52b0e34">Re: "No gifts." Recession-appropriate, or potentially problematic? Please help w/ other questions</a>:
[QUOTE]HOW ABOUT... A charitable denotion.  You could say something to the effect of, Bride and Groom are so fortunate and would like that in lieu of any of gifts that you make a small charitable donation to: Charity of your choice
Posted by mwitter80[/QUOTE]

Ugh, I'm not a fan of this.  For 2 reasons:  1) it makes me feel like the B&G are trying to show how generous they are and make them seem like they are better than you and 2) makes me feel guilty about not doing more charitable donations on my own.  But maybe this is my own insecurity.  However, I also believe that charitable giviing is a very personal choice and I don't like other people telling me who I shoudl be donating to.

Anyway, it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth (even though it is supposed to be a very generous thing).  I'd avoid it.

golden1215

If you decide to turn around donate money you get to a charity, you can do that, but I wouldnt put it anywhere on an invite.  Its like telling people how to donate, which can be a very personal choice.  Obivously (I hope ) you wouldnt pick a controversial group like Planned Parenthood or the Right to Life Committee but still, it gets tricky telling a whole group of people how to donate.

Just make no mention of gifts and have your parents spread the word.

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_gifts-recession-appropriate-potentially-problematic-please-w-other-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:f689f5ae-d70d-46ac-8497-5ca920fd05d4Post:211be7f1-6f61-4cbf-be34-a8d2fe4e9555">"No gifts." Recession-appropriate, or potentially problematic? Please help w/ other questions</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe put 'no gifts' in a soft, subdued color on the invitation?
Posted by lr10022[/QUOTE]

Writing something in a more soft and subdued color doesn't change the meaning of the words, no matter what you're trying to say.