What 2nd wedding "rules" are you following? Blowing off?

8daysaweek

What "rules" or "guidelines" or whatever of 2nd weddings (if any) are you sticking to and what are you not following? I know a lot of the traditional rules regarding second weddings have fallen out of custom but I'm just curious.
This is my 2nd wedding and FI's 1st. We also have a daughter (3 months) already and I was okay with a courthouse wedding but FI really wanted to do something bigger so here we are.

I've (politely) declined a shower and I'm planning to wear a coffee and ivory colored gown - although that's mostly because of my pale-as-a-ghost complexion.

FI really wants to do a registry though so we are going to do one. We're having a somewhat small wedding (at least as small as it can be with our huge families) in a church and reception at his mom's afterward.

Thanks!

suzieharris

There are really no rules.  As long as you and your FI agree, then anything is fair game sister.  Have fun with it!

hsbstone

The biggest rule is to do what you want to and feel comfortable with it. In my case I have some procedurers and policies;like: because I will have a DW, I am trying to see sophisticated dresses but not in bridal style as much as can.Something elegant and classy out of the social dress rack will be great for me. Also,  no veil or blush, no cathedral or any other length, no tiara, no gloves, no walking down the aisle with any one, no special ceremonies or gifts. FI and I decided to do this wedding about us and we just invited our families and the closest friends that we love.Fun is the word for us all, and we intend to have a great time with our guests. Due to the insistence of my friends from Italy -  that don't see me that much since I've moved to live here - they are organizing ";lingerie shower " for me and I couldn't refuse because very feel of them all  will attend just the reception in Italy, a couple of them may come to my DW, and some won't attend anything else, just this shower, so I will go for it once they  are old and lovely friends and I don't see them as much as I would like to.  and this time together with them will be very worthy for us all.

Erin McCormack

As pp have said, there really are no rules.  We're all at the stage in life that we realize what really matters and that the rules are just guideline to follow. The luxury we are afforded now is that we don't have to answer to anyone but ourselves.  Our wedding our way is the theme for most of us and that's what it's supposed to be about anyway, unfortunately, for the younger first time brides, that tends to get lost. 
For me, I'm having the wedding I've alway's wanted.  Been there done that with the first big wedding.  Now, I'm haveing only 60 guests (friends & family), small church ceremony, and a small reception afterwards.  I'm wearing a tea length ivory dress with no veil.  I'm having so much fun this time around, doing a lot of diy projects, incorporating some Irish traditions and I'll be walking down the isle to my cousins husband playing the bagpipes.  As my FI say's,  he wants to marry me, have a party and go on a honeymoon.  That's it !

Just keep in mind that everyone attending is there to help celebrate your love and commitment for each other and that's what it's all about. 

Good luck and I hope you have a lot of fun planning your special day. 

Take care.
Erin

melissamc2

I'm following pretty much the same "rules" I did the first two times around - none at all.

I like things my way (and my fiance's, of course), so that's how it's going to be.  My first two weddings were both nice sized events, with full decorations and gowns and everything else.  This one is an even BIGGER event with everything amplified.  It's my fiance's first wedding, and God willing only, so we're going all out.  I may have been married before, but I've never been married to HIM before!

No one is walking me down the aisle (as before), I'm in a full wedding gown (Maggie Sottero this time), I'm wearing a tiara, so much of it is completely over the top, and I will be every single bit "the Bride," even though I'm within spitting distance of 40 and have four children.

I can't add much to what the others have said - we're all on the same page here, for the most part.  Do what YOU (and your fiance) want, not what anyone else thinks you "should" do.  You SHOULD enjoy yourself and have very fond memories of your wedding to the man you love.  That's it!

Congratulations and good luck!

SueR13

Like Erin, I am having so much fun planning this wedding. I don't remember doing that when I got married the first time, nearly 29 years ago. This time it is FUN!

We're picking and choosing what we want to do and how we want to do it. FI got married the first time in college so had a small wedding and he's enjoying the fun things that we're including in our wedding. My first wedding was more traditional than what we'd doing now, so this is different for me, too.

Other than a work shower, no showers for us. No bachelorette or bachelor parties. We're having an out of towners dinner rather than a rehearsal dinner - since some of our wedding party can't arrive until the morning of the wedding (those that live just under 2 hours away).

I've written our ceremony and FI and I wrote the vows together. We're having a friend officiate. Our wedding party consists of our 4 daughters, 1 granddaughter. I'm having the same MOH. His brother who was too young to be involved his first time is his best man. My son is walking me down the aisle.

This is very much our wedding... from start to finish.

Cattm42

We are doing it all "wrong". I don't do rules....
Our "honeymoon" is a motorcycle trip 3 weeks before the wedding. We are exchanging our vows during our "reception".
My dress is Lilac/Lavendar.

Have fun, enjoy yourselves.

BocaSue

I wouldn't follow any rules but the ones I wanted to.  The second time around is for us only!  Congrats on your upcomming wedding.

mswood1977

My recent wedding was mine and my husband's second marriage, but I didn't have a wedding the first time and he did have a wedding but not the full Catholic Mass he wanted. So we planned our wedding like it was our first wedding, keeping it pretty traditional (and in the Church with the full Mass).  We did keep the guest list small (under 50) because we where paying and didn't want a giant overblown wedding, just the people closest to us there. 

My only "rule" is that it is your's and your FI's wedding, you should do what makes both of you happy.

melliott09

This is my second and my FI's first. I got married in the courthouse the first time (and REGRETTED it!!) So this time, I want something on the beach and we both want something low scale.

We have lived together for 6 years, he is a "step-father" to my 2 older children, we have a child together who is 3 1/2 and we own a house together. I tend to do things backwards, but it's what makes me happy :-)

I don't know of any rules, but I'm just kinda doing what works for us and makes us happy :-)

MikesAngie

Ah here we go again someone brought up rules... I keep forgetting there are rules when one is getting married?! Okay, so to chime in with the previous posters - there are NO RULES and there really shouldn't be for the first timers either. 

We are doing things the way we want, following our dreams and hopefully creating a ceremony and reception that will have our family and closest friends leaving with great memories.

I'm wearing a white gown because ivory and all variations there of make me look sallow and sickly. My ladies will be in classic navy blue and will be carrying white bouquets handtie in navy ribbon, there will be 4 of them, the gents will be in black tuxedos with navy blue vests and bow ties, my groom will be in a black tux and a slightly different vest and bow tie. This is the only wedding that counts... if you want to understand why please read my posts Miss Resilient Bride at itsabrideslife.com.  (sorry for the plug but they are wanting readership).

So do what you and your fiance want your way and to heck with those who disagree!  It's about celebrating your love and you as a couple and whoever isn't on board with that doesn't have to attend! :-P

2dBride

Well, I never exactly figured out whether ours was a first or second wedding.  It was the second for me, but the first for my wife.  And while I think traditionally one looked at whether the bride had been married before--well, we had two brides, so that didn't help.
Among the second wedding (assuming it was one) "rules" we broke:
*  We had bachelorette parties--two of them actually.
*  We had a registry.
*  We both wore long white (well, ivory) dresses.
*  We both wore veils, including blusher veils.
*  We had the wedding in a synagogue, not a courthouse.
*  We had a reception--two of them, actually.  We had a sit-down luncheon in the private dining room of a Legal Sea Foods in Massachusetts, near our ceremony venue.  And then we had an at-home reception with live music, a first dance, general dancing, a cake-cutting, a toast, and a DIY fauxtobooth.
The harder question is what rules we followed.  We left out some things (showers, bouquet toss, garter toss, parent dances), but those were things that we just didn't care for, not things we skipped because it was a second wedding.

hwright

At first I looked at planning the wedding as a pain in the neck - last thing I needed was to add more to my to-do list - but then once I had picked an invitation it became kind of fun. (My fiance made an invitation in powerpoint and planned on printing it on photo paper and maill it in a manilla envelope. At that point I had to step in, I am in publishing and was absolutley horrified.)

It is much more fun picking everything out this time around since we are paying for it and have no one to appease, and I figured I'm 40 years old and in theory this should be the last time I do this so I am having fun splurging on what I like. And it's kind of fun to get my traditional mother all riled up - she cannot believe we are not having a wedding cake and instead are having Sanders hot fudge ice cream puffs for everyone.   

 

FAERIE_PRINCESS

this is going to be my 3rd wedding. the first one was like a fairy tale and very "proper". my second was in a courthouse and it well, sucked. this time im doing it MY way. I love retro glam looks and im having a themed party with lots of fun. rules do not apply here. the ceremony itself is going to be casual with all the guests sitting at the reception tables since im hosting it all in one room. my thoughts are that if its what YOU want, then do it. if others dont like it, they can take a walk!

SueR13

And here I'm hoping that I don't have to have my ceremony at the reception tables... but that's our back-up plan for rain. We're supposed to have our ceremony outside, overlooking the NY State Thruway which has special meaning for us.

And right now there's rain in the forecast for our day. Of course yesterday the same forecast was for mostly sunny and cool. I'll just have to keep checking the weather.

embracejoy

I'm not sure what the "rules" for a second wedding are... so I have no idea which ones we're following, and which we're breaking!

This is the second marriage for both of us.  We're getting married on a beach in Maui, with about 20 people (immediate family and a few friends) in attendance.  I'm wearing a silk ivory knee-length dress (NO VEIL!  I wore a 9-foot veil at my first wedding, there was NO way I was wearing one again), FH is wearing an ivory silk Hawaiian shirt with mocha-colored cargo shorts we found at Old Navy.  We'll be barefoot for the ceremony, and then wear flip flops after.  We'll all head back to the condo we're renting for a little family dinner party/BBQ, and then we'll be having a luau reception (probably outdoor at a local lake) next spring or summer here in CA for everyone who didn't come to Hawaii.

We've hired an awesome photographer and getting a small, beautiful tiered cake for our wedding day.  Honestly, those were the most important elements to me in the planning process.  At my first wedding, my cake was HORRID and we had a friend take pictures.. at FH's first wedding, they didn't have a photographer (the only pictures were those taken by family members).

We haven't registered anywhere, because we honestly don't need anything!  When we combined households, we ended up getting rid of a ton of stuff.

When it comes to a second wedding (or first, third, fourth, whatever), who CARES what the "rules" are??  Do what makes you and your fiance happy, and enjoy your wedding day!

bruno811

This will be the second wedding for both of us, and this time, we're hosting a destination wedding in St. Thomas with our five kids total. No veil for me, just a strapless flowy ivory dress from Nordstrom, and my two daughters and his one daughter will wear dresses they pick out in blue or eggplant. My son and his son will be the best men, and my son will walk me down the aisle. We're expecting roughly 40-50 people in attendance (big for a destination wedding), but heck, we're not doing this again! My mom and sisters are insistent on hosting a shower, so we registered and posted everything online (website hosted by the Knot). Overall, this is MUCH more fun than the first time around! We are comfortable knowing we get to spend the rest of our lives together...at the end of the day, the wedding is just a nice party/vacation with the family and afterwards we'll get back to our real lives...together

AbbeyS2011

My first wedding was extremely non-traditional:  We threw it together in 2 days, got married in a small red barn, in the middle of a cornfield, in July, in Iowa, and I wore a casual blue denim dress.  I knew only the minister and his wife and family, barely knew any of our guests, we did it at the end of a camp meeting.

This time around, since this will be my LAST (FI's also, this will be his 3rd), I am going for the white gown, church wedding, dancing at the reception, the whole she-bang! 

The only "rule" is: there are no rules!  Do whatever you want, and offer smelling salts to the old prudes who faint at the sight of you wearing a black gown, or dancing down the aisle, or you having a man of honor or whatever you want!

dwest2201

Well I wore white the first time and will be wearing ivory this time.  Looking at the pictures of the first time I wish I would have not worn white then though... it wasn't as flattering.

I won't be wearing a veil, but I didn't the first time around either.

We weren't planning on registering but I've been informed that FMIL told FI that they will be having a shower "because that's what they do" so we should.  I'm not against registering or getting gifts, I don't want people to feel obligated though... especially my family.

otishere

I was confused on the "rules" as well since this is the second marriage for both of us.  In the end we decided to do what pleases us, much to the chagrin of family and friends. 

We are having an elopement ceremony at a B&B in Savannah.  Just the 2 of us.  He's wearing a tux, i'm wearing an ivory dress(it's actually a BM dress, but doesn't look like it) and we're having a photographer.  We really liked the idea because our first weddings seemed to be about everyone else, so now we are having a wedding that is just about the two of us. Fam & friends say they understand, although they make lots of comments to the contrary.  We've just smiled, nodded our heads and stood our ground.  I figure your wedding is a time when it's okay to be selfish!

(this is where I was confused - we aren't having any guests so I don't feel that we should have a shower & get gifts, but his mom is adamant about having one, so we are going to let her plan a small one for her/his family only.  then we are just going to have a big party at our house after. no gifts.)

So do what YOU want to do.  This is your special day together.  Don't let anyone steer you away from your idea of what the beginning of the rest of your life should be.

Congratulations and good luck!

flyjawn

rules?  are there rules??!!?

lol.... at the best of time, i don't follow rules.  

red1115

I'm so glad the days of slinking off and "quietly" re-marrying are long gone!  no one should be ashamed to get married another time.  Hope blooms eternal.

I have to say I love being a 2nd time bride - much more fun and less stress.