Moms and Maids

my bridal shower and future mother in law

so my bridesmaids are planning my bridal shower and when i told my future mil the date she said ok then she told me she might just "pop in for a few minutes". i am marrying her only son who is an only child and she hasnt liked any of the plans of the wedding and hasnt helped out with a single thing and now she might not even be coming to my only bridal shower...am i over reacting or is it ok if my fiances mother doesn't come??

Re: my bridal shower and future mother in law

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Hmm. That is strange.

    The rule is that the MOB and MOG should be invited to all showers. Of course, you can't force either to attend. Don't let it ruin your fun if she doesn't show or leaves early. Enjoy the people who choose to celebrate with you.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    she is invited and ive tried including her in everything and its like she doesnt even care.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Yes, I understood that she is invited. My point was that you must invite her, but there isn't much you can do about it if she decides not to attend. If she doesn't show up, have a good time without her.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    i was just kind of hurt that she doesnt care enough to come and stay for awhile. its not like she has to work or anything that day i checked. she isnt a busy person at all she usually just stays at home. i just dont understand her thinking i guess
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I don't blame you for feeling hurt about this. You could ask your fi if he has any insight to why his mom wouldn't want to attend. Maybe this is typical behaviour for her. In other words, don't assume that she is trying to slight you. Does your fmil know your other guests? She might feel more comfortable if someone from her side is invited to the shower.

                       
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridal-shower-future-mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:07d0fed2-5647-458f-9b3f-606c30a12ef7Post:119fdf92-80e6-4211-89ae-30a2a9d9c389">Re: my bridal shower and future mother in law</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't blame you for feeling hurt about this. You could ask your fi if he has any insight to why his mom wouldn't want to attend. Maybe this is typical behaviour for her. In other words, don't assume that she is trying to slight you. Does your fmil know your other guests? She might feel more comfortable if someone from her side is invited to the shower.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    I like this =]

    I'm really am sorry your hurt. I hope you won't let it ruin your shower, you deserve to have fun! Also, like the pp said, she might be more inclined to come if she can bring someone with her (that is if the rest of your FI family won't be attending).
    some MOH love! Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    I'm sorry to hear about this. Like pp's said, is all you can do is invite her and leave it at that. You can't control other peoples choices and behavior. And whatever happens, don't let it ruin your day. Heck, my own Mom was late for my shower.

    Is she really anti-social or something? Who is throwing this shower? Are you having another that is for your FI's side of the family?
  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridal-shower-future-mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:07d0fed2-5647-458f-9b3f-606c30a12ef7Post:d3dac5d0-0ae8-4969-8aab-a17156671987">my bridal shower and future mother in law</a>:
    [QUOTE]so my bridesmaids are planning my bridal shower and when i told my future mil the date she said ok then she told me she might just "pop in for a few minutes". i am marrying her only son who is an only child and she hasnt liked any of the plans of the wedding and hasnt helped out with a single thing and now she might not even be coming to my only bridal shower...am i over reacting or is it ok if my fiances mother doesn't come??
    Posted by ashrey06[/QUOTE]

    Maybe she feels like you're not including her?  It sounds like you either haven't asked her for her opinions on things or haven't used any of her ideas.  Since she doesn't have any daughters, this is her only chance at being involved in a wedding, and she may feel like you're not letting her.

    Or, it could be that she's just not into weddings.  If you two have an otherwise good relationship, then this probably isn't personal.  If you two don't have a good relationship in general, you can't really expect that to change for the wedding.
    Married 10/2/10
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My DD's MIL arrived seconds before the gift opening started.  She left as soon as it was done.  My DD just figured "Well, that's her" and let it go.

    Don't set yourself up for sadness.  Send the invitation.  And then realize that while it would be wonderful for her to be there, and be enthusiastic, she just might not be.

    She might be uncomfortable in social situations.  She might be uncomfortable about being the MOG, and not sure what her "role" should be at the events.  She might be uncomfortable with being around people she doesn't know well.  She might just hate showers.

    If she does show, be gracious and introduce her to everyone.  And be happy she came at all.  And if she doesn't show, okay.  Let it go.  Be a little disappointed, but don't let it ruin what will otherwise be a lovely and memorable event for you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    Some people just don't get in to weddings. How far out is the date? Maybe she has something that was planned already but will try to make it, if only for a few minutes. I wouldn't worry about it. Some mothers just don't get into weddings.
    Anniversary
  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    First of all, the bridal shower is for the bride's closest friends.  The MOG gets a courtesy invitation, but sometimes does not come or just pops in for a few minutes, because...

    Secondly, the MOG will know no one there except the MOB and the bride, and all the talk will be by the bride's friends - who the MOG doesn't know, and ...

    Thirdly, some bridal showers are very sexy, almost like bach parties, and the bride is opening gifts of edible underwear and crotchless panties - and the guests are wrapping each other in toilet paper, etc.  A middle-aged MOG does not want to squeal and clap when the bride unwraps a vibrator "for when DH is out of town for business" and she doesn't want to wrap toilet paper around some young BM who is half her age and half her weight.

    Fourthly, the FMIL doesn't want to say much at all, because this big wedding and reception are being planned by the bride's parents, and, while these choices would never be her own choices, she has to suck it up and act nice even though this is her only child and the only wedding she will be involved in as a parent.

    All of this is really hard.

    Let your FMIL be whoever she is.
  • edited December 2011
    What Trix said...don't take it personally!  My DD's new MIL RARELY comes to my home.  She is comfortable in her own home and her own surroundings...she wants people to come to her.  My style, and my daughters, is WAY more laid back...MIL is much more Martha Stewart.  We don't take it personally...it's just who she is!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • edited December 2011
    I think it sounds like she's torn about her only son getting married.  Although I think of weddings as gaining family some people think of weddings as losing family.  

    You could tell her how much you'd love to have her and it means a lot to you that she be there.  But, ultimately, as everyone else said she's going to do as she pleases.

    I'm sorry you're hurt.  I would be, too.
    BabyFruit Ticker If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. Even if we're apart i'll always be with you. - A.A. Milne
  • edited December 2011
    It can be hard on a MOG who has only one son, and it's her only child too...

    I wouldn't take things too personally, she's coping with a new kind of loss as a parent...I'm sure she'll come around. 
  • donnaoneilldonnaoneill member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Make sure your bridesmaids invite your FI's relatives, not just yours. And send her an invitation in the mail. She may feel unwanted because you just mentioned it to her quickly and so she decided to give you a quick answer back. 

    I know the MOG at one of my bridal showers was super uncomfortable about coming because it was only my relatives (she's hosting one closer to their relatives). Granted she was totally fine and said she had a great time afterwards, she probably doesn't know what to expect. 
    "And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything." William Shakespeare
  • edited December 2011
    his entire side is invited and there will be no "naughty" gift . ive tried to include her she just doesnt care.
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