July 2012 Weddings
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BM question

So I don't want to sound like I'm complaining or whining, but do your BM's ask you how your planning is going? I have 5 BM's, and I talk to them pretty regularly - some I e-mail with because it's easier for them, others it's a phone call every other week to catch up. I don't see them regularly and when I asked them to be bridesmaids, I never expected that they'd tag along for planning, etc. because they live far and they're all so busy with their own lives. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it bothers me that when we do talk, they don't ask about the wedding at all. Is it because it's far away? Should I be volunteering information about it? I don't like doing that because I don't want to turn into one of those brides that always talks about the wedding. I guess I feel a little hurt but I don't know what to do about it. It almost makes me feel like maybe I picked wrong, which makes me feel bad that I would have done that.

Has anyone else had issues like this (or non-issues, I guess)? What have your experiences been with your BM's?
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Re: BM question

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    My bridesmaids all live far away, too, and I rarely see them.  I probably talk to them once every other week or so. 

    My sister (MOH) and I talk about it occassionally.   Just bounce ideas off each other.  She helped a lot with my photographer, and sends pictures of BM dresses that she likes. 

    My best friend (BM) asks me about it all the time and always wants text updates and can't wait to hear what is next.

    My other best friend (BM) never asks about it, and I think it may be because it's just not the stage of her life that she's in.  She's super excited to be in my wedding and cried happy tears when I asked her to be a BM, but we rarely talk wedding planning when we talk, and that's okay with me. 

    Volunteer info if you think it's a need to know thing, like hotel room blocks, dresses, etc.  They're your friends first, not just BMs, so I wouldn't worry about it if they don't want to talk wedding with you. 
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    Well I've only asked my MOH and she's still unsure she'll be able to travel. My other BM is my 15 year old sister lol. So obvs I don't have many BMs but I get what you're feeling. We all know "no one cares about your wedding as much as you do blah blah" but I wish a few people did sometimes haha. Or at least the ones who are involved in the big day. I never expected them to ask me much about it, because I know that's how they are. But the truth is, I wish I had an awesome group of BMs that would love to help out, go look at things, pitch in, have girls night etc etc... maybe it's a little too movie-like... but that's my deep dark secret haha.
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    We don't really talk about it too much with each other.  They all ask how it's going, but I really don't share too much info with them unless I need an opinion.  I'm not too worried about it.  IF they ask, they ask, if they don't, they don't. No biggie!
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    Alli you have a PM :-)
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    All of my BM are out of town as well.  What I have noticed, personally, is that my sister (MOH) and another one of my bridesmaids who is already married ask me a lot more about the wedding than my other BMs.  I just think that until you plan a wedding, you don't even really think much about the planning that goes into it.  Are your BMs married?

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    Most of my BM's don't really ask a lot but none of them are anywhere close to being married in their lives.  They ask how all of it's going but nothing really.  At least I have you guys to tell everything to hehe.  They did say they would all love to help with DIY stuff like programs and invitations when the time comes.

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    I don't talk about my wedding much with my bridesmaids. Usually when we talk they'll do the courtesy "How's wedding planning? Any new things I should know?" but it's usually a quick check-in before moving on to non-wedding related topics. To be honest, I'm a little sick of talking about the details. Part of me does an internal eye roll when people start asking questions about the wedding. Many days I skip the wedding planning detail threads on here, I mostly enjoy the ones that are not wedding related or are wedding related but are more focused on relationships (like this one), as opposed to flowers, hair, dresses, etc.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_bm-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:33321913-d8c7-4bb5-b0a7-6e2687b4d0bfPost:dd3db430-8e72-4d70-a883-6e872c134c52">BM question</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I don't want to sound like I'm complaining or whining, but do your BM's ask you how your planning is going? I have 5 BM's, and I talk to them pretty regularly - some I e-mail with because it's easier for them, others it's a phone call every other week to catch up. I don't see them regularly and when I asked them to be bridesmaids, I never expected that they'd tag along for planning, etc. because they live far and they're all so busy with their own lives. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it bothers me that when we do talk, they don't ask about the wedding at all. Is it because it's far away? Should I be volunteering information about it? I don't like doing that because I don't want to turn into one of those brides that always talks about the wedding. I guess I feel a little hurt but I don't know what to do about it. It almost makes me feel like maybe I picked wrong, which makes me feel bad that I would have done that. Has anyone else had issues like this (or non-issues, I guess)? What have your experiences been with your BM's?
    Posted by AlliScott0414[/QUOTE]

    NO ONE really askes me how my planning is going (other than FMIL the odd time), not anyone in my family, not my friends, just FMIL. I never talk about the wedding either so it's not a lack of interest on their part because I rarely talk about the upcoming wedding.
    What do you do about it? Well even though I'm a little hurt that no one really seems to care I just keep in mind that they might be going through something themselves (or they're really inconsiderate, some of the ppl are this option). 
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    OMG... you guys are SO helpful! Why can't you all be my bridesmaids?!

    Nati, you totally get me!! I am an only child (and so is FI) so I always had the idea in my head that when I picked BM's, they would be just as excited as I was and it would be the way it is in the movies, or even the way some of the girls on here have BM's who are excited and call them about things, etc. 

    Mzad, you bring up a good point - I have one BM who just got married in June, and I was her BM and my FI was in her husband's bridal party too. She is the only one that asks, if at all! And she always wants to be there for me if there's drama with the wedding, but I haven't taken her up on that because to be honest, there's no drama in my family (but there was tons in hers). On the flip side, another BM is very, very upset that she's not engaged, so it's a combination of me not wanting to throw it in her face/her not wanting to hear what's going on because she wishes it was her.

    I think you girls have really made me feel better. Everyone's got stuff going on in their lives and at the end of the day, they probably don't really realize what goes into planning. The counselor in me just keeps telling myself we can't change the way other people feel. And it's the last thing I want to be stressed about, to be honest!! 
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    mekiakoomekiakoo member
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    edited December 2011
    Same here- all of my BMs are from OOT and none of them have been married before. One is engaged and planning her wedding so we talk about it once in a while.

    I just like to keep my wedding talk to my FI and my family because they are the ones who are probably the closest to being excited about our wedding! It doesn't bother me, I actually get uncomfortable when people ask me about our wedding planning because I don't want to bore them. Let them be surprised on the day of our wedding!
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    Three of my bridesmaids live in the same town as me and two are out of state. My three girls that live here always ask me about planning. My two out of state girls I don't talk to as often but when I do talk to them only one out of two asks me how planning is going. The other one NEVER asks me and she is my Matron of Honor... kind of sad. I usually will volunteer the information but she doesn't seem that interested. It kind of hurts...
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    Snooks, I hear you. It does hurt! I have my moments, I suppose, where it hurts more than other times. I had been feeling pretty bad about all of this for the past few days. I guess I worry it means I didn't pick the right girls?
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    No, I don't think you picked the wrong girls. You obviously picked them for a reason. Maybe they will start asking more about it when it gets closer but I still think they should be talking to you about it, especially since they're in your wedding party. The way I think about it is, that's the kind of person they are and at least I know that now. I already asked this girl to stand up for me and I can't un-ask them just because they don't seem interested in my wedding. But throughout this process I have gotten to see her "true colors" and after the wedding I can decide whether or not I want to maintain a friendship. This is not solely based on her role as a bridesmaid but as a person. She never asks me ANYTHING about my life. She only talks about herself. Never asks me how work's going, how house hunting is going... anything. So this was just kind of the icing on the cake. But I am just thankful that I am not that kind of person. That's all you can do I guess.
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    I can't get away from the wedding talk! I don't usually bring it up, unless it's something that I need to vent about or need an opinion about, but everyone is super involved and helpful. I have 5 BM that live out of state, and 3 of them don't ask about it as much, but my other 6 girls are always asking questions. I think it just depends on the person. These girls are all newly married or just love weddings, so they like to talk about it.
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    Well, I haven't technically picked mine yet, but I sort of know how you feel.

    I've always known my sister would be one of my bridesmaids, so that was easy enough. She's not really girly or into wedding stuff and she's my sister and we share an apartment, so really her not bringing up wedding stuff all the time doesn't bother me at all. She does show me really crazy and funny wedding stuff on pinterest now and then and tell me to use it, which of course I never will, but anyway... I don't mind.

    Now my dilemma came with the maid of honor. I was going to ask my childhood best friend that I am still close with, except she is out of town, and so the first time I saw her after getting engaged was about three weeks after the fact and she literally spent the first 45 minutes of our visit talking about her ex-boyfriend drama that's been going on for a year now. She brought it up way later, but it still hurt a little.

    On the flip side, I have my best friend from college that I talk to everyday and see several times a week. She asks me about my wedding like everyday. She sits with me for hours looking at wedding blogs and even after she and her long-term boyfriend broke up and she came over to my house for cookies and girl time, she STILL wanted to hear all about my wedding. And I was definitely not planning to bring it up out of sensitivity to her situation. But that's the thing, she really loves me so much that she wants to be part of it all, no jealousy or anything.

    So, I really want my current best friend to be the MOH now, and my childhood best friend will be a bridesmaid, unless I can figure out how to use another friend instead without hurting feels. Woah... so many issues lol
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    I just got off the phone with one of my BM's, who just got married in June and lives in FL. She's the only BM that's a plane ride away. She had the same issue with her BM's not asking her about the wedding, etc. and because I was in her wedding, I know from the other side that her MOH was really not into her duties and all that, so the result of the bridal shower and the bachelorette party wasn't too pretty. I was telling her a little about how I feel and we decided together something similar to what someone said above, that it's the kind of people they are and you have to sort of tell yourself/resign yourself to that fact, even if only to make yourself feel better and not feel like a bad person for wanting to talk about your own wedding or have friends that are excited to help you. It's still sort of sad, though. It makes me sad that everyone is really having these issues, in one way or another!
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    Yeah I think everyone has their own issues with their wedding party. As least you're not alone, right?
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