Moms and Maids
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MOH= how to ask?!

Did anyone ask their MOH in a special way, like with a small gift?

I am going to ask my Sister-in-law to be my MOH. I have known her since I was 7 years old and she is practically my sister. I wasn't sure if it would be appropriate to bring her a little gift when I ask her? I was thinking something very very simple, like a cute notepad/planner type thing? 

She is always totally organized with everything in her life and I know she is thrilled to help me plan my wedding, so I thought it would just be helpful and something to let her know how much I appreciate her. I just don't want it coming across as like, "I expect so much of you, I need you to be on top of things, etc"




Re: MOH= how to ask?!

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    edited December 2011
    You don't have to ask her in a special way, you can simply meet with her in person and ask. 

    With that I did give my MOH a gift.  It was a notebook page we scribbled on in Psychology 101 in college about the "dumb girls" looking for Mrs. degrees. We listed the top 10 reasons we would never put each other through the pain of being a BM/MOH.  It was the ranting of know it all 20 yr olds and it made her cry.

    So if the gift is something that your SILwill love and appreciate I say go for it.  I would just make sure the gift is something that she will use in her everyday life and not just in helping you plan you wedding, if she chooses to do so.

        
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    edited December 2011
    Oh gosh, you're going to get a bunch of people lecturing you on how to not make every detail of your wedding a huge deal and that just to be asked is nice. Then they are going to say that your MOH is not your planner and her only responsibility is to buy a dress and stand by you at your wedding. (Just warning you....)

    Anyways, I think it would be really nice to get her something to help with the planning if she has offered to help. Nothing huge, just letting her know she's important to you and you're excited to have her in your wedding party. :)


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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks mbarnhart for saying what I was going to.  Because you're right.  The honor is in BEING asked, not in how you're asked.

    OP:  Will your SIL be any happier to be asked to be your MOH because you give her a gift?  Probably not.  She's going to be thrilled to just be asked.

    But what mbarnhart didn't tell you people, including me, would say is to wait.  Your wedding is 17 months away.  Wait until next January.  Then ask your WP.  There's no reason to ask this early~there's nothing at all for them to do anyway.

    And if you lurk around this board and the wedding party board, you'll see countless posts from brides who asked as far out as you are and now, because relationships change, want to know how to remove someone from the WP.  Even their SIL's sometimes.

    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    edited December 2011
    What Trix said!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Giving her something to help with planning is not a gift to her.  It's a gift to you.  And it sends a message: Guess what you'll be doing the next 17 months?  Working on MY WEDDING!

    I have been asked casually in person, over the phone, and over email.  Every time was memorable because I was happy to be asked to be in a friend's wedding.  I didn't need some trinket to help me remember.  I bet your friends are the same way.
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    orangecrayonorangecrayon member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe invite her out for drinks or dinner, just something casual. I didn't give my cousin a gift when i asked her recently (and my wedding is in July 2011) but when I asked her I told her it means a lot to me and the reason behind why I want to put her and that was more than enough for her - she was thrilled and didn't expect me to ask her. I would also make it clear from now what your going to expect from her when the time comes so she isn't surprised or anything. If you really want to get her a gift, than purchase something she will need; a planner might be taken in the wrong context when your asking her.

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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0a1303d2-de38-4bbb-82cb-31822413017ePost:5afa245c-8c36-435d-b21f-5144ac08f1c0">Re: MOH= how to ask?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe invite her out for drinks or dinner, just something casual. I didn't give my cousin a gift when i asked her recently (and my wedding is in July 2011) but when I asked her I told her it means a lot to me and the reason behind why I want to put her and that was more than enough for her - she was thrilled and didn't expect me to ask her.<em><strong> I would also make it clear from now what your going to expect from her when the time comes so she isn't surprised or anything.</strong></em> If you really want to get her a gift, than purchase something she will need; a planner might be taken in the wrong context when your asking her.
    Posted by zeinas[/QUOTE]

    I'm really curious, zeinas, about what you're going to be expecting from your WP.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    orangecrayonorangecrayon member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honestly i don't expect them to do anything for me. I only expect them to buy their dress and show up to the events. They are not required to pay for my bridal shower, bachelorette and anything else typical maid of honors and bridesmaid do. I am making this fun and stress free, i don't like drama, i hate drama and i definatley don't want these girls to be upset. If they want to help out and they offer to pay they are more than welcome to do so, but i don't expect much of them as other brides do.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    zeinas~I'm glad to hear it.  Your post made it sound like those brides who expect their WP to be their planners.  I'm so glad to hear that you don't feel that way.  I'm sure your friends will be delighted to share your wedding with such a gracious bride and friend.  =)
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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