Moms and Maids

I'd like to strangle mine, too... please?

My mom has been fighting EVERYTHING for our wedding. They offered us $3000 when we got engaged to do whatever we wanted with, but she'd like to know... We were to either spend it on the wedding or for a down payment on a house. Also, I never went to dances in school so she wanted to get me a nicer dress than what I had budgeted for. I wanted a casual, laid back wedding, so needed a casual wedding dress. Mom was not happy with any of my choices, and insisted I try on all these lacy beaded things. The one I picked has some beading and embroidery on it along wiht some blue around the waist and down the back. Mom didn't like the blue...they're supposed to be all white! (also, it's ivory, but she didn't know that until we already purchased it and she looked at the sales slip...) We wanted an outdoor ceremony and reception. Mom WAS NOT having an outdoor reception because its Oregon and RAINS ALL SUMMER apparently. I quickly found out that tents are super expencive, and went along with the indoor reception. Originally I wanted a cake and punch reception because I was on a tight budget. Mom was fully supportive of this. We fell in love with our ceremony site and had to have the ceremony prior to noon. I wasn't having a noon reception and not feeding people who had drove over an hour to be there. Both Mom & Dad were not OK with this.... FFIL stated in the very beginning that we better have good food so my parents think I'm only having food because FFIL wants food. (FFIL offered to pay for food when he said it, but never brought it up later when fiance discussed his budget with them) And my parents weren't willing to let him pay because the reception is their thing, etc, etc, etc.... ???????? We ordered invites at about the 9 month mark because apparently invites are to be hand addressed by a caligrapher, and mom decided that wasn't in the budget and was going to address them herself. I was fine with that, I was just going to print them on the computer, but if she wanted to sit and address 100 envelopes by hand that was her problem. I gave her the addresses and she was not writing everything out. She would abbreviate. I told her I would really like them written out according to the print out, and if she really didn't want to that was fine, I could print them on the computer very easily. She decided she could address them the right way. I got them about a month ago, and just glanced at the first few. Everything was written out as I had asked. TODAY, I sit down to stuff them, and everything is abbreviated! I am SO ANGRY. Why would she do this? They're already supposed to be in the mail. And I dont have enough extra envelopes to re print them all on the computer! My extended family is SO nitpicky, and complains about EVERYTHING...this is just one more thing for me to hear about. I think if anyone says a word to me about it I'm going to say, "Yes, I know, I was dissapointed about it too." We sat down with my parents about 3 weeks ago, and talked with them about what we wanted the wedding to be like, and how I was tired of everyone complaining about everything we wanted to do for OUR wedding. My dad tried to end the conversation because my mom just wasn't listening to me and I was getting frustrated. So, my mom switched to the bridal shower. My sister is the MOH. Here's what happend: Dad ended wedding convo, mom goes, "ok, then the bridal shower" dad goes "no, we're stopping the conversation." Mom goes, "no I can talk about the bridal shower, I'm in charge of that." I say, "Nooooo, {sister} and the bridesmaids are doing that." And get up to clear the dinner table. Mom gets mad, goes in her bedroom, calculates what left of the $3000, and writes a check for that ammount and says: "Here, do whatever you want, I dont want to hear annother word about the wedding in this house again. You can send us an invite and I'll let you know if we're comming." That made both FI and I mad and we did not accept the check. Dad has tried several times to get me to take the check. He says it's a wedding gift, and I tell him, no, mom did it because she is mad. I dont understand why all of this is happening.... We even decided we'd just have a small ceremony, but I decided that wasn't really what I wanted, so we're back to having the big wedding. Can any of you Mom's out there please explain to me my mother's line of thinking...I really dont understand it. She kept saying over and over that it was my wedding, but her actions didn't say that too. She was even telling my sister things about the wedding that I didn't know where happening! I would tell her things, then my sister would say "so you're not doing such and such?" and I'd say, "no...where'd you hear that?" Her response every time was "Mom." This is sooo bad that my sister is just going to go to the courthouse when she gets married!

Re: I'd like to strangle mine, too... please?

  • edited December 2011
    This sounds similar to my situation in a lot of ways.  My mother has something to say about everything (and I mean everything) I have planned on for my wedding.  She criticizes and nags and says spiteful things until I relent and give in to what she wants.  If she doesn't get what she wants she pouts and cries.  My wedding dress is the dress she thought was best because she talked me out of every dress I wanted (but if I suggested paying for it myself, she would become sullen and sulky).  Recently, I stood up to her about it but she still hasn't learned her lesson.  I've given up talking about anything to do with the wedding, which is sad because she's my mother and I don't want our relationship to be ruined but at the same time, I want my wedding to be mine, not hers.  I suppose she has a vision about how she wants her daughter's wedding to be.  I'm sure it's the same with your mother.  I keep reminding myself about this because I know my mother loves me, even if she is acting this way.  In the end, I hope that she realizes that it's just a silly wedding and that when she sees me walking down the aisle, everything will be put into perspective.  I hope the same for you.
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