Registry and Gift Forum

Registry for people that don't want "Stuff"

Me and my fiance are having trouble creating a registry.  While there is lots of things I can think of that I'd like to have, we both agree that most of the time this stuff just makes life worse in the long run. It's a burden.  But we don't want to ask for cash.  We're not going on a honeymoon, and pretty much never have any time off to ever travel so asking for honeymoon or travel gifts is out.  Aside from a few actual "stuff" items, we've put some supply type items on our registry.  Things like Dr. Bronners liquid soap, Seventh Generation liquid dish soap, and a good home first aid kit.  But we don't want the whole registry looking like a list of toiletrees and cleaning supplies.   We don't want to ask for charity donations in our names, because we do believe that wedding gifts are about helping a couple create a home together.  But what do you ask for to make a house a home when you don't want stuff? 

Re: Registry for people that don't want "Stuff"

  • You dont have to make a registry, especially if you arent having a shower. If you dont make one you risk the chances of people buying you whatever they want, but most people would take the hint and give cash. If you are having a shower, you pretty much have to have one since watching someone open a bunch of envelopes isnt any fun. There has to be something you and your FI want to upgrade, new towels, sheets, dishes? It doesnt have to be a large registry.

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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-for-people-that-dont-want-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:fb2df3a5-35e4-4df3-a237-efdd695e0049Post:1c2da555-3399-4d5d-8fd0-00bd98211562">Registry for people that don't want "Stuff"</a>:
    [QUOTE]Me and my fiance are having trouble creating a registry.  <strong>While there is lots of things I can think of that I'd like to have, we both agree that most of the time this stuff just makes life worse in the long run. It's a burden</strong>.  But we don't want to ask for cash.  We're not going on a honeymoon, and pretty much never have any time off to ever travel so asking for honeymoon or travel gifts is out.  Aside from a few actual "stuff" items, we've put some supply type items on our registry.  Things like Dr. Bronners liquid soap, Seventh Generation liquid dish soap, and a good home first aid kit.  But we don't want the whole registry looking like a list of toiletrees and cleaning supplies.   We don't want to ask for charity donations in our names, because we do believe that wedding gifts are about helping a couple create a home together.  But what do you ask for to make a house a home when you don't want stuff? 
    Posted by dvlucke[/QUOTE]

    Can you give examples? I'm not sure what you mean here.

    That said, surely you could use some new towels, sheets, comforter set, etc?  Or perhaps a better coffee pot or new cookie pans?  It doesn't need to be items you don't own....you could put items you wish to upgrade on your registry.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    A registry is for physical items that you can use and enjoy together.  If you need some things around the house, register for them.  If you don't, just skip the registry.

    You never ask for cash (or any gift) so that has nothing to do with anything.  
  • You could register with Amazon.com if you're looking for stuff that isn't as traditional.
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  • Please don't register for dish soap.  

    If there is absolutely nothing you need to wish to upgrade, then don't register.  If people ask you if you are registered or what you might like, you can tell them "We have everything we need, but we're saving up for X (home downpayment or renovations, new car, whatever)."  They might give you money, or they might give you a chilli pepper tea cozy.   

    Registry items are supposed to be things that you can use together.  If you don't need sheets and towels, then maybe think about camping equipment or reasonably priced sporting goods. Dish soap is not something you can use together.   Seriously though, you might consider really nice sheets and towels.   The high-thread-count ones will last you a lifetime and you won't ever need to buy new ones.  You can keep the old ones as a spare set, and then when they start to wear out you can cut them into cleaning rags.  If you don't have room to store you old set, I'm sure they could be of use to a homeless shelter.
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  • Yeah I'm confused as well - why would nice sheets, matching towels, and a coffeemaker be a burden on your life?

    And ditto PP - please don't register for dish soap.  I think registering for consumables is sort of tacky in general, unless it matches with something else non-consummable (like K-cup flavors that go with a keurig or those special trash bags for the simple human trash cans).  But dish soap?  If you need dish soap head on down to your local grocery store and just buy it....
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-for-people-that-dont-want-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:fb2df3a5-35e4-4df3-a237-efdd695e0049Post:1c2da555-3399-4d5d-8fd0-00bd98211562">Registry for people that don't want "Stuff"</a>:
    [QUOTE]Me and my fiance are having trouble creating a registry.  While there is lots of things I can think of that I'd like to have, <strong>we both agree that most of the time this stuff just makes life worse in the long run. It's a burden.</strong>  But we don't want to ask for cash.  We're not going on a honeymoon, and pretty much never have any time off to ever travel so asking for honeymoon or travel gifts is out.  Aside from a few actual "stuff" items, we've put some supply type items on our registry.  Things like Dr. Bronners liquid soap, Seventh Generation liquid dish soap, and a good home first aid kit.  But we don't want the whole registry looking like a list of toiletrees and cleaning supplies.   We don't want to ask for charity donations in our names, because we do believe that wedding gifts are about helping a couple create a home together.  But what do you ask for to make a house a home when you don't want stuff? 
    Posted by dvlucke[/QUOTE]

    You really need to explain what you mean by this.
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  • Thanks for the replies eveyone.

    Let me clarify that I do not believe that having nice sheets and matching towels, etc. would be a burden on our lives.  It's nice to have nice things.  But it's the accumulation of more items I'm talking about.

    What I mean by stuff becoming a burden is that material objects have a way of piling up over time.  Closets and cabinets fill up making it harder to find what you need when you go looking, and more things hang out in plain site making the home look cluttered.  And when it's time to move, you really feel the burden. We're not in the city we want to end up in, so we will defintely move at least once more in our lives.  And while you can always donate goods to a thrift store or local charity, the best way to make sure a useful item stays out of the landfill is to use it yourself.  This is why we have been hesitant to put upgrades on our registry, but perhaps we need to just get over that.

    I've been trying to think of upgrades that could actually replace 2 or more of something, but haven't had any brilliant ideas.  The problem is that we've been living together for several years and have already upgraded many of these things.

    My main point is that our goal is to reduce the amount of stuff we have to what we can pack into our two cars, with the exception of furniture of course.  Asking for material gifts sounds like increasing the total number of objects in our life, but maybe that's the wrong way of looking at it.

    And as for just not registering, if I know my family well enough it means we will definitely be increasing the amount of objects we receive, because they are going to give us gifts whether we ask for them or not.
  • And for everyone that seems so offended by the idea of asking for dish soap, I understand where you are coming from. I think it does sound a bit tacky from most perspectives.  Still, I don't agree with the person that was against it because it's not something a couple can do together. I fail to see how doing the dishes together is any different then using your new baking pans to make cookies together.

    I'm cool with taking the soap of the list, but we were originally trying to create a registry of items that would help us create a nice home together, without adding to the amount of stuff we have.  Consumables was the first thing we thought of, as they satisfy both of those requirements.

    I'm wondering if you all would find it equally as tacky to ask for nice edibles.  I'm thinking here the kind of nice foods that we like to eat but rarely buy at the store because they are a bit pricey in the context of your weekly shopping trip.  Does it make it any less tacky that its about eating together rather than cleaning together?
  • dvlucke - I am in the same position as you currently are.  My FI is in his last year of college and we plan on moving once he is done.  We have lived together for 7 years.  What was helpful for me was to create only a small registry of things that we needed or wanted to upgrade now and then choose items that we didn't have or wanted to use later once we moved.

    Like you I did put a soap dish, towel holder, new towels, ect. on our registry list knowing that this is what WE want in our new bathroom when we move.  At my shower this past weekend we did get those items and no one said anything negative about it.  FI grandma even made us a beautiful quilted shower curtain to hang that matched the colors we had picked out!  Everyone knows that we have been living together for so long.  Besides the smaller items that we did get we also received gift cards to the stores we registered at so we can use those when we move.
  • OP, you can put consumables on your registry if you want, but generally that's not what I think of when I consider wedding gifts.  People who want to buy physical gifts (like me) instead of giving cash usually feel like part of the point is that it's something you can look at down the road and remember the giver by.  I very much associate the objects in my life with the people who gave them to me, and that's why I give physical presents.  Consumables can be cute as part of a gift basket, but I would always ALWAYS give you something non-consumable to go along with it.

    I really think you need to just get over it.  I think the goal of being able to move in two cars is rather unrealistic, but then I'm not a minimalist.  That said, I don't like clutter, so we registered for things like serving dishes and linens that can be hidden away until we're ready to use them.  We also upgraded virtually all of our kitchen gadgets and kitchen electronics because FI and I kept cheaping out every time it was time to buy one of those items.   We will hopefully be making some very large donations to charities in the future with our old items.
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  • 1.  Register for new towels
    2.  Receive new towels.
    3.  Donate old towels to worthy charity (men's shelters almost always need towels) or
    3b.  If old towels aren't nice enough to donate, then cut into rags
    4.  Put new towels in the linen closet.

    I don't see how this accumulating new stuff.  We replaced a lot of my old stuff from right out of college with new stuff from the registry, and made several huge donations to worthy charities.  You might have to look around to find good homes for your old stuff, but it's worth it to be able to donate stuff that might last a few more years because it's been replaced with something that will last you twenty.

    I understand what you mean about moving and having lots of stuff -- I'm in the military and I've moved 8 times in the last 10 years.   I hate clutter.    But new things doesn't necessarily mean MORE things.  

    People don't want to give you dish soap so you can do dishes.  That's not going to help you start your life together, something that will last you most of your marriage, and that you will look at years down the road and think "Oh, honey, remember, this is the throw that your Aunt Mildred gave us!".  Dish soap only lasts a mont or so, and people don't want to think of them while you dothe dishes.  They might give you a Target gift card, with which you can buy your own dish soap, though they can rest easy thinking that you might be buying yourself new dish towels or a cutting board or something.  Make sense?
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  • Here's what you should do:
    Make a registry at BBB, then return the 'stuff' you don't want to keep for gift cards, and then do your consumable shopping there, since most of them have household products.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-for-people-that-dont-want-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:fb2df3a5-35e4-4df3-a237-efdd695e0049Post:fa2ff88a-f8b3-45a5-87f3-dbe34831ec33">Re: Registry for people that don't want "Stuff"</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's what you should do: Make a registry at BBB, then return the 'stuff' you don't want to keep for gift cards, and then do your consumable shopping there, since most of them have household products.
    Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

    <div>Please do not do this.  First of all, why bother registering for things you don't actually want?   Second of all, it's this "just return it for cash" concept that has driven stores to institute penalities for returning items (like stricter return policies, re-stocking fees, etc).  People who DO buy stuff or register for stuff with the epress purpose of returning it are ruining it for those of us who genuinely need to return items from time to time.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-for-people-that-dont-want-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:fb2df3a5-35e4-4df3-a237-efdd695e0049Post:fa2ff88a-f8b3-45a5-87f3-dbe34831ec33">Re: Registry for people that don't want "Stuff"</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's what you should do: Make a registry at BBB, then return the 'stuff' you don't want to keep for gift cards, and then do your consumable shopping there, since most of them have household products.
    Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

    <div>Super dishonest.  Please don't do this.  People may get you GCs to the store where you register, and you should feel free to spend those as you want, but don't return the toaster that someone got you from your registry, thinking you could legitimately use it, for sponges and soap.</div>
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-for-people-that-dont-want-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:fb2df3a5-35e4-4df3-a237-efdd695e0049Post:fa2ff88a-f8b3-45a5-87f3-dbe34831ec33">Re: Registry for people that don't want "Stuff"</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's what you should do: Make a registry at BBB, then return the 'stuff' you don't want to keep for gift cards, and then do your consumable shopping there, since most of them have household products.
    Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

    Agree w/ PPs....horribe advice!  I'd be extremely hurt and mad if I found out the bride just put an item on a registry to exchange it for cash.  That's very deceitful to your friends and family.
  • Why not register for some romantic experiences for yourselves as newlyweds, a nice dinner or a weekend getaway?
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