Moms and Maids

Catering Advise

I really need ya'll's opinion as a bride about the mothers. Here is whats happening. The MOB wants to save some money and cook fajita's for the reception herself. Where as this is a kind offer there are just a few problems with it. One the food does not match the idea for the reception I.E. formal. Two she wants to cook the food a week before the big day and reheat it for the reception. Three we worry about the liability cooking for 160 people. We have told her that we do not want this for our wedding and don't want the responsibilities to be on her the week of the wedding she should be relaxing with me the bride. So then we just had a conversation with the MOG about the rehearsal and she said as a last resort that she would BBQ for the rehearsal dinner. Meaning that the food is cooked that day and come off the grill to everyones plates. MOB thinks its unfair to her that the MOG can cook for the rehearsal dinner of 35 people and that we don't want the MOB to cook for the reception. The MOB is insisting that I inform the MOG that she is not allowed to cook and has to hire a caterer. She has said that she is very hurt and mad and that if the MOG cooks she will not attend the rehearsal dinner. What do you think? I NEED HELP!

Re: Catering Advise

  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I think you remind your mother that MOG is hosting the RD and calls the shots for that.  Remind her that the food is being cooked on the spot and fresh - not warmed up week old food. You really need to stand your ground about the wedding food.  Have you checked with your venue to see if they will even allow the food to come from an unlicensed kitchen?  Many do not.  Either way, people remember the food at a reception - dont' bend on this at all.
  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Oh my.  This is partially why my daughter ended up running off to the JOP a few weeks ago.  I was willing to do whatever she wanted, given a set budget, and my daughter wanted her reception catered.  But the MOG wanted to cook everything herself for it; I guess it's sort of a tradition here in the South--the ladies get together and plan the menu.  Hellooooo--I have a life--I'm a newlywed myself and have a pretty big job that I need to keep to pay my mortgage.  Plus H1N1 is about to hit again, which means my job will get worse.  No time for her malarky.   I tried to frame it in a way that wouldn't sound horrific, in that I didn't want her to do that much work, I didn't want her to have to clean up afterwards.  The food she was planning was truly hideous.  If it had been elegant, that would have been one thing, but she was planning pigs in a blanket and the like.  It came down to control.  She wanted to control everything herself.  So the kids ran off, and I'm hosting a party at my house in a couple of weeks as a reception for them.
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • edited December 2011
    gee...what a tough spot. I have to agree with pp: thank her for her willingness to cook, but that is not what you had in mind for a formal occasion. Besides, as previously stated, most venues will not allow outside food to come in from an unlicensed kitchen. As for the RD: gently remind her that the RD menu is totally under the control of the MOG. Maybe you could persuade the MOG to allow the MOB to make some of her famous fajitas for the RD? Or maybe MOB can make a special lunch for the bridesmaids or food for the shower?
  • TruchanaTruchana member
    edited December 2011
    Wow!! Being from the north, I have NEVER heard of this before. You never cook for your own wedding unless it is a low key event, like a bbq in the backyard or you are simply hosting an event because you had a destination wedding or something.  My thoughts below: #1 it's your wedding day!  There is a big difference between the RD compared to the wedding.  The RD should in no way compete with the wedding.  Low key bbq's are quite popular up here for RD's, partially because it is generally cheaper than taking everyone to restaurant.  #2 Who is paying?  does your mom want to cook this food to save costs?  Can she afford to have a catered dinner? Can you afford to offer to help pay...truly, money is a driving force here. #3  If your mom did cook, who would serve the food and prepare it for the guests?  Would she hire somebody?  #4 this is your wedding.  It is a one day event...although a one day event you will remember for life.  Your mom needs to remember that this is not about her, it's about you and your fiance and what you want, regardless of who is paying.  She should not be forcing you to do what she wants and adding dumb stress to you because she doesn't get her way on a huge thing like what is served for dinner!  If you can, let her win on something else.  again, sorry, this is a little in left field for me.  I've never heard of serving fajitas at a wedding or the mom cooking.  haha inthe north we pretty much stick to a chicken and  beef, maybe a seafood...
  • edited December 2011
    One bit of good news.....the others were all correct, I've never heard of a venue allowing food from an unlicensed kitchen. I had to verify that all our vendors had a minimum of $1 million liability insurance for our site. Ask your site right away. I can almost guarantee they'll say no way.   Sorry, I'm the MOB and even I'm thinking you might just have to tell her no, flat out. That's not a bridezilla move. If she wouldn't be too hugely insulted, go out and get "The Everything Mother-of-the Bride Book". Give it to her as a gift and tell her that you think wedding guides are always a good idea, get the maid of honor version too even if she doesn't need it, just to make it look good, like it's not just her. I bought it for myself, and I think it would be a huge help here. Lots about being "THAT" MOB. I also found an old wedding etiquette book in a used bookstore, maybe something like that for yourself, again as cover. Tell her you're not sure how things work, the MOH isn't sure how things work, so you thought maybe she might want this too. No guarantees, but worth a shot. Best of luck. One last daughter's dad isn't showing up for petty reasons, and we've decided "beautiful wedding with him, beautiful wedding without him". Remember that. Your wedding will be beautiful no matter what. Just because you're marrying the man you love. Everything else is just details.  
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