Bridesmaid MIA - Help? What to do?

tthurst1

Hello All!

I figured this would be the best discussion board to post my query.  Let me preface this by saying I am not about to gripe and moan on about how one of my bridesmaid isn't nearly as excited for me, so I am going to pout abou itt - - that is not me at all! I understand how no one except my FI and I are as excited about the Big Day as we are!  I am just wanting some helpful advice on how to handle a recent situation.

I have a bridesmaid who has been a longtime friend of mine and although we live in different cities, we are still very close and keep in good touch, just as I do with my other Bridesmaids.  Recently, we were thrown a shower by my cousin and my sister and it was an entertainment shower and she was calling or texting me almost daily saying how excited she was, asking what I was wearing, etc...  She and I had talked and she had booked a hotel room in the city, was asking directions to the house where the shower would be and we were even talking about getting a drink the night before when she got in town with the rest of some of my friends who were attending the shower.  When Friday night rolled around, she was suppose to call me when she got in town but I didn't hear anything.  I didn't think much of it and assumed she got in late so I just sent her a text that said "hope you got in town  okay - we look forward to seeing you tomorrow at the shower!"  

So, long story short, she never showed up to the shower the next night.  No biggie really - I just now started to get concerned - its not like her to not respond, we talk several times a week.  I called her the next morning and left a message telling her I hope she was alright, etc... I then assumed she might have gotten sick or something.

Well, that has been over a week ago, and I still haven't heard from her at all.  And I know she is okay (not sick, etc...) because she has been fairly active on facebook and has gone out with friends, posted pictures, etc.  Please keep in mind she is a best friend of mine and unless there was a large fight that occured that I do not know about, I do not know why she wouldn't be answering me for going on two weeks now.

I am sure this scenario above is along the same lines of several posts on there and I am not going to be mad at her just because she didn't come to my shower.   I really right now want to know whats going on with her and why she is suddenly MIA.

Any suggestions on how to handle this? TIA!

kimp67

I would say call her again & maybe leave a private fb message asking her what is wrong & saying that you are concerned because you haven't heard from her.  Don't mention the shower at all.

cyn1812000

I agree with PP - just tell her you're worried since you haven't heard from her and that you're just checking in.  That's what I would do.

tldh

Call her and don't mention anything wedding related.

And OP, please change your screen name NOW.  Using your last name is never a good idea especially since we can look up your first name.  There are crazies who have caused trouble at a person's job, cancelled wedding vendors on them etc.  It would only take three minutes on public information pages to find out where you live and a little more to really start causing trouble.  I'm not saying this will happen but why take the chance?

lalap69

That's really odd, I would be concerned too.  I would definitely leave her a message on facebook or her voicemail (or fire her an email) letting her know that you're worried that you haven't heard from her and you just want to check in and make sure she's okay.  If you have mutual friends, maybe you can ask them if they know what's up with her?

tthurst1

Thanks for the help thus far ladies!  I have sent her a private FB message earlier today and will wait a couple of days in hopes of hearing from her....it's just rather odd that she would do something like this unless there had been a falling out, which there hasn't been at all!  Here's to hoping I hear from her and that something isn't dreadfully wrong!

Kristin789

The MOH is the coordinator of the BMs.  Have your MOH contact her.  That way, if there IS some problem between her and you that you just don't know about, the BM can communicate freely and openly with the MOH instead.

ichellemay1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-mia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:04119efb-31fa-42a7-a46e-37c23040d5e0Post:59d4a292-1073-42c6-8794-f805c337ef8b">Re: Bridesmaid MIA - Help? What to do?</a>:
[QUOTE]The MOH is the coordinator of the BMs.  Have your MOH contact her.  That way, if there IS some problem between her and you that you just don't know about, the BM can communicate freely and openly with the MOH instead.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

This makes no sense to me. 

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-mia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:04119efb-31fa-42a7-a46e-37c23040d5e0Post:59d4a292-1073-42c6-8794-f805c337ef8b">Re: Bridesmaid MIA - Help? What to do?</a>:
[QUOTE]The MOH is the coordinator of the BMs.  Have your MOH contact her.  That way, if there IS some problem between her and you that you just don't know about, the BM can communicate freely and openly with the MOH instead.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Um, no. As an adult woman, she should be able to handle her own issues, not send an intermediary party to do it for her.

I think you're doing everything you can at the moment. I would continue trying to reach her via phone and email, and keep stressing that you are concerned about her and her well-being, versus trying to track her down for wedding stuff. If the wall of silence continues, then at some point, you'll have to make the decision as to whether or not you are willing to continue the friendship.

virgincita

She's embarrassed. Something happened and she accidentally missed your shower and then didn't call you to explain (strike two). Now she's avoiding the situation because she feels so bad. I had this EXACT same thing happen with one of my bridesmaids and the engagement party.

I finally had to call my friend and say something like, "Hey girl...I really miss you. I hope you don't think I'm mad about the party. It's not a big deal, ok? Call me back so I know you didn't fall off the earth or something. We can hang out and just have a "you and me" day. Love you!!"

(obviously I disagree with the other posters on not mentioning the shower...I think you SHOULD mention it so as tpo diffuse the situation.)

She called me back, profusely apologizing (even though I said I didn't care, which was the truth) and things have been great ever since. And guess who has been the most dedicated bridesmaid? Yup. Maybe it's the guilt, but I appreciate it  nonetheless.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-mia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:04119efb-31fa-42a7-a46e-37c23040d5e0Post:59d4a292-1073-42c6-8794-f805c337ef8b">Re: Bridesmaid MIA - Help? What to do?</a>:
[QUOTE]The MOH is the coordinator of the BMs.  Have your MOH contact her.  That way, if there IS some problem between her and you that you just don't know about, the BM can communicate freely and openly with the MOH instead.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]
Yes, because it's so much easier to communicate freely and openly with someone you don't know than with one of your friends.  Seriously, this makes no sense.

tthurst1

Hi Everyone!

Wow- thank you so much for the help and advice!  I really appreciate it and hearing that others would be reacting the same way I am is very reassuring!

What isn't reassuring is it is going on week 4 now and I  STILL HAVE NOT HEARD FROM HER!  I mean, are you kidding me?  I kind of gave last week a break, knowing it was a holiday and Thanksgiving, but I still attempted to call her Tuesday and left a voicemail basically saying that I hoped she was okay, that I was NOT mad at her about the shower, etc...that I just wanted to know she was alright and something drastically horrible had happened!  Nope...still no response, oh but do not worry because she is still super active on Facebook!  What gives?

At this point, I agree with one of my PP - that I have to eventually decide if I want to continue the friendship.  I chose her because that is someone I wanted with me up at the altar as I marry the love of my life.  And thought we were very good friends indeed, but perhaps she thinks otherwise.

I am sorry, but NO one is too busy to send a 10 second text and say - I am so sorry, I will call you about everything later, etc...she hasn't even done that, just completley ignorning me.

Perhaps she is embarassed, but this is just making it worse. 

Is there anything else I can do that I haven't done already?  Right now I just want to know if she is even still interested in being in my wedding or much less, my friend anymore  

I am really saddened by this, and mad too!

jcamm11

Sorry to hear your friend is flaking out on you so bad.  I've had some very close friends who have been flakes as well - it hurts.  Please come back and update when you finally get some closure on the situation!