Can you disinvite a MAID from your wedding party??

jleigh812

So right now I have 7 bridesmaids, but I'm thinking about only having 5. Can you disinvite someone from your wedding party? Or should I just stick with my initial 7? Thanks so much for your help!

nannewmur

I am not totally clear and your wedding is almost a year out, so I assume you have already asked.  I would not be happy to be dis-invited and you know the two you are thinking about doing this to.  It is very poor etiquette to dis-invite.   How would you feel if this was you?  A lot can happen in the next 11 mos and maybe two drop out for some reason.

I don't mean this mean but for other brides, this is why you don't ask until like six months before. 

SeptemberFall2011

Are you wanting 5 because 7 is too many?  Or are there 2 you want to step down because of a fight or rude behavior?  If it is the former you're in a pickle.  If it is the latter-just ask them to step down and that will be the end of it.  You will run the risk of not being friends ever again.  But if anything wedding planning (and other major events) tell you what kind of friends and family you have!

8daysaweek

In short: No. It's rude and will reflect poorly on you.

If you just feel like you have too many, you're just stuck. You've already asked them and if you "dis-invite" someone it is a very rude and public slap in the face and your friendship will be over.

If you are asking because the relationship is strained, you need to think about this separate from the wedding. Forget the wedding; it isn't about that. It's about your friendship or relationship.

Keep in mind: It's one thing for someone to not be in your wedding because the friendship ended; it's a very different thing for them not to be your friend because you kicked them out of your wedding.

saisongbird

No no no no no!!!  You can't uninvite someone from your WP unless they've tried to kill you, stop the wedding, or sleep with your FI.  You can't do this without ending the friendship, and advise your friends who aren't married yet to think long and hard about who they ask to be in their WP before asking them.  This is also why it's not a good idea to ask your bridesmaids until about 9 months out.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_can-disinvite-maid-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:046851d6-a860-44b1-be33-fafa9a772c39Post:1672da4b-1b13-427d-b9b8-b8f524e99932">Can you disinvite a MAID from your wedding party??</a>:
[QUOTE]So right now I have 7 bridesmaids, but I'm thinking about only having 5. Can you disinvite someone from your wedding party? Or should I just stick with my initial 7? Thanks so much for your help!
Posted by jleigh812[/QUOTE]

Only if you are willing to lose two friends should you do this.  How would you take it if you were asked to be a bridesmaid and then unasked?

aerinpegadrak

Kicking someone out of your WP will make you look like a huge bitch to everyone who gets wind of the situation.  There are only two exceptions to this: if the attendant sleeps with or tries to sleep with you or your FI, or if their transgression was great enough to warrant police involvement (e.g. theft, assault, arson).

How do you expect that conversation to go?  "Well, I thought I wanted you up there, but it turns out that an arbitrary number was more important, and you just didn't make the cut.  Sorry!" 

Suck it up and take this as a lesson in not being so hasty with decisions that involve other people.

vixey

You can do whatever you want.  But you'll look like a jerk and probably ruin two friendships in the process.

Also, ditto katelynbrian - how are you going to pick which two get kicked out?

lolomilly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_can-disinvite-maid-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:046851d6-a860-44b1-be33-fafa9a772c39Post:1672da4b-1b13-427d-b9b8-b8f524e99932">Can you disinvite a MAID from your wedding party??</a>:
[QUOTE]So right now I have 7 bridesmaids, but I'm thinking about only having 5. Can you disinvite someone from your wedding party? Or should I just stick with my initial 7? Thanks so much for your help!
Posted by jleigh812[/QUOTE]

No.

zitiqueen

Why don't you just say you want to kick them out? Do you think "disinvite" makes it sound less horrible?

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_can-disinvite-maid-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:046851d6-a860-44b1-be33-fafa9a772c39Post:a08d7f92-e9c8-4721-972a-9011bedce49b">Re: Can you disinvite a MAID from your wedding party??</a>:
[QUOTE]Are you wanting 5 because 7 is too many?  Or are there 2 you want to step down because of a fight or rude behavior?  If it is the former you're in a pickle.  If it is the latter-just ask them to step down and that will be the end of it.  You will run the risk of not being friends ever again. <strong> But if anything wedding planning (and other major events) tell you what kind of friends and family you have!
</strong>Posted by SeptemberFall2011[/QUOTE]

A wedding is no reason to lose friends and family over. It's a party, not an excuse to treat people like crap. There is no need for people to support you through planning a party. If you are nice to people, they will be nice to you.

OP - If you've already asked them, you can't ask them to step down. Even if there has been a fight (as September has suggessted) I suggest you take this time to figure out what happened and work on the friendship. There's no reason a party should come between friends.

trix1223

IMO~it would send a terrible message to all 7 of your bridesmaids.  The message would be "You're not that important to me after all.  I just cut 2 of you, so you just never know.....maybe I'll decide in another couple of weeks that I only want 3 in the WP.  So play your cards right or you're fired."

If you toss two people, your remaining friends and family (I say remaining because the two you toss will not be friends anymore) will talk about your wedding.  They'll tell people how you kicked out two people for, well what? 

Because a number was more important?  Because you changed your mind?  Because you didn't like the two booted gals anymore?  The reason won't matter, actually.  Because people will wonder and speculate and spread rumors.

Is that really what you want?  Don't do this.  Unless of course, they've done something terribly dreadful, like call the salon and cancel your dress because they think it would be funny.

bablingbrooke

No.  You'd be seen (correctly) as a huge bridezilla who values style over substance, and probably lose the friendships to boot.  So not worth it for the sake of numbers.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_can-disinvite-maid-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:046851d6-a860-44b1-be33-fafa9a772c39Post:a08d7f92-e9c8-4721-972a-9011bedce49b">Re: Can you disinvite a MAID from your wedding party??</a>:
[QUOTE]Are you wanting 5 because 7 is too many?  Or are there 2 you want to step down because of a fight or rude behavior?  If it is the former you're in a pickle.  If it is the latter-just ask them to step down and that will be the end of it.  You will run the risk of not being friends ever again.  But if anything wedding planning (and other major events) tell you what kind of friends and family you have!
Posted by SeptemberFall2011[/QUOTE]

OP, this is an example of the attitude you shouldn't have.

Summer2011Bride

No, this can't happen unless you want to come across as totally rude and ruin your friendships. If you're worried about uneven numbers, many people have them nowadays; it's no big deal. Once you have asked, you need to follow through with those in your WP

marcstacey

Of course you can.  I kicked out my sister-in-law because both she and her parents are crazy and are emotionally abusive, toxic people.  This was AFTER the conversation my now husband and I had agreeing that we were ready to end the relationship with his whole family because they were too toxic.  You have the right to have your day the way you want it, but you have to be ready for the friendship to end entirely and to have no more contact with the people you kick out.  You can't kick them out of your wedding and then expect them to attend as "friends" or have anything else to do with you.

deepcovejackie

No.