Missing my mom support

BeenaBooger

I am finding that while I am soo super excited about my upcoming wedding and getting ready for it. I get SO emotional because my mom isn't here to see all of it. I don't really have anyone who even is close to the type of support a mom would give. 

Is there anyone else dealing with this? How are you coping so that you don't become an emotional puddle?

I know people say that she's here in spirit but that doesn't help me when I'm standing in the bridal show looking at dresses without her, you know?

kimandkris

i know exactly how you feel my mom passed away 3 years ago. and it sucks but i just look at it as without her i wouldnt be who i am today and reguardless or what decision you make for what in the wedding she is always there and will always be

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_missing-mom-support?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:21a5cae5-fb94-458b-8e27-015733a26704Post:147169b2-b8da-4d36-a1fd-1552f3b3892b">Missing my mom support</a>:
[QUOTE]I am finding that while I am soo super excited about my upcoming wedding and getting ready for it. I get SO emotional because my mom isn't here to see all of it. I don't really have anyone who even is close to the type of support a mom would give.  Is there anyone else dealing with this? How are you coping so that you don't become an emotional puddle?<strong> I know people say that she's here in spirit but that doesn't help me when I'm standing in the bridal show looking at dresses without her, you know?</strong>
Posted by BeenaBooger[/QUOTE]
I know... well, I don't know... not from personal experience. I just mean that things like, "she's there in spirit" and "she's watching over you" isn't the same as her actually BEING there to constantly fluff your hair and nag you about stepping on your train or what ever.
I have no advice for you because I have no idea how I would cope if my mother wasn't there for me on my wedding day, but my heart goes out to you. <3

marinabreeze

That's sucks, I'm really sorry.  I can't say I completely understand because I didn't lose my mom.  But I do get the pain of parental loss and feeling it even more when planning a wedding.  My dad passed away four years ago, and it makes me really sad to think about him not being there to walk me down the aisle or to have the father-daughter dance with.  I've heard much the same stuff you've heard, like "oh he'll be there in spirit," but it's really not the same.  *hugs*

[Deleted User]

While my Mom is still alive, I didn't have any support from her whatsoever when I was planning my wedding. Not only was she 650 miles away, but we don't have the greatest of relationships. I am a lot closer to my MIL and she helped a lot with the wedding planning esp since we were out of state.

Are you close with your FMIL? Any close girlfriends or Aunts, cousins that you could lean on for support? If not, that is why you have your FI. It will all be okay.

BeenaBooger

I'm not too close to FMIL so much to ask for such emotional support but i am very lucky to have some amazing friends. I just get sad from time to time. FI were talking about family last night and he was saying how big life events can help mend strained relationships so here's hoping that with your mom

Jeni1090

I know how you feel.  I lost my mom 2 years ago, and it's been painful.  Lean on your friends.  Let yourself cry (I turned into a blobbering mess when I was dress shopping).  I would be completely lost without my friends (who also happen to be my BMs).  Just breathe.  And talk all this out with your FI.  Mine seems to know when something's been really hard, and as soon as we hit the door, he'll say "Go ahead" and I'll just start bawling.

I know it sounds depressing, but it's all part of the healing process, y'know?  And a lot of the things I still have fun at-like the catering tasting, the bridal shows (went with BMs), even dress shopping was fun.  There is just that moment once in while where I think, "My mom is supposed to be here for this" and I start to tear up.

Another phrase that I tell myself a lot: "Mom would be so proud of me."  I don't know if any of this helps, but you're definitely not alone.

RebeccaB88

I hear you.  I am trying really, really hard to be a grownup about the fact that my dad was here to walk my sister down the aisle, but he won't be here to do the same thing for me.  It's just so stinking hard to do.  She will always have those pictures of him with her, and I won't.  Our mom had his help with so many wedding things for her, but she and I are on our own with mine.  I know my sister struggles with him not being here to know his grandchildren, so we have some of the same disappointment.  I know my mom wishes he was here.  He will be gone just short of 10 years by the time I get married, and it just hurts.  I will be thinking about you.

FutureJilliannD

My heart goes out to you. I can't say I have any wrods of personal experience, but maybe keep reminding yourself how happy your mom would be for you and how special she would want this experience to be for you. You are honoring her by enjoying preparing for your special day. And try to think of something special you can do to remember her at the ceremony.

SuperRNluvsChef

So sorry for your loss Beena.  I don't have any personal experience but my heart goes out to you. 

BeenaBooger

Thank  you all for your stories and words. 

BeenaBooger

Well months have passed and I am getting closer to my FMIL. It's still difficult. I find myself avoiding situations, ie looking for a wedding dress, that just don't feel right to do with out her. 

maccor16

I can relate, my mom wants nothing to do with me, She has blocked my number so i can't leave voicemails. She doesn't answer my calls. It hurts, especially when planning a wedding, I always saw her helping me with everything,but now I do not have that support at all.  It's been almost a yr since we spoke.  She is just starting to speak to my brother again...today actually but says that it's all my fault we don't have a relationship and if i want one to call, but she doesn't answer so I am unsure of what else to do about that...But back to the wedding planning, I am leaning on my FI mom, my aunt and grandmom.  They are extremely happy to be there for me,when my mom isn't.  I am still undecided of sending my mom an invite, I do think that there is a 50% chance seh would not even come, I am just worried that our speical day will be ruined by her unecessary drama and possibly police involvement with the past family history of her losing controrl. It's hard  to think about and makes me very upset that someone in yourlife forever just up and cuts youu out of it.  I also have been putting off wedding dress shopping for that reason, it makes me sad.  I also lean on my FI constantly he is my rock and if it wasn't for him i'd be a complete mess.