Moms and Maids
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Is this tacky or am I overanalyzing?

I am the sister (and MOH) of the bride and her birthday is about three months before the wedding.  I asked her to give me a list of brithday items and she replied, "Be prepared. It will probably be wedding related to help out with expenses."  I answered her back saying that I will be giving two actual gifts (one for her birthday and not wedding related and then one for her wedding) and not monetary donations.

I guess what I am asking is this: Am I overanalyzing this?  I feel like she is asking me to help with the wedding expenses and it is not really my place.  Not that I am averse to helping her out, I just don't like being told what my gift will be.

Any thoughts?

Re: Is this tacky or am I overanalyzing?

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    edited December 2011
    Just get her a birthday gift and don't think twice about it.

    Last I checked, birthdays and weddings are separate events.
    panther
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto to AATB, weddings, birthdays, baby showers, etc are all separate events. But I do think that you can buy something off a wedding registry because basically you already know that person wants that particular item. But yeah, you definitely do not have to do that. 
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    lharri12lharri12 member
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    edited December 2011

    I assume she's asking for something off her registry and not for money, and since you ASKED her what she wants, I don't see why you have a problem "being told what my gift will be."  That being said, it is nice of you to get something personal for her as well.

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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We registered on Amazon and added a bunch of smaller stuff like DVDs and little kitchen gadgets, because we figured people would be using the registry for Christmas and birthdays as well.

    It would be one thing if she were asking you to chip in for her DJ or something like that as a birthday gift.  But I think it would be perfectly fine if you were to buy her something she could use for the wedding as a birthday gift.  Maybe it could be something that also has use after the wedding, like toasting flutes or a cake cutting set.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with aerin. Something she can use and maybe even personalized will mean a lot to her, I'm sure. That is like when my parents and FI's parents asked us what we wanted for Christmas this past year. I said stuff to help us with the wedding. What did FI's parents get us: our toasting flute and server set and had it engraved. Perfect.
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If she was asking for money she would probably have just said that.  I would assume she means something specific like the toasting flutes, shoes she plans to wear, or something like that.  I put my shoes on my amazon wishlist and my dad gave them to me for my birthday, and I also put pieces of the centerpieces on there.  Since you're her sister I don't think it's really terrible of her.  But you should give what you want.
    Married 10/2/10
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    edited December 2011
    If you didn't want her to tell you what to buy, you shouldn't have asked her. It's not like she solicited you out of the blue.
                       
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    mleeanne04mleeanne04 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you for your candid responses!  I will end up getting her a gift for her birthday (non-wedding related) and then for her wedding, I will offer to chip in for something like programs or invitations or the like.

    Thanks for your thoughts!
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    melissamc2melissamc2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    When I read it, I figured she might ask for special undergarments or make up or something to that effect.  Wedding related for HER, but not a "wedding gift."

    If you want to get her a gift she truly wants, which I assume you do since you asked her what she wants, I don't see why it would matter if it'll help her out on her wedding day or not.  If she's willing to give up an "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND IT'S ALL ABOUT ME" to have something that will help out she and her fiance for their wedding - I think that's a perfectly acceptable thing to do.

    Asking for something as a gift that would result in her not having to pay for it (offsetting expenses) isn't anything at all like asking for cash, in my opinion.
    10-10-10
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