bridesmaid leaves wedding!

cristinanne

ok so basically i wld describe myself as easy going and a very good friend.  since i started planning my wedding i had my four bridesmaids and it was all good.  except i grew sorta apart with this one bridesmaid and we still hung out but not as much, i learned her true colors as the wedding stuff and planning started happening she would talk trash on everyone not make our invitation party it wasn't good.  anyway to make a long story short my MOH threw an amazing bridal shower this past weekend for me and she was there and knew i guess we were all going out afterwards..and told me she was tired and wanted to go home..and i said ok...well later i see whe went to a party and posted multiple photos on facebook.  i texted her the next day and said ya know that i had wished she would of come out with the maids and friends and it hurt she went to a party?? well anyway she responded IM DONE WITH YR WEDDING YOU AND EVERYTHING don't ever contact me ever again IM RETURNING THE DRESS ETC...i really was confused by that shocked mostly.  so i mean i guess its good if she's like that that she's not in it but it really threw me for a loop.

now i have 3 bridesmaids and i wld like another girl but i don't know - i don't want drama and this girl is not drama but is financially strapped on cash...so i don't know what to do...i guess im looking for your thoughts on GIRLS who leave wedding parties for no good reason and if i shld ask the girl i really want too even if i know money is tight!

thanks in advance!  

dwebster02

she's probably just embarassed that she got caught in a lie.  frankly - just another example of why facebook is toxic, but that's not really the topic at hand.

you dont HAVE to ask another bridesmaid, but since this girl was being such a mess to you, i don't see a problem with replacing her at all.  you don't have to go around to your friends and stuff and say "yeah, she was such a bitch, left the wedding and forced me to replace her."  if people ask just say that it didn't work out for her to be in your wedding and leave it at that.

duckie1905

Sounds like she's had enough of you and your wedding.

Don't replace her.  That's rude to the replacement.  Uneven sides are fine.

aerinpegadrak

Just keep the sides uneven.  It's more common than not these days.

AutumnFair

It sounds like there is little bit more to this story but its not going to change my advice. 

Stick with the 3 girls, uneven sides are fine. Have 2 guys walk one girl, do boy/girl, etc to solve the walking issue. If you replace her and she finds out, I'm sure she'll probably talk negative about you to others making you look bad. Plus you already know that the possible replacement girl is strapped for cash, I'm sure the girl would rather save her money and stay as a guest, then be a 2nd choice who now has to shell out more money that she doesn't have (unless you want to pay for her stuff). Save yourself the headache of dealing with anymore people and just stick with what you got.

trix1223

Don't bring in the understudy bridesmaid.  WPs are not about symmetry.  I'd be embarrassed to be the second string friend who was called in to fill in so that some random number could be achieved.

[Deleted User]

Ditto pp. Let it be and roll with the uneven sides.

cristinanne

thank you for the replies...i am going to keep it uneven- i think it's best for everyone involved...

thx again.

lauren163

I have to admit that I personally disagree!  

If you ask a friend, and sit down at lunch or something and sweetly explain to her the situation and explain that it didn't work out and that there was problems I am sure that you would have no time having your new bridesmaid feel totally comfortable with the situation.  You can only have so many bridesmaids and she won't feel weird about it.  I know that today it is more common to have uneven sides but depending on your wedding style, wether it is modern, traditional ect. even sides provide unity and things will just look better.  If people who know, keep the situation on the DL then no one will know about this, but if its uneven people are going to wonder if you couldn't find someone because you have no one to ask, or there was a messy situation (which is the case - but not your fault!)  You have to remeber this is going to be uneven for the ceremony, walking down the aisle, the pictures, eating at the head table and dancing at the reception.  It will look weird.  If you can, I would get someone to fill in.  When they understand the story, I am sure that quite a few people would not mind standing in at all due to the situation.  

Do you have a younger cousin or something?  If so, she is family and for her this will be so special!  She will feel really important being included in your wedding and won't care that she wasn't a part of the WP in the first place because she is now and she is family and so that is a stronger bond anyways.  

I apologize to those people who disagree with me, though that is my opionion on the issue.  If its uneven, people are going to be wondering and be focusing on that.  

summerlilly2008

I think uneven is fine. People may wonder why but really it's not any of their business. The only thing that matters is that you have people who YOU want beside you. I had 2 attendants and 1 bowed out, my FI has 2 BM and 2 RB on his side. Do what you want. If you want this girl as a BM then ask if not don't worry about it.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-leaves-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1adbe457-5c41-403b-9962-50d4ec823c41Post:f6741410-e51d-4629-8944-b7231a545ecf">Re: bridesmaid leaves wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have to admit that I personally disagree!   If you ask a friend, and sit down at lunch or something and sweetly explain to her the situation and explain that it didn't work out and that there was problems I am sure that you would have no time having your new bridesmaid feel totally comfortable with the situation.  You can only have so many bridesmaids and she won't feel weird about it.  I know that today it is more common to have uneven sides but depending on your wedding style, wether it is modern, traditional ect. even sides provide unity and things will just look better.  If people who know, keep the situation on the DL then no one will know about this, but if its uneven people are going to wonder if you couldn't find someone because you have no one to ask, or there was a messy situation (which is the case - but not your fault!)  You have to remeber this is going to be uneven for the ceremony, walking down the aisle, the pictures, eating at the head table and dancing at the reception.  It will look weird.  If you can, I would get someone to fill in.  When they understand the story, I am sure that quite a few people would not mind standing in at all due to the situation.   Do you have a younger cousin or something?  If so, she is family and for her this will be so special!  She will feel really important being included in your wedding and won't care that she wasn't a part of the WP in the first place because she is now and she is family and so that is a stronger bond anyways.   I apologize to those people who disagree with me, though that is my opionion on the issue.  If its uneven, people are going to be wondering and be focusing on that.  
Posted by lauren163[/QUOTE]
I think you really, really overestimate how much people care about other people's weddings.  The guests are there to see the bride and groom exchange vows and then enjoy the party, not count heads and decide who must be more popular.  We had uneven sides (6 and 4) and I sincerely doubt that a single one of our guests gave it a moment's thought.