Bridal Party To-Do List?

LAK011

So, I've been going over and over this in my head..... I've seen many places (websites, books, etc.) that say that you should delegate tasks (to-do lists) for your BP. I'm not saying turn them into workhorses or anything, just simple tasks. Have any of you done this? And who did you have do what?

My MOH lives 8 hours away and is very difficult to get ahold of (she's my cousin who has always been my best friend.... but she's pretty flighty.), FI's Best Man is about 4 hours away, but he's made quite a few trips here and back (but mainly he's dating one of my BMs that lives here...). I have a couple BMs that seem to want nothing to do with planning, which is fine, but then when it comes down to crunch time and needing some help, should I ask? FI and I are pretty much planning/booking things on our own (my FMIL is helping as much as she can, and my mom is pretty hands-off, which is another post all its own... haha)

Any advice on how to handle to-do lists would be much appreciated!!

M&R7111

I would not give out to-do lists (I find that so rude and demanding - those books are nuts!), but you are well within your rights as a friend to ask your friends to lend a hand - if they can.

If they can't help - oh well.  If they can help, great!

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridal-party-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1f136620-cf60-48f4-a12c-be278e41fdc8Post:6a445ed1-294e-40d8-b465-8160cc9f723e">Bridal Party To-Do List?</a>:
[QUOTE]So, I've been going over and over this in my head....<strong>. I've seen many places (websites, books, etc.) that say that you should delegate tasks (to-do lists) for your BP</strong>. I'm not saying turn them into workhorses or anything, just simple tasks. Have any of you done this? And who did you have do what? My MOH lives 8 hours away and is very difficult to get ahold of (she's my cousin who has always been my best friend.... but she's pretty flighty.), FI's Best Man is about 4 hours away, but he's made quite a few trips here and back (but mainly he's dating one of my BMs that lives here...). I have a couple BMs that seem to want nothing to do with planning, which is fine, but then when it comes down to crunch time and needing some help, should I ask? FI and I are pretty much planning/booking things on our own (my FMIL is helping as much as she can, and my mom is pretty hands-off, which is another post all its own... haha) Any advice on how to handle to-do lists would be much appreciated!!
Posted by LAK011[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Please throw all those wedding vendors "lists" out the door. I have went through theKnot's BP task and have already picked apart that most of the stuff they tell Bride's to give to the WP is crap. </div><div>
</div><div>The only task any member of the WP has to do is get the attire and show up the day of the wedding. Anything that is wedding planning is totally on you and your FI to be responsible for, you can ask someone if they would like to help with a certain DIY thing or something but they have every right to decline and you should not hold a grudge if they don't want to do it. So yeah, do not send any "lists" or "tasks" out to your WP. I suggest you lurk around these boards and you will find a lot of enlightening advice into how to plan a wedding and how to treat people that are in your wedding. 

</div>

kellya01

I'm going to ask my MOH to help me address wedding invitations... actually going to ask all of the BM's to help, if they can.  IF THEY CAN... like PP said, that's the operative phrase.  

They're' so gracious to stand up there, in the dress that we've asked them to wear, to spend the weekend with us.  I don't want to impose by requiring hours of time of them.  It's the wedding for myself and my fiancee anyway... they're supporting characters.  I think if you make sure to ask politely, and understand if they say no, you'll be fine.  No task list necessary... just call or email them and ask them if they would like to help you with _____. (fill in the task).  

LAK011

Thanks for the advice. I wasn't planning on sending out actual to-do lists, I just didn't know any other way to word it. I don't expect anything of my WP other than to be the supportive friends they are the weekend of the wedding! If they want to lend a hand, the more the merrier!

tenofcups4me

I didn't delegate anything to anyone. It would never have occurred to me. It was our wedding and up to us to take care of everything. My parents actually did do a lot of the legwork for us since we lived out of town, but they volunteered and really enjoyed doing it.

[Deleted User]

Don't ask them to do anything except for what katelynbrian said in her post above. If they offer to set something up with you to help you, fine. But don't go asking for their help. The only ones responsible for planning your wedding are you and your FI.

aerinpegadrak

There's a lot of rather questionable stuff on some of these official checklists.  If you look at any item and say, "Why on earth would I need to do that?", cross it off and move on.

marissa_claire

I actually went and looked at the Knot list the other day and totally scoffed:

-Would you like me to help you shop for bridesmaid dresses/stuff invitations/pack for the honeymoon?  Who needs help packing for their honeymoon?  

-Serve as auxiliary hostess at the reception by introducing guests, making sure they know where the bar is located, and inviting them to sign the guest book.  Uh, totally thought BMs are supposed to be enjoying the party too....

-Give the matron/maid of honor a break by helping to carry the bride's wedding gown train whenever necessary. Bustle the train before dancing begins, and be ready to help fix it if it comes unhooked. Accompany the bride on visits to the restroom, if asked.  Life is so hard.

-Be a trooper, no matter how stressful the ordeal becomes. Try not to complain about the bridesmaid dress -- even if the color is horrendous. Be gracious and tactful.  Yes.  It's HER day.  You can get back at her when you get married.

-Hit the dance floor when the music kicks in. Dance with groomsmen during the formal first-dance sequence. Also, be on the lookout for toe-tapping guests who might need encouragement and/or a dance partner. Remember, BMs are like that change homeless people keep in the bottom of their cup to make it look like other people are giving too.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridal-party-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1f136620-cf60-48f4-a12c-be278e41fdc8Post:199f3381-08a7-4cc3-994f-af64c610e612">Re: Bridal Party To-Do List?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the advice. I wasn't planning on sending out actual to-do lists, I just didn't know any other way to word it. I don't expect anything of my WP other than to be the supportive friends they are the weekend of the wedding! If they want to lend a hand, the more the merrier! :)
Posted by LAK011[/QUOTE]

<div>Good to hear. Happy planning!</div>

ehathewa

I sent my girls a schedule of what was going on (rehearsal dinner, hair appointments, pics, wedding) but they didn't have "tasks"  I asked two of them each for a favor, like come with me to pick up the wedding dress so we can learn how to bustle it...  and to come over and fold programs with me. 

mysticl

My MOH is arriving in about 12 hours to help me with centerpieces, seating charts, and making the RB pillow.  All HER idea.  She knew what I wanted for centerpieces and started picking stuff up as she found it (I did the same where I live).  She decided what days to take off of work and when to get here.  She offered to help set up the venue.  I am very greatful that she offered to do this stuff but didn't ask her of it.  I only hope I am available to help her as much in 6 months when it's her turn.  Oh, and she will help me get dressed and bustle the dress, it's impossible for me to do it myself. 

My other 2 BM are 13.  My expectations do not extend beyond them getting down the aisle.