Getting Feedback from FI and others

NathanandJordan

I don't know if any of you ladies are having this problem, but I am!  Whenever I talk to my FI about our wedding, I usually get one word answers or we will talk for five minutes and then the subject is changed.  Our wedding is in a year and we don't have a venue picked out much less anything else!!  He (and mother and bridesmaids) keeps saying we have plenty of time, but I am afraid we don't!  Am I just crazy thinking this?  And how do I get my FI to give me some input? Or my bridesmaids? Or my mom?  They all just say "It's your day, do what you want"  HELP!




PS:  Totally random, but hpw do you get your wedding ticker on your posts.  I want mine to show!

Jay+Marissa

Same here, though he has finally started to show some interest in the past week.

See my ticker below

TexanTreasure08

I am in the same boat with my fiance, and I am just having to do all the planning on my own. I guess it's good, he says I can get whatever I want so I kind of have free reign. We actually have an agreement where I wont bug him with wedding talk/questions and he wont mention anything about boats or cars or whatever else he is obsessed with at the moment that is annoying me. It's working out pretty good for us. 

Kris612

Yup..same here! His answer to any question I had; "I don't know, whatever you want." UGH!!!

llc2011

I get that from my FI too!  He's good with whatever I show him, and is always like "whatever you want".  When picking vendors, I would research and narrow it down to a couple and then get his input then.  For things that I know he enjoys (designing the monogram, eating cake, working with tools), I get a better response.

I guess most guys (not all, but most that I have been around) simply aren't big on the details.  Tell them where to be and at what time, and they're good to go.

amberpro

I'm like Marissa- FI had little to no interest until the last 2-3 weeks (getting married Saturday).  I wouldn't push him either.  

My mom was a big help in the long run, but in the beginning, it was all me finding places, making appointments, researching.  People will start to help more when you have a venue and a few details squared away.  Also, ask directly.  "I have appointments to _____ on the ______.  Can you come with me?  I'd really appreciate it."   I promise, by the end of this, you'll be telling people to butt out

NathanandJordan

Thanks guys! I really appreciate the responses! 

tc1016

I agree with the girls. Giving FI a couple options (Do you like band X or band Y better?) or asking for help on things he cares about has worked better for us. Otherwise he just doesn't care. I will say that he seems more interested lately (we're almost at the 4 month mark) than he did at the beginning.  Also, when we attended a friend's wedding, he made comments about what he liked and didnt like, and how we could incorporate the things that worked well for them (and avoid the things that didnt work so well).  If you're going to any weddings this summer, that may help him too.

MsLaura31

I'm happy to see this post... this came up on my club board and ALL of the girls said their FI's were super involved with everything... it was really a little hard to believe!

Bootsie12

My FI is the same way! He just wants to be involved with the food aspects of the wedding. I use to get mad when he would say " whatever you want," but he just wants me to be happy.  My friends and family have been absolutely great.  Good Luck it will get better.

Mariah09202008

My husband was interested in some aspects of the wedding and not interested in others. It really depended.  Honestly, I think you've got plenty of time to find a venue and everything else.  But I'd schedule a few weekends to go check places out.  Make appointments.  But remember to breathe and not stress out.

linzcw04

Same here....my FI was the "whatever you want...whatever you think" guy until about 2 weeks ago when he realized that we will be married very soon! Like yours, he didn't understand why I had to book everything like a year in advance but now he really appreciates that everything is done and I'm not CRAZY trying to figure things out for the vendors and such...although my DIYs are a different story but that is self inflicted. lol. Just give him time and don't push him - he'll come around and so will everyone else! I did a lot on my own and now when ppl ask questions I can say, "oh, it's already done, thanks." and they are really surprised.
Believe me by the time you are coming up to the weeks before the wedding you will want ppl to butt out b/c everyone will be trying to help! HTH and GL!!

Happy Planning.

ewinkler1977

Truthfully, my husband did want to have a say in how some things went on wedding day.  He felt that it was just as much his day as mine.  He even went to a bridal show with me, not that he enjoyed that part.  I don't think he knew what he was getting into.

Tiffany618

I used to hate the.. "you have plenty of time" comments I got.   I did almost everything for my wedding early and I'm glad I did.   I had the most relaxed last few months, it was great.

Anyway, back to the point.  Like PP, my FI cared almost zero about the details.   My recomendation for you?  Start spending $$ on it, that ALWAYS got his attention.

Good Luck!

Edit: Husband!  I'm never going to get used to that!

serlace

I agree with PPs.  I did the bulk of the research, narrowed it down to a few choices, then asked his opinion.  I did make him go to every appointment with me.  You do have a lot of time, but trust me when I say it will FLY by! 

shortgirltx

I had times like this but overall DH was better than the typical guy you read about.  I think what kept his attention in the beginning was that we had a to do list of what needed to be done and when.  For the most part we did everything together ourselves but there were some things that I said "If you want this, you are on your own."  I just did not want another DIY project.

lacy1603

same for me too...I would narrow it down for him to choose on some things.  I booked my venue shortly after I got engaged but other than that, I waited until the last minute to do the rest.  But I have the luxury of a sunday wedding so I don't really have to deal with a lot of vendors being booked already.  I think it depends on the time of year and day of the week to gage when you should be booking things.

cfibelkorn

Is there anything that he enjoys doing that is part of your wedding?

My FI is in charge of music (with me being the final ok) but he really enjoys music so I gave that to him as his part of contributing to planning.

And of course he was interested in the cake and menu tasting, and also the honeymoon planning hahaha but the major things like venue I narrowed down from what felt like a hundred and had him vist two or three with me and then help me choose.

Also...Amberpro is soooo right! Right now people might not be going crazy but once you book the venue and other big elements then they will be ANNOYING you because they won't butt out with their opinions haha

One year is totally fine! Just breathe