Am I being a "Bride-Zilla"?

Tamma254

 If I am, I know you lovely ladies will have no problem stepping up and letting me know, and giving me the foot up the butt that I deserve.

A little background: My Mom passed away a little over two weeks into the relationship between my FI and I. I didn't tell her about him, because she was very ill with lung cancer. Now, when it comes to the wedding planning, I was trying to involve my FMIL and FSIL (BM) in the planning and what-not, but at the same time, I am trying to implement things I know my Mom would have loved, to make it feel like she is with me on that day.

With everything I showed FSIL, she was being VERY negative. I had found a bouquet online that I loved, and she told me it just wouldn't do, because it was too small. When I found a BM dress I fell in love with, she blatantly told me she hated it. She told me it was “too plain for a wedding, more like something you would wear to dinner party.” When my FI called to find out what was wrong with the dress she told him something entirely different from what she told me. I can't stand being lied to. I eventually gave up and gave her 4 choices, and she picked the one that was my least favorite.

I had asked my little cousin to be a Jr BM when we announced the engagement, but it had totally slipped my mind until a few weeks ago, and now FSIL is mad because she's no longer the only BM.

To top it all off, I was told by FMIL that I could not have a male MOH, to which I replied “I wouldn't one if Drew isn't it” she took it upon herself to appoint FSIL as MOH, um... no. I refuse to get married without Drew by my side, we've been friends for 13 years, and I had already asked him.

More recently, it's come to my attention that she's planning a “surprise” wedding shower for me... Two hours from where FI and I live. None of my friends or family will want to travel 2 hours for that. So, it will end up with me only knowing my FMIL and FSIL who are there. Not a good thing, considering I have social anxiety, and can't stand to be in crowds, especially people I don't know. Couple that with PTSD-BWS, I will freak out if people I have never met before want to come up and start hugging me. The last first impression I need to leave them with is me having a black out.

sigh...

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_am-being-bride-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:04ace69f-a11a-407f-947e-397f0ef58c86Post:17e9864b-3499-437f-b82e-2611754fc617">Am I being a "Bride-Zilla"?</a>:
[QUOTE] If I am, I know you lovely ladies will have no problem stepping up and letting me know, and giving me the foot up the butt that I deserve. A little background: My Mom passed away a little over two weeks into the relationship between my FI and I. I didn't tell her about him, because she was very ill with lung cancer. Now, when it comes to the wedding planning, I was trying to involve my FMIL and FSIL (BM) in the planning and what-not, but at the same time, I am trying to implement things I know my Mom would have loved, to make it feel like she is with me on that day. With everything I showed FSIL, she was being VERY negative. I had found a bouquet online that I loved, and she told me it just wouldn't do, because it was too small. When I found a BM dress I fell in love with, she blatantly told me she hated it. She told me it was “too plain for a wedding, more like something you would wear to dinner party.” When my FI called to find out what was wrong with the dress she told him something entirely different from what she told me. I can't stand being lied to. I eventually gave up and gave her 4 choices, and she picked the one that was my least favorite. I had asked my little cousin to be a Jr BM when we announced the engagement, but it had totally slipped my mind until a few weeks ago, and now FSIL is mad because she's no longer the only BM. To top it all off, I was told by FMIL that I could not have a male MOH, to which I replied “I wouldn't one if Drew isn't it” she took it upon herself to appoint FSIL as MOH, um... no. I refuse to get married without Drew by my side, we've been friends for 13 years, and I had already asked him. More recently, it's come to my attention that she's planning a “surprise” wedding shower for me... Two hours from where FI and I live. None of my friends or family will want to travel 2 hours for that. So, it will end up with me only knowing my FMIL and FSIL who are there. Not a good thing, considering I have social anxiety, and can't stand to be in crowds, especially people I don't know. Couple that with PTSD-BWS, I will freak out if people I have never met before want to come up and start hugging me. The last first impression I need to leave them with is me having a black out. sigh...
Posted by Tamma254[/QUOTE]

1. Stop telling FSIL your wedding plans.

2. Your FI needs to reign his mother in.

AutumnFair

I think you learned not to involve FSIL anymore because of her negative comments and lying. Plus, who cares if she isn't the only BM, she'll get over it.  

Your FI needs to deal with his mom about the "surprise" wedding shower. If you don't want a shower tell him that because of your social anxienty you rather not have one, though you do appreciatel the jester. 

As for your WP. She can say anything she wants about you not allowed to have a boy and her daughter is going to be MOH but it isn't going to happen. Just stick to your guns and say, "sorry but it is my wedding party and I can have whom ever I want standing next to me". 

Sounds like one controlling FMIL, your FI needs to be on the ball with standing up to her and you both sticking to your guns when making future decisions. 

SSaltzman87

Your FMIL and FSIL need to butt out, and don't share your wedding plans with them. They sound like drama queens. If at all possible, save up the money for the wedding YOU want if your in-laws are footing the bill. That way, it'll be on your and FI's terms, not FMIL's.

Who you have in the WP is your business, not anyone else's. It's pretty childish for FSIL to whine about not being the only BM.

FI also needs to step up to the plate and defend you when it comes to the surprise shower, and in any other appropriate situation.

I don't think you're being a bridezilla at all.

Tamma254

Thanks, ladies.I thought I was starting to lose my mind.


Oh, and we are footing the bill entirely ourselves.

In the end, I decided to do the bouquets myself, that way, if FSIL has any complaints, they'll see how she really is.

Is that mean???

Kniblet

As mentioned above, stop telling them ANYTHING.  If they bring it up, change the subject.

mancini104

If you and your fiance are footing the entire bill yourselves then no one besides you and your fiance gets a say.  Who cares what everyone thinks.  You can never make everyone happy no matter what you do and you will drive yourself crazy.  Screw what anyone else thinks.  I know that's hard to do, especially when they're being blunt about it, but they're not paying for it.  No pay = no say. 

Some people are criticizing my choices for my wedding and I tell them tough.  And they moan and groan and try to convince me otherwise but I stick with my choices and they get over it.  You are not a bridezilla.  

Bottom line: you and your fiance call the shots.  

Congratulations btw!

vicki0508

I agree with PPs - stop talking to FMIL and FSIL about the wedding.  FSIL has picked out a dress, so really she doesn't need to be involved in anything else.

Either you need to tell FMIL you don't want a shower, or FI needs to tell his mom that you don't want a shower.  However you do it, you should decline the shower.

deepcovejackie

Agree with pp's.  Stop sharing wedding plans with them, you're not going to get validation for your choices.  You're not being a bridezilla.

mandi921vh

Stop sharing wedding plans!

SSaltzman87

Since you guys are paying for it all yourselves, then you really do hold all the power. You can't satisfy everyone, and as others have said- no pay, no say.

KateG528

No your future in laws sound like "in law-zillas" If your FI has no issue with a male MOH your FMIL cant say anything. 

StacyJenniges

Absolutly NOT!  You are in a hard spot, you don't want to mess with your relationship with your in-laws, I wish I could give you advise on what to do because I don't really thinkg telling them to butt out is quite the thing to do, I think your Fiance should say something to them.  You do not want your wedding to ruin your relationship with people who will be your family for the rest of your life, but at the same time you don't want people being so negative about the things you want in your wedding.

I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this.  Good luck and I hope you have a great wedding and even better marrage.