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Best friend wants to work at wedding and not be my MOH!

mrslissettesprouzemrslissettesprouze member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
I am broken hearted because my bff since junior high wants to be one of my wedding vendors instead of my MOH. (She has a job where she works with weddings all the time)  I sort of understand that she thinks she will be giving me this great gift, but I just can't imagine her not being by my side the whole day, and I just can't imagine who will take her place as MOH.

I have only approached her about this jokingly, like "if you're working my wedding who will be my moh?" and she always replies with a laugh like she thinks I 'm joking, and she thinks it's just expected that she will work my wedding because it is her job!  Of course she would be doing it for free but I would rather her be in my bride room with me, by my side at the altar, at my table with me and dancing crazy on the dance floor with me!

Is there any way in the world I can make her understand w/o hurting her feelings or making her think i think her work is crummy?
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Re: Best friend wants to work at wedding and not be my MOH!

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    misschase3misschase3
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    MOH is a job! If she plans weddings then she will be a great MOH. I would rather have her as MOH as well....just talk to her. 
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_friend-wants-work-wedding-not-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:273fe3d6-07bc-4e51-b927-c63c2d88cb2aPost:26f3a704-f23a-44f8-91bf-b22feba78c29">Re: Best friend wants to work at wedding and not be my MOH!</a>:
    [QUOTE]MOH is a job! If she plans weddings then she will be a great MOH. I would rather have her as MOH as well....just talk to her. 
    Posted by misschase3[/QUOTE]
    No, MOH is not a job.  It's an honorary title.  Wedding planner is a job.  The two are not related.

    I do agree, however, that you should talk to her and let her know how you feel.  What exactly would she be doing at the wedding?  One of the regs on the wedding party board had one of her bridesmaids as the photographer, and all were happy with the arrangement.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_friend-wants-work-wedding-not-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:273fe3d6-07bc-4e51-b927-c63c2d88cb2aPost:26f3a704-f23a-44f8-91bf-b22feba78c29">Re: Best friend wants to work at wedding and not be my MOH!</a>:
    [QUOTE]MOH is a job! If she plans weddings then she will be a great MOH. I would rather have her as MOH as well....just talk to her. 
    Posted by misschase3[/QUOTE]
    LOL You are quite a joker.<div>
    </div><div>Talk to your friend and be honest about your feelings. Maybe she doesn't realize how it is more important to be with you as a MOH then getting a nice gift as free services. </div>
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Tell your friend how you feel. She is not going to approach you about it, because she doesn't want to pressure you on this decision. Besides that, she can be both planner and MOH, if that's what you want.
                       
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    misschase3misschase3
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_friend-wants-work-wedding-not-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:273fe3d6-07bc-4e51-b927-c63c2d88cb2aPost:684b5637-078f-4bba-b063-c38769dc96f8">Re: Best friend wants to work at wedding and not be my MOH!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Best friend wants to work at wedding and not be my MOH! : No, MOH is not a job.  It's an honorary title.  Wedding planner is a job.  The two are not related. I do agree, however, that you should talk to her and let her know how you feel.  What exactly would she be doing at the wedding?  One of the regs on the wedding party board had one of her bridesmaids as the photographer, and all were happy with the arrangement.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    In response to your response....it is an honorory title that gives the lady duties. I love how people denote themselves wedding etiquette professionals.
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    misschase3misschase3
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_friend-wants-work-wedding-not-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:273fe3d6-07bc-4e51-b927-c63c2d88cb2aPost:684b5637-078f-4bba-b063-c38769dc96f8">Re: Best friend wants to work at wedding and not be my MOH!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Best friend wants to work at wedding and not be my MOH! : No, MOH is not a job.  It's an honorary title.  Wedding planner is a job.  The two are not related. I do agree, however, that you should talk to her and let her know how you feel.  What exactly would she be doing at the wedding?  One of the regs on the wedding party board had one of her bridesmaids as the photographer, and all were happy with the arrangement.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]


    hehehehe....last post I promise. Obviously you DO know a lot. I apologize. You have over 8K posts! How dare I insult you? (bows head)
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_friend-wants-work-wedding-not-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:273fe3d6-07bc-4e51-b927-c63c2d88cb2aPost:7752b43c-4fdf-4fa7-9d0c-90a8a1faaea4">Re: Best friend wants to work at wedding and not be my MOH!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Best friend wants to work at wedding and not be my MOH! : and soo is your fill in the blank.
    Posted by misschase3[/QUOTE]
    Wow, was that even a complete sentence? Your spamming makes you look real mature and makes everyone trust your judgement. The only person that seems to have a problem with criticism to their opinion would be you or wouldn't have went off and spammed the way you did.<div>
    </div><div>Add: </div><div>[QUOTE]<span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">In response to your response....it is an honorory title that gives the lady duties. I love how people denote themselves wedding etiquette professionals.[/QUOTE]</span></div><div><font size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">MOH and BM is a title to represent the Bride's closest relationships. The only "duties" that a MOH has is show up the day of the wedding, sober, dressed, to hold the bride's flowers, and most times sign the marriage license. Planning a wedding is the responsibility of the bride and groom, helping with any DIY projects is up to the Bride and Groom, and Bridal Showers, Bachelorette party are <strong>extra</strong> gifts that can be thrown by anyone besides the Bride. Most the time friends/family who are party of the wedding party will want/ask to help out with stuff but the Bride should not expect these things. Many friendships get rocked when a Bride has the mindset of expecting their BMs to be their wedding slaves.</span></font></div><div><font size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></font></div>
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    misschase3misschase3
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I didn't "spam". Actually I just don't agree with snootie individuals such as yourself. This isn't a memorandum; it is similar to an internet blog. Therefore, some individuals type concise versions of what they are saying. You know, "MOH"..... "ppl"...."WTF"..."SMH"....God bless you and yours!

    You are quite a loser. J/K, I am such a joker! :)
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Actually, it's an open message board.  If you're comparing it to an "internet blog," it's clear you haven't the faintest idea what a blog is.

    One of the definitions of "spamming" is the posting of multiple messages within a brief period of time.  You posted at least five within five minutes, which you have since deleted.  So that qualifies.

    If you're going to be instructing other people on internet terminology, it would help if you knew the answers yourself first.

    Also, personal attacks are against the rules of these boards, so calling someone a loser can get you banned, even if you do try to pretend that you're just joking.
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    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I love the fact that you did spam and now trying to cover it up. You had at least 4 post within 5 minutes like aerin pointed out. I saved the one so yeah nothing like a DD and then lying about it. And I am not one to really nit pick people's grammar (I'm very bad myself sometimes). But if you are going to blast me at least make it understandable. I have no problems with people using condense versions of words, I do it all the time, I didn't even address you about it so why are you bringing it up? 

    If you take my post as snootie then you are truly a defensive person, there was no "attacking" you, just rebutting your view and pointing out your spamming (which is not allowed). If you get that worked up over people not agreeing with you that you feel the need to attack someone then maybe you should try to relax for a bit before posting. 
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    KnibletKniblet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Planners typically get paid.

    MOH's don't usually receive money for their "service".

    One is a job, the other is an honor.
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    pixiedust84pixiedust84 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_friend-wants-work-wedding-not-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:273fe3d6-07bc-4e51-b927-c63c2d88cb2aPost:22608e4b-e061-40c8-8b25-ac31f58aa144">Re: Best friend wants to work at wedding and not be my MOH!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't "spam". Actually I just don't agree with snootie individuals such as yourself. This isn't a memorandum; it is similar to an internet blog. Therefore, some individuals type concise versions of what they are saying. You know, "MOH"..... "ppl"...."WTF"..."SMH"....God bless you and yours! You are quite a loser. J/K, I am such a joker! :)
    Posted by misschase3[/QUOTE]

    Who's the snootie one? You're the one who thinks that your MOH should work for you. I think that's pretty snootie.
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    mrslissettesprouzemrslissettesprouze member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the replies!

    I think I will have a talk with her tonight, and maybe appeal to her sense of our childhood when I pictured us just laughing and going crazy together at my wedding, like Danny and his BM will be doing.

    Some part of me wonders (hopes) if she maybe wouldn't mind getting to finally rest and ENJOY a wedding for once!  Maybe she just thinks I expect it of HER.

    I will gather my strength and invite her over!!!

    Thanks ladies!
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    PeonyPrincesskddPeonyPrincesskdd
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    how did this become a debate over wedding planner vs maid of honor
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    beamer84beamer84 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe she thinks the MOH must plan the shower/bachelorette. It could be that she doesn't want to plan those AND the wedding. I think you two should discuss what each of you thinks the duties of the MOH are as part of your talk. Maybe she'll want to be your MOH more if you explain that she doesn't need to plan the extra parties - you just want her next to you on your wedding day.
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    rae19rae19 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    you may not pay MOH with "money" but you do shower her with "gifts of appreciation." just putting a spin on this out of control, irrelevant discussion!
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