Wedding Woes
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Cried all afternoon on Sunday, FRUSTRATED

On Sunday I went dress shopping at David's Bridal with my sister, who is getting married six months after me, and her best friend Jessica. I didn't think it would be a problem to start asking some questions about my BM dresses, since I already purchased my dress there. I really like the idea of doing a solid black halter neckline with an ivory sash or ribbon. I didn't tell ANYONE this, but Jessica overheard me asking our consultant about sashes. Next thing I know, Jessica is wearing a solid black dress with an ivory sash, telling my sister how amazing a black and white color scheme would look for a fall wedding. I was slightly perturbed by this, but not too upset. My mom talked to me about it  in the car on the way home, and I apologized for not putting my sister first, since we were there to shop for her, not me. My mom said not to apologize, because my sister was bitching about me the WHOLE time we were in the dress store. She doesn't want me in her wedding because she thinks I'm a terrible big sister, even though no one was happier for her and her FI than I was. She's telling anyone who will listen that the only reason FI and I are planning our wedding for March is because we're trying to steal her glory. She says I have a complex about my baby sister getting married before me, which is ridiculous, because she's been with her FI for four years and he could have proposed ANY time in that four years. She also is trying to tell everyone we're not really engaged because I still don't have a ring (we purchased it on layaway so as NOT to go into debt). It hurt me so much that I am so supportive and loving towards my sister, then the claws come out when it comes down to us sharing our special days together. I cannot imagine my wedding without my sister standing up there with me, but my nightmare is that somehow she will find a way to make my wedding about her because she doesn't want to share the spotlight. Unfortunately she's the kind of bridezilla who thinks it's a wedding year, not just a wedding day. We announced our engagements both at a barbecue at my parents house this past weekend, and she kept introducing my FI as my boyfriend, and reminding everyone that we've only been together two months so how can anyone take us seriously. (We've known each other for over a year, though we just started dating) She keeps suggesting that my parents give her more money because HER marriage is more likely to last, therefore be less of a waste of all that money. I made the mistake of posting on Facebook that my parents offered to help us purchase our first home. Even my sisters friends are telling me to back off and not steal her thunder. One of her BM's snarkily commented that I am the selfish money grubber, even though I made sure to point out that we would be getting a house INSTEAD of money for our wedding. I would rather let my sister have the big fancy wedding if that's really what she cares about, because I'd rather have my own home anyway. I would also rather keep our guest list under 100, so if people might have to decide between the two weddings, I'm telling people to choose hers. All I care about is marrying the man of my dreams, but it hurts SO much that my sister expects me to be shunted off to the side because her wedding is more "real" and "serious" than mine. I just don't know what to do. I've already got half my wedding planned, and my sister just barely started. I know it's not cool to revoke an invitation to be in the bridal party, but I know I won't be able to take her dress shopping for me, or out with my MOH to look at flowers, or even enjoy sitting at home with her and my mom addressing invitations over a glass of wine. I sincerely don't want every aspect of planning my wedding to turn into something about her wedding, and I'm terrified that that is exactly what will happen. I just don't know......

Re: Cried all afternoon on Sunday, FRUSTRATED

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    duckie1905duckie1905 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    1.  There is more to this story than you are a great, supportive sister and she is the devil.  There are two sides to every story and I really doubt it is as black and white as you claim it is.2.  Don't put wedding, money, or family related crap on facebook.  That is a uber-bad call.  I'm glad you realize it was a mistake but it was stupid and probably made the siutation a hell of a lot worse than it was before. 3.  Don't argue with her BMs.  If they piss you off, ignore them.  They obviously aren't your friends so why would you care what they think/say/do.4.  Don't go all "holier than thou" on everyone.  You are not better than you sister because she is getting money for the wedding and you are using it for a house.  You know, some people don't get money for either and (gasp) have to pay for both themselves. Be grateful for what you have and don't worry about what your sister has or is getting.5.  Some people just like having the spotlight.  She is obviously one of those people.  You keep saying that you don't want the big wedding (and that all you care about is marrying the man you love) so why do you care so much that she wants all the attention?  Give it to her.6.  If you don't want to involve her in planning then don't.  Don't lie to yourself though and claim that you don't care about attention but then not include her because you don't want the attention on her.7.  Use paragraphs.  kpleaseandthankyou
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    edited December 2011
    Same advice as PP. If she really is that bad ppl will look badly on HER when she brings up herself at your events.Let it go...
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    jodipplsjodippls member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, what they said.
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    edited December 2011
    Thank you, Duckie. I really could use a Cliff's Notes version of this one.
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    janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Please someone give Cliffnotes.  It's too hard to read without paragraphs.
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    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry it was so long.....:-/ Suffice it to say sometimes all it takes is cooler heads (aka: Knotties) to help see it from another perspective. Thanks guys! I was so focused on how much she hurt me, when you're right, it really will just reflect badly on her, and I should ignore her.
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    edited December 2011
    You've only been dating for two months...?  I'm sorry, but I can't really blame your sister at least for worrying that it won't last.  That is WAY too soon to be engaged. 
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah I wouldn't say your sister is handling herself with much grace, but if I was in her shoes I'd probably also be a little bit annoyed that in the midst of my planning my wedding to the man I'd been with for 4 years my sister got engaged to someone she'd only been dating for 2 months and planned a wedding for a few months earlier.  I also suspect there is at least a small part of you that rushed into your engagement to beat your younger sister.  Otherwise, why get engaged after two months?
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto what Kati said
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    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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    edited December 2011
    Anything you can do I can do better, I can do anything better than you. NO YOU CANT yes i caaann NO YOU CANT... O im sorry thats the song that wasy in my head while reading all this. Ya know what I knew after 2 months of datikng my fiance? His fav pizza topping and that he sucks at bowling. ya know what I knew after 4 years? He was the one. I have 2 questions...#1 who set there wedding date first?#2 Y is you using the $ for a house and her using it for the wedding make you any better? In this economy Id let them pay for the wedding a buy a cheap house. Doesnt make me any more correct than you.
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    edited December 2011
    You've been a couple for two months and you're engaged?!?!?!  Why would you do that?  Even though you don't want to hear this, I'm going to have to go with your sister.  I know your sister isn't handling all of this in the best way possible (talking about you in front of family is not a mature thing to do).  I think she might be saying those things because she is annoyed at you.  I think she might be annoyed at you because you are rushing into a marriage, where as your sister has been in a long relationship.  If you push the issues with your sister aside, I really worry about your marriage working if you haven't been a couple for more than two months.  I would give a it a few years.  Getting engaged after two months is a total joke.  And no, it doesn't matter that you have "known" him for a year.  A year still isn't that long.
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    edited December 2011
    I'll go against everyone..although i do agree with some of it.. You do have the right to be annoyed just as she has the right to be annoyed that you are engaged so soon in the relationship. Planning a wedding when you are the bride is a very trying experience so the bad in everyone comes out. If you aren't lieing about wanting to just marry the man you love and want a small wedding then have a destination one. Go somewhere beautiful and tie it in with your honeymoon. Relax and just go on with your planning, i have had many breakdowns in the last few weeks as my wedding date comes closer but after a few days of relaxing the feelings go away and the excitement of the wedding comes back. O and so what she didnt use paragraphs sometimes when your in a middle of a rant you dont take time to stop and look at grammer and paragraph structure, if it bugs you then dont read and move on.
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