Second Weddings
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2nd Wedding - Just Us and the Kids...On the Beach

This will be my second wedding and his first.  He is in his 40's, I'm in my 30's.  We have 2 children from my previous marriage.  We are planning a simple beach ceremony at sunset with just us and the kids and are excited and today I'm going with my daughter to the dress shop to get dresses for us both.

I'm finding myself a big mixture of emotions.  I love this man so dearly.  We have been together 3 years now and he is the only father my children have really known.  He came into my life when I needed him the most and he's always been there for me and the kids.  I know he is the one I want to grow old with.  I also worry that what we're planning isn't enough for him, that after waiting so long to marry that this simple ceremony isn't all that he deserves, even though he assures me he's excited for it.  I worry I won't be everything I wish I could give him.

When I think about it, though...for my first marriage, I had the long train, the veil, the flowers...everything you're "supposed" to have and do.  The wedding itself was beautiful and the pictures perfect.  The marriage, though, wasn't.  Now, I have the relationship I have always wanted...why not have a relaxed, comfortable, enjoyable wedding, barefoot in the sand?

Has anyone else gone through this?  I read the post "It's normal..." and that really helped.  Smile

I have found that family has reacted kind of...apathetic to the whole thing.  One relative even said, "Well, it's just a piece of paper."  It's more than that to us.  It's cementing the family we've built together and beginning our lives together anew...and it's so special that we don't want to share it with anyone else.  Wink

Re: 2nd Wedding - Just Us and the Kids...On the Beach

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    I think your wedding will be wonderful..... I haven't met any straight guys that have "dreamt of their wedding since they were 5" so their expections generally aren't blown out of proportion like some first time brides.  It sounds as if you will have the most important elements there which is the two of you becoming husband and wife and your children.   I'm sure the beach is beautiful.. and what more could one ask for?  Did you two decide together what the wedding would be? As long as he was included in the decision, I don't see how he could be disappointed.  I see your wedding date is soon, you must be so excited!!!  Are you doing a sand ceremony or anything like that with the kids?
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    I'm not familiar with the sand ceremony...it seems to be really popular right now...
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    My second wedding was barefoot on the beach.  But... then again, so was my first.  I think your ceremony will be what you make it.  For my first I did let a lot of tradition and "what you're supposed to do" dictate my wedding which I didn't do for the second wedding.  We definitely enjoyed ourselves!  I say do what you want and make it what you want it to be.
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    DH and I got married on the beach in Key West.  It was just the two of us (I have a grown daughter, but we wanted it to be very private and very intimate).  It was wonderful.  Much better, I think, than my first, medium sized wedding.

    The wedding industry is just that. An INDUSTRY.  Do what is important to you and your fi, and it will mean more to you than any million dollar affair. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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    I understand the desire to have a wedding on the beach.  I have no doubt it can be as great as you want it to be.  However, if you feel this is not "enough" for your FI, perhaps you need to get that on the table for a frank discussion.  How is it that you've gotten this deep into your planning and you still have apprehension rolling about? 

    I'm really big into listening to my gut.  If your gut is telling you he might not be satisfied with what you have planned, you may want to give yourself the time and space to change your plans.  Flexibility is your friend.

    I wish you the best of luck!
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    I've certainly felt the way you do and frankly, I wish I were having the intimate ceremony you've described.  I had the whole nine yards the first time and really wanted something intimate and private this time around to focus only on the marriage/blending our families instead of everything else that sometimes comes with "the big day".  Also, even though I am a romantic at heart and love weddings, I am not really comfortable being the center of attention when I've done all of that before.  And as for cost, I'm the type of person that would rather have something small but REALLY nice, with everything I want than something large but scaled-back.

    FI's first wedding was very small (4 people) and didn't include any of his family.  He wanted the big Saturday night, sit-down dinner, party, big wedding party, etc.  He had NO idea how much all of that costs. 

    I had a really hard time trying to explain why I just didn't want or feel comfortable having all of that.  In fact, we actually had some arguments about it.  We went back and forth about a destination wedding, but by the time we paid for us, our kids, and two moms, it would cost the same as hosting everyone here at home.

    In the end, we compromised and are having 120 guests for a Sunday morning ceremony and brunch reception.  Other than our three teenage children, we don't have a wedding party (which he was disappointed about).  There are some other traditional things we are skipping, but he's been a good sport. 

    I've had a year and a half to plan everything.  As the time is drawing closer (May wedding), FI has said he wishes he'd listened to me and that I should have put my foot down.  Huh?  Yeah, right.  He sees how costly weddings can be and how much stress the planning is.  I have mixed emotions about it but for the most part, I still long for something intimate, elegant, beautiful, and simple.  Yes, a beach ceremony with the 5 of us would be perfect. 

    Having said all that, I know our day will be great.  And even though he says he wishes we'd have had something much smaller, I know FI will love every minute of it, as will the kids, and that's worth it all.  Smile
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