Is it really a big deal

abbyosu1211

My fmil and my mother were talking the other day........ Our rehearsal site doesn't have one big table for everyone to sit at.  They have multiple round tables.  My fmil told my mom she thought it was weird/tacky ( I can't remember the exact words) that everyone was sitting together.  Now my mother is freaking out that people will think it's weird.  My mother has worked so hard, and took on other jobs just to help pay for this wedding.  We love the site, and I'm okay with it being multiple tables.  It's in a loft setting so it's 1 big room.  I think it was a little rude that fmil even said anything to my mother about the site since she's not fronting the bill.  Granted due to her financial situation she can't help like she would want to so the load has been put on my mother, me, and my fi.  I don't think it's a big deal, but I don't think anything should be said.  My mother has worked so hard to make everything as perfect as she can.  None of us want to  look tacky............. But is it tacky/weird?

AutumnFair

Well, I'm a little confused if you are just having one large table or many smaller tables, either way your FMIL was rude to address this to your mom. I have been to rehearsal dinners were it was backyard find a seat on the stairs outside BBQ, so really, there aren't many tacky things you can do for a rehearsal dinner besides making your guests pay for their own meal. Basically, tell your mom not to worry about it. The way she has is set be it one table or many is fine.

abbyosu1211

I'm sorry I was confusing lol.  My fmil wants 1 big table, but the venue it is taking place at only has multiple tables.

AutumnFair

Personally, I have been to a lot of rehearsal dinners and never in my life did I see a huge Camelot table for everyone to sit at, not that I'm dissing it, I just never seen it so I don't know why your FMIL thinks it will look tacky. Anyway, your mom is paying for the rehearsal dinner so she can have it anyway she wants, your FMIL can deal with the multiple tables. 

jerseydevil

For the rehearsal dinner? No, that's not a big deal at all. If it can accomodate your guests that's all that matters.

frogurt814

I've never been to a RD where everyone sat at one big table.  We had 5 round tables at our RD, and other RD's I've been at have had multiple rectangle or round tables.

MairePoppy

Well, your fmil has no 'filter.' She should not have criticized the your mother's plans.
I have been to only one rehearsal dinner where the restaurant pulled a bunch of tables together to make one long table. At the other rehearsals we sat a various sized tables. It didn't make a difference, either way.

aerinpegadrak

I don't see how it would be strange.  I've very rarely been to any function where we were seated at one long table, including rehearsal dinners.

jemmini6

My rehersal dinner will be pizza at our house as far as I know (my parents have given all they can, FI and I are paying for the rest of the wedding and FIL's haven't offered anything yet, which is completely fine with us) because we just don't have it in our budget to pay for another nice dinner.  Unless anyone else offers to pay for it, they have no right to call it tacky.

abbyosu1211

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_really-big-deal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:24b5898b-666e-4652-827d-f64645dd8e06Post:63ccc6c6-ac19-4204-adcf-4c56ef6e64b7">Re: Is it really a big deal</a>:
[QUOTE]My rehersal dinner will be pizza at our house as far as I know (my parents have given all they can, FI and I are paying for the rest of the wedding and FIL's haven't offered anything yet, which is completely fine with us) because we just don't have it in our budget to pay for another nice dinner.  Unless anyone else offers to pay for it, they have no right to call it tacky.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

Thank you for that.  I believe that's where I became frustrated.  In the back of my mind I was thinking how dare her offend my mother like this.  She hasn't offered to help pay for it there for she shouldn't say anything.

Also thank you to everyone.  I appreciate the comfort.  I didn't believe it was bad, but I think my feelings were hurt cause my mothers were.

redheadtmk

i prefer many smaller tables. that way guests can get up and move around before and after dinne, sit at different tables and chat with different people. when you are all at one big table, you are limited to talking to the people immediately around you.

Muffin'sMom

Tell your mom to smile sweetly, pat her on the hand, and walk away.  I live in the south.  We'd add.....bless your heart.  (in a heavy southern accent)

Kristin789

I've never been to an RD where there was ONE table.  There's always multiple tables.

And about this;
I think it was a little rude that fmil even said anything to my mother

Well, everyone will THINK that FMIL is hosting the RD, because traditionally the groom's family hosts the RD.  And if the RD tradition in FMIL's family is to seat everyone at one table, she wants THIS RD to have one table because that's what she would choose if she was hosting/paying.  Everyone will expect the one table dinner, because that's what's done in the groom's family, and the FMIL probably doesn't want anything to appear "wrong" or not in the groom's tradition, because then they might guess that FMIL really isn't hosting/paying for the RD and somene else made the choices from THEIR background..

Summer2011Bride

I've never been to a RD with one big table. Honestly, I think it would be harder to talk to people that way b/c you are so far apart. She shouldn't have criticized the plan. Just thank her for her opinion and do what you want.

goetzr19

Our rehearsal dinner will have several tables.  Also, most weddings you go to have several tables, not one large one.  I don't see how the RD is any different seating-arrangment-wise. 

And yes, FMIL was wrong to confront your mother. 

SeptemberFall2011

I have been to both types of RD.  Some where we all sit at one big table and some where we split up a bit.  To be honest I liked sitting at one big table cuz it felt more like a family thing.  But sitting at multiple tables gave us more room and privacy to chat cuz you weren't having Uncle Joe with the large booming voice drowning yours out.

It is really up to you two (and mom) what you do.  No one will really care one way or the other!

bablingbrooke

Not weird at all.  Every RD I've been to had it set up that way.

BluValkyrie

all the RD's I've been to had seperate tables

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]I've never been to an RD where there was ONE table.  There's always multiple tables. And about this; I think it was a little rude that fmil even said anything to my mother Well, everyone will THINK that FMIL is hosting the RD, because traditionally the groom's family hosts the RD.  And if the RD tradition in FMIL's family is to seat everyone at one table, she wants THIS RD to have one table because that's what she would choose if she was hosting/paying.  Everyone will expect the one table dinner, because that's what's done in the groom's family, and the FMIL probably doesn't want anything to appear "wrong" or not in the groom's tradition, because then they might guess that FMIL really isn't hosting/paying for the RD and somene else made the choices from THEIR background..
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]
Could be. But then - and this isn't a dig at you - I guess that's too damn bad for FMIL. If your scenario truly is the case, if FMIL wants it that way that badly, she should be the one hosting and paying, or at least contributing. Or hey, she could even have said "we've always done one large table, is there any way we could make that work?"

I draw my own line of agreeing with "who pays, says" at etiquette issues. And how many tables there are at an RD isn't an etiquette issue. FMIL was bang out of line, whatever her family's RD seating "tradition" is.

Judith233

I actually prefer small tables (especially round ones) because you get to talk to more people.  And when food isn't directly in front of you people have a tendancy to get up and mingle, which is harder to do at a huge, long table.  Actually what your mom has set up sounds ideal to me for an RD.