Moms and Maids

All B-Maids Live Out of Town

All of my bridesmaids live in different cities than I live in, which is where we’re having our wedding. I have done almost all of the wedding planning without them, because they are all so spread out and far away. I don’t want them to feel excluded, though. What can I do to make sure they feel part of the planning fun?  

Re: All B-Maids Live Out of Town

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_b-maids-live-out-of-town?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:109aea1c-40d3-4966-b390-1684f31a34c7Post:54192e2a-2ce1-4bf9-8f09-c186f43756e7">All B-Maids Live Out of Town</a>:
    [QUOTE]All of my bridesmaids live in different cities than I live in, which is where we’re having our wedding. I have done almost all of the wedding planning without them, because they are all so spread out and far away. I don’t want them to feel excluded, though. What can I do to make sure they feel part of the planning fun?  
    Posted by mcahill1[/QUOTE]

    <div>Unless they have asked what you have done, just let them be. Wedding planning is only fun for some and most of the time those individuals will email/text/call you to see how things are going. So unless they ask, just continue on with planning without their knowledge. </div>
  • edited December 2011
    Don't worry about them feeling excluded.  I haven't involved my BMs much at all, except to complain about drama that arises.  And I don't think they mind one bit.  Most probably prefer it that way.
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
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    edited December 2011
    Wedding planning isn't fun for BMs.  Don't worry about excluding them.  If they want to help, they'll let you know.  Besides, there isn't really much they could do from a different state anyway.
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Let them take the lead on how much inclusion they want.  For most people, wedding planning is pretty boring.
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  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd ask them. Some girls want to be more involved, some don't.  My FMIL and a couple of our WP is out of town and complained that they feel out of touch, so I have a weekly blog that I write in that I gave them the link to so that they can just check it whenever they want and see what we've been up to. It makes them feel like they know what's going on around here, but I'm pretty sure that no one in-state (except maybe my mom) reads it, even though they also have the link.
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  • edited December 2011
    I wouldn't worry about it. All of my BM's were out of town as well. I kept in contact with them via phone and e-mail. It worked for us.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_b-maids-live-out-of-town?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:109aea1c-40d3-4966-b390-1684f31a34c7Post:4186cc7d-83ae-4d6c-94e5-01e64942f217">Re: All B-Maids Live Out of Town</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd ask them. Some girls want to be more involved, some don't.  My FMIL and a couple of our WP is out of town and complained that they feel out of touch, so<strong> I have a weekly blog that I write in that I gave them the link to so that they can just check it whenever they want and see what we've been up to. It makes them feel like they know what's going on around here</strong>, but I'm pretty sure that no one in-state (except maybe my mom) reads it, even though they also have the link.
    Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

    Cool idea!
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  • edited December 2011
    I have sent out a few update emails to bridesmaids (bridesmaid dress info, wedding schedule & dates to take off work, hotel recommendation info), since most of mine are OOT. 

    That's it--I wouldn't bother them with the details of planning, unless it directly involves them!
  • michellep1michellep1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm going to be in the same situation, most of the girls I'm thinking of asking are from OOT.  It seems like you already know that your BMs want to be involved?  My friends are also the type to want to be really involved, when we all lived together in college Sundays the TV basically never left WE for their Wedding Sunday programming.  I plan to just send them emails, or make a thread on FB (if you can add pictures to messages) when I need advice about a this or that decision.  I really like the PP's idea about a blog that they can check when they want to though!  I might do something like that.
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  • BunniKakesBunniKakes member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_b-maids-live-out-of-town?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:109aea1c-40d3-4966-b390-1684f31a34c7Post:54192e2a-2ce1-4bf9-8f09-c186f43756e7">All B-Maids Live Out of Town</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don’t want them to feel excluded, though. What can I do to make sure they feel part of the planning fun?  
    Posted by mcahill1[/QUOTE]

    From the OP, it looks like there is at least a 50/50 chance her bridesmaids are the type of bridesmaids who do find the details of planning interesting. Yes, these people do exist. Just like it's rude to assume your MOH will throw you a surprise bachelorette party in Vegas on her dime featuring a performance by Lady Gaga, it can be inconsiderate to assume your bridesmaids don't want to hear about the details of an event they just bought a (likely overpriced) new dress to attend.

    Bridesmaids, like brides, come in all flavors. The important thing is to be considerate of their level of interest/availability and financial situation.

    I think it's great they're interested and you're a good friend for trying to keep them in the loop.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_b-maids-live-out-of-town?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:109aea1c-40d3-4966-b390-1684f31a34c7Post:6b0ed428-9621-4cfc-8ba1-edecb2c7252b">Re: All B-Maids Live Out of Town</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to All B-Maids Live Out of Town : From the OP, it looks like there is at least a 50/50 chance her bridesmaids are the type of bridesmaids who do find the details of planning interesting. Yes, these people do exist. Just like it's rude to assume your MOH will throw you a surprise bachelorette party in Vegas on her dime featuring a performance by Lady Gaga, <strong>it can be inconsiderate to assume your bridesmaids don't want to hear about the details of an event they just bought a (likely overpriced) new dress to attend. </strong>Bridesmaids, like brides, come in all flavors. The important thing is to be considerate of their level of interest/availability and financial situation. I think it's great they're interested and you're a good friend for trying to keep them in the loop.
    Posted by BunniKakes[/QUOTE]
    But see, if a bridesmaid, or anyone else for that matter, is interested in the wedding details, they'll ask.  If they want to provide some sort of assistance, they'll offer.  It's much better for the bride to let people come to her and not bother anyone else than to presume that everyone is secretly dying to hear about it but can't figure out how to say it.

    Everyone here isn't saying that BMs don't need to do more because none of their BMs were involved.  They're saying they don't need to do more because it's not a requirement.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • edited December 2011
    All but one of my BMs are in different states. I've sent them periodic emails with dates, info they needed to know in advance, and very general updates, but other than that, I've only involved them if they've asked.

    Bridesmaids come in a variety of flavors. Some will have zero interest in wedding planning other than being there for you that day, others will want to know every last detail. I've found (both from the bride and the bridesmaid perspective) that it's best to let your bridesmaids set the tone as to how much they want to know/participate in the planning aspects.

    I think it's a good thing to keep your wedding party in the loop, and there's nothing wrong with talking wedding with them. I think the most important thing, however, is making sure that that's not all you talk about from now until that day. Make sure that you stay up-to-date on what's going on in their lives too.

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