Moms and Maids
Options

Mother of Bride

I recently upset my mother by choosing two girls other than my sister to be my maid of honor and bridesmaid because my sister wanted to do it on her own and i cannot accomodate what she wants.

My wedding isn't until next July but i want to plan something to apologize and thank her and my dad for helping me pay for the wedding. I'm not sure how to go about this, i am considering with what we make from the wedding we can give them back money? I am not sure any ideas are appreciated

Re: Mother of Bride

  • Options
    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-bride-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ac80c26-fe05-4b2e-82df-0967faa6a5b8Post:d0e93a92-639c-4b5e-a3ae-de290626f51a">Mother of Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]I recently upset my mother by choosing two girls other than my sister to be my maid of honor and bridesmaid because my sister wanted to do it on her own and i cannot accomodate what she wants. My wedding isn't until next July but i want to plan something to apologize and thank her and my dad for helping me pay for the wedding. I'm not sure how to go about this, i am considering with what we make from the wedding we can give them back money?<em><strong> I am not sure any ideas are appreciated</strong></em>
    Posted by zeinas[/QUOTE]

    So does this mean that you're not going to be happy about any answers?  This is why punctuation is so important.

    Okay, that aside:  I'm really not sure what you're asking.  Your mom is unhappy that you didn't choose your sister?  What exactly did your sister want to do "on her own" that you can't accommodate?  I really don't understand what that means, and so can't really make a judgement about your decision and whether it is a good one or could be resolved by an outside opinion.

    As for the money~I don't understand that at all.  You're going to buy off your mom by paying back what she's spending with gifts you get?  What if the amount you receive doesn't add up?  And why would this be a solution at all?  I don't think the answer here would be money.

    As a former MOG and MOB, throwing money at me wouldn't have made anything better.  What would?  Read on:

    If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to sit down with your mom and have an adult to adult talk with her.  "Mom, I know you're upset that I didn't choose Esmerelda for the wedding party.  I'm sorry you're feeling disappointed, but I hope that you can come to support us as we move forward."
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Options
    orangecrayonorangecrayon member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry what i meant was "ideas are greatly appreciated as i don't know what i want to do"

    Second - my sister wanted to be a maid of honor with no bridesmaids and i cannot accomodate that because my future husband and I want two on each side. and it's either what she wants or shes out.

    Third- i was thinking what if i give her a gift in money, in a way of saying thank you like 500 $ or 1000 $. Instead of a shirt or an item.




  • Options
    Sweetie1and2Sweetie1and2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    why would your sister want to be the only one standing up with you?  If that is what she wants, it doesn't matter, it is not her wedding.  If she doesn't want to be in it then, let her walk away from the experience.  You asked her and that's all you can do.  It is pretty selfish of her to say she is not going to be in it because she isn't the only girl standing up for you.  Seems like there might be some other issues there...

     I think as a parent (which I am not) I would be offended if my kid gave me money back after their wedding.  They are paying for the wedding because they want to.  They want you to have a nice start with your new husband, giving money back to them sets you back.  I'm sure your mother would rather have something more meaningful and from the heart as a gift. 
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    From your other post, I understand that you asked your sister to be your MOH. She declined because she wanted to be the only one in your wedding party. As long as you weren't rude to her when she said no, you haven't done anything wrong.

    Don't try to buy your mom off with money. That will not work. Write her a letter or explain to her calmly what happened. Let her know you love her, your dad and your sister and are thankful for their help. Don't make any negative remarks about your sister in your letter.

    You can still add your sister in as MOH, if she would like to do it. You don't have to fire either of the other two. You can have uneven sides.
                       
  • Options
    Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your sister made her position clear to you.
    Then you decided that you did not want to accept her demand, and told her so.
    Now she is out.  Period.  Doesn't matter if your mom or your mailman thinks your sister SHOULD be in.  Your sister has chosen to create a CHOICE situation for you, you MADE a choice, and you DIDN'T pick her.   Period.

    />> i am considering with what we make from the wedding we can give them back money?

    What?  You WILL get money given to you, but you are tasked with the responsibility of buying things for your new place and your new marriage with that money, and then reporting what you bought with that money back to the giver.

    How would you phrase it in a TY if you "paid back" your mom and dad?

    Dear Aunt May and Uncle Horace:
    Thanks for your generous give of $350 for us to use in setting up our new married life.  We were going to buy a washing machine with your money, which would have helped us a lot.  But instead, we are taking some of the money we're MAKING on this wedding, and we're giving that portion back to my mom and dad to pay them back for hosting the wedding.  So instead of us buying a washing machine to kick off our new married home, you just paid my parents back for your two dinners and your share of the band and reception.
  • Options
    Catwoman708Catwoman708 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You should not have to apologize for not allowing your sister to dictate who will be in your WP.  To have a successful marriage, you have to put it and each other first, not other people's wishes.  So good for you.

    If you want to thank your mom/parents for paying for your wedding, giving them money in returen is not really appropriate, unless they are financially strapped. 

    What about surprising your parents with a weekend get away?  The wedding will likely be stressful and exhausting for them too, and they might could use a break.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards