Family

crazypianolover

I am getting married July 23, 2011 and I've already had to deal with major MOH drama and I'm trying to avoid some more
Here is where my real dilema starts.
My fiances mother thinks that is only appropriate that everyone is included in our party. As I write this now, I already have 4 bridesmaids (2 best friends, my cousin, and a future sister), my fiance has 4 as well (cousin, and 3 friends). 
My fiance's sister is going to read in the ceremony, so that takes care of her, but he wants his bro in law in the wedding party, when I want my 2 brothers as well, and I dont think it is right his brother in law of 1 year takes precedent over my brothers of my whole life.

Also is it inappropriate to not ask my sister? On more than one occassion she has refused to let my niece be flower girl, so I am a little hesitant about even asking my niece again...
Please help!  

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:212ddb45-41d4-4590-a90e-f925026e8078Post:c0ca3f7b-a748-42b9-9d82-c8ecdfa75555">Family</a>:
[QUOTE]I am getting married July 23, 2011 and I've already had to deal with major MOH drama and I'm trying to avoid some more Here is where my real dilema starts. My fiances mother thinks that is only appropriate that everyone is included in our party. As I write this now, I already have 4 bridesmaids (2 best friends, my cousin, and a future sister), my fiance has 4 as well (cousin, and 3 friends).  My fiance's sister is going to read in the ceremony, so that takes care of her, but he wants his bro in law in the wedding party, when I want my 2 brothers as well, and I dont think it is right his brother in law of 1 year takes precedent over my brothers of my whole life. Also is it inappropriate to not ask my sister? On more than one occassion she has refused to let my niece be flower girl, so I am a little hesitant about even asking my niece again... Please help!  
Posted by crazypianolover[/QUOTE]

-Your MIL gets no say in the WP, and shouldn't be pushing for who to have in it.  Its not her wedding, and not her decision.
-You don't get to dictate who your FI has on his side.  It doesn't matter if he wants to ask someone he's only known a month over your brothers.  its his side, and who is important to him.
-If you want your brothers in it so bad, have them on your side.  They can wear a tux just like the GM and stand on your side, since they are your nearest and dearest, not your FI's.
-Are you only not having your sister because she doesn't want her daughter to be FG?  I would be very hurt as your sister if you had your future sister, and 2 brothers in the wedding, but not me. 
-Your sister has told you on more than one occasion she doesn't want her daughter as FG.  You should have stopped asking after the first time.  She obviously has her reasons, and you definitely shouldn't ask her again.
-And lastly, side don't have to be even.  So if he adds someone, you don't have to add someone too just to make it even.

Muffin'sMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:212ddb45-41d4-4590-a90e-f925026e8078Post:fba7fbfc-c3b0-48f5-a86b-49dcb77cfba6">Re: Family</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Family : -Your MIL gets no say in the WP, and shouldn't be pushing for who to have in it.  Its not her wedding, and not her decision. -You don't get to dictate who your FI has on his side.  It doesn't matter if he wants to ask someone he's only known a month over your brothers.  its his side, and who is important to him. -If you want your brothers in it so bad, have them on your side.  They can wear a tux just like the GM and stand on your side, since they are your nearest and dearest, not your FI's. -Are you only not having your sister because she doesn't want her daughter to be FG?  I would be very hurt as your sister if you had your future sister, and 2 brothers in the wedding, but not me.  -Your sister has told you on more than one occasion she doesn't want her daughter as FG.  You should have stopped asking after the first time.  She obviously has her reasons, and you definitely shouldn't ask her again. -And lastly, side don't have to be even.  So if he adds someone, you don't have to add someone too just to make it even.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

This!

SSaltzman87

No party gets to dictate who's on whatever side of the Bridal Party. Only you and FI decide who's on your respective sides. Your FMIL is overstepping her boundaries.

crazypianolover

I haven't asked my sister multiple times, its when she gets really angry at everyone she screams at me saying "BLANK isnt allowed in your wedding anymore" and then a few days later she will ask about planning stuff and how cute my niece will look, so I don't know whether or not to actually count my niece in or out because who knows, the day before the wedding she would snap and say she was out again after I spent all the money and was preparing and anticipating her in it.

Its just really hard because my fiance's niece is also a flower girl and they were going to go together and now his niece doesnt want to do things without mine

with the dictating sides business, he said his sister was in it and didnt really give me a choice, yes we are close, but i have friends that i have been closer to for many years that dont get an opportunity to stand up. that is why i wanted him to ask my brothers since i have his sister.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:212ddb45-41d4-4590-a90e-f925026e8078Post:62db8223-2791-46bb-a9e2-f5050adc3570">Re: Family</a>:
[QUOTE]I haven't asked my sister multiple times, its when she gets really angry at everyone she screams at me saying "BLANK isnt allowed in your wedding anymore" and then a few days later she will ask about planning stuff and how cute my niece will look, so I don't know whether or not to actually count my niece in or out because who knows, the day before the wedding she would snap and say she was out again after I spent all the money and was preparing and anticipating her in it. Its just really hard because my fiance's niece is also a flower girl and they were going to go together and now his niece doesnt want to do things without mine with the dictating sides business, <strong>he said his sister was in it and didnt really give me a choice, yes we are close, but i have friends that i have been closer to for many years that dont get an opportunity to stand up. that is why i wanted him to ask my brothers since i have his sister.
</strong>Posted by crazypianolover[/QUOTE]

That is extremely rude of him to dictate that his sister is in it without giving you a choice, and to not have your brothers.  He's really sounding like a douche on this topic, sorry.  Either tell him that he has his sister on his side and you have your brothers on your side, or refuse to have his sister in it without your brothers in it. 

AutumnFair

Ditto to dnbeach.

Your FI is being a Groomzilla. He does NOT get to dictate your side. If you didn't want his sister, you need to TELL him that if he wants her in the WP, she can be on his side.

As for your brothers, if he doesn't want them on his side then put them on yours. Once again, he doesn't get to dictate your side. (just like you can't dictate his)

Wedding Party Myths:

1.) Sides need to be even: Nope, sides are not about symmetry they are about the people you want standing up there. FI can have 5 people, you can have 8 people. Doesn't matter

2.) You can only have separate gender sides: Nope, any gender can be on any side.

3.) Siblings get an automatic spot in the Wedding Party: Nope, blood relation does not make you an automatic BM or GM. Most people do just to keep the peace but if you are admitted about it then stick your guns. 

crazypianolover

Thank you guys for all the help!!
My fiance and i talked about the party issue today and we realized that we will have a bigger budget to afford a bigger limo (which was one reason we had to limit the size of parties) so my brothers and his sister & brother in law are all going to be in it.

the question that still remains is my sister. like i said on more than one occassion she screams my neice cannot be in the wedding and then a few days later, oh "blank" will look so cute. i dont really need the flip-flopping if you know what i mean.
we were close when i was younger but obviously things changed. i know it would be rude to have my brothers and not her but what to do in this type of situation?

Beachy730

Well for the sake of family on this one, I would probably just ask your sister to be a BM.  I'm not one for picking a BM just because they're family, but if you're having your FSIL, your cousin, and your 2 brothers, I think you will avoid a lot of family drama by asking your sister also.  As for your niece being a FG, just ask your sister if you haven't already if she could be the FG.  Then stick with what she says.  If she continues to go back and forth on pulling out herself or her niece just say something like "its really upsetting me that you keep threatening to pull yourself (or your daughter) out of the wedding, and I don't appreciate the unneeded stress."