How to deal with an overly dramatic MOB?

9934291

So my fiance and I are getting married in March, because he is in the military. My mother has been uneployed for over the past two years, and we haven't been on speaking terms. She kicked me out of the house when I was in highschool, and didn't try talking with me until she heard through the grapevine that I was engaged. SO tonight I call her, and she is throwing a huge fit about how I didn't invite her to the March wedding. Now ehres the key point, my ceremony and reception will be in AUGUST. My fiance and I are just signing papers. Now I understand that it is a legal wedding, but all she is missing is me signing my name. So after I explained to her a plane ticket from Chicago to EL Paso, TX would cost 800, and the drive is a 22 hour drive, she said "It's obvious you made your decision. You always choose your father and your friends over me!"

Not once, did I say, NOPE YOU CANT COME. So later I tried telling her how I felt, and all I said was that this is supposed to be happy, and joyous. It should be about me. Her response? "Of course it's about you, it's always about you!" 

I don't know what to do. She and I haven't spoken at all, and now she's threatening to not come to either wedding. 

I just kind of give up. 

McKenna2012

This situation sucks, and I'm sorry your mom is treating you so badly. I'm not sure what you should do. It sounds like you have done all you can. I guess maybe just express to her one more time that you would love to have her at either (or both) events and then let it alone. If she doesn't come, she is the one who will regret it later, not you.

artbyallie

I'm sure my mom would also be upset to miss the real part of the wedding, the most important part. You know, the part where you actually get married? So, even though you're having a party in August, your mother clearly (and rightfully) considers the meaningful day to be the day of the actual marriage. Is your fiancé not going to be at the August event? Why can't you get married in August? If it's just so the military will pay him more between March and August, that doesn't seem like a very good reason at all. So why did you plan things this way?

MairePoppy

"It's obvious you made your decision. You always choose your father and your friends over me!"

Have you invited your father or fils to the civil ceremony in March? If you had given your mom the option, then it would have been up to her to decide to fly in for it or not. And her feelings wouldn't have been hurt.

The only thing you can do is let her know exactly what your wedding plans are and let her choose which events she would like to attend. If her presence is important to you, then let her know.

9934291

In order to live on post, we need to be married at least onths in advanced. We planned it this way because I need to move down in July for college. Also, we are not recieving extra pay until I move down, so that wasn't the reason either. Yes, he will be at the wedding in AUgust. And I understand that the actual wedding is the most important part. But when my mom finally calmed down she said that there would be no way for her to pay for it. There is no way for him to come home either and have the wedding here.