Overweight Bridesmaid Causes Dress Struggle

abavuso

It is important to me that all of my bridesmaids look uniform, I really like the look of the same thing  on each.  However, my Mom has somewhat forced my brother's girlfriend of 10 years, on me to be in my wedding party.  Not thrilled with it, but I understand the reasoning behind it and I can deal.  However, the woman is overweight, over 150lbs over what she should be.  None of the dresses in the area are carried in her size to even attempt to fit her.  I'm frustrated because I have 1 tiny bridesmaid who looks good in everything, another average bridesmaid that will look fine in anything, 1 heavier/busty bridesmaid, and 1 obese bridesmaid.  I don't know what to do.  Having dresses made aren't really an option because it would be too expensive, but I need some other options here.  Anyone ever have to deal with this?

melissamc2

I know what you should do - do everyone a favor and hire models that are all the same size to be your bridesmaids because you are far more concerned about the appearance than the people.

Or, you could just give them a color to work with and pick their own dreses.  I'm sure they all wear clothes everyday and know where to shop for themselves.

EDIT: I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you don't mean this as superficially as it sounds.

Your wedding is nearly a year away.  You have so much time to talk to all of the girls to find out budgets, styles, and sizes that you CAN find something that will work.  Odds are that this girl is already sensitive about her weight, now she's been forced into a wedding party that she may not even WANT to be in, and here you are posting about how obese and difficult her size is for YOU on a message board.  It just really comes off the wrong way.

waltzingmatilda13

Me! I had 1 skinny minnie, I skinny minnie who was breastfeeding (aka, really big boobs), 1 average and 1 overweight. I picked a pretty modest dress and they were all able to order it in their own size. The 1 overweight BM couldn't actually try anything on because shops just don't carry her size, but she got measured and ordered her own size. It cost a little bit more for her dress, but I think that's pretty standard.

You could always pick a designer, fabric and length and let each girl pick whatever dress they are most comfortable with. They should all be able to order whatever size they need, thought it may cost a bit more for the one.

vsgal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_overweight-bridesmaid-causes-dress-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:27a2e0a9-2a07-4395-9e88-0c6271f1d95dPost:84b91016-6eb3-4347-94a1-cb85ddf9a5c4">Overweight Bridesmaid Causes Dress Struggle</a>:
[QUOTE]It is important to me that all of my bridesmaids look uniform, I really like the look of the same thing  on each.  However, my Mom has somewhat forced my brother's girlfriend of 10 years, on me to be in my wedding party.  Not thrilled with it, but I understand the reasoning behind it and I can deal.  However, the woman is overweight, over 150lbs over what she should be.  None of the dresses in the area are carried in her size to even attempt to fit her.  I'm frustrated because I have 1 tiny bridesmaid who looks good in everything, another average bridesmaid that will look fine in anything, 1 heavier/busty bridesmaid, and 1 obese bridesmaid.  I don't know what to do.  Having dresses made aren't really an option because it would be too expensive, but I need some other options here.  Anyone ever have to deal with this?
Posted by abavuso[/QUOTE]

These are women that you feel close to, not props.  Please don't force them to all wear the same style of dress.  It will be impossible and only cause stress for all involved.  As PP's said, give them a color, designer and let them pick out something that will flatter their body type and make them feel amazing.

Ask yourself this question.  Is is more important to have everyone garanimals matchy and miserable  and letting it show on your wedding day in pictures or is it better for all of them to compliment each other and feel great on your wedding day and actually smile in your pictures?  Remember, you have relationships with all of these women because they are unique.  Shouldn't their apparel reflect that?   

heyimbren

If you're worried about her size issues and what she'll fit in, why don't you let them pick out their own dresses? It'll save you a big headache and then each girl can pick something that they look fabulous in.

aerinpegadrak

I had bridesmaids size 4-24, so finding a dress that looked good on all of them was pretty much impossible.  I just told them all to wear black, and they looked awesome.  The two plus-sized girls went to a specialty shop, and both got fantastic dresses that made them look gorgeous.

I think you'll create a lot of unnecessary and avoidable drama for yourself and your friends if you try to force four very different women into the same dress.

deepcovejackie

You might need to let go of your emphasis on uniformity in your bridal party.  It's just not realistic to expect women of so many different body types to all look the same, even while wearing the same dress.

ETA:  How did your bridesmaid "cause a dress struggle" simply by being of a larger body size?

BrittKnight

Even though what you're saying may come off to some people as being shallow, I know what you're saying.  I can tell your worry isn't in having a plus-sized BM, but that she won't have the same dress to wear.  It would look a little odd if 3 of your BM's are in the same dress and then the larger BM has to wear a completely different one.  People would notice and I'm sure that might make her feel a little out of place to say the least. 

I agree w/ Melissa-- you should let them pick a specific color, style, and length of dress to be 'uniform' as you say.  You could also have them wear the same/similar accessories.  How about a similar sash or jeweled pin on the dress?  If they all wear their hair the same way, that will give a united feel and I think that will look very nice despite their different sizes.

Hope this helps and good luck with everything!  I'm sure everyone will look great!

kayboo1218

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_overweight-bridesmaid-causes-dress-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:27a2e0a9-2a07-4395-9e88-0c6271f1d95dPost:84b91016-6eb3-4347-94a1-cb85ddf9a5c4">Overweight Bridesmaid Causes Dress Struggle</a>:
[QUOTE]It is important to me that all of my bridesmaids look uniform, I really like the look of the same thing  on each. 
Posted by abavuso[/QUOTE]

I understand this is what you want, but I think your best bet is to take everyone else's advice and just pick and color and length then let the girls choose their own dresses. I can promise you your pics will look beautiful!

I just stood in a wedding last month where the bride literally just said "strapless dresses". that was our only "rule". All three of our dresses were different colors, but all strapless and knee length. Mine was purple, MOH was blue, and last BM was an emerald-like green. The pics came back a couple weeks ago and we all look pretty darn good if I do say so myself!

If you make your girls wear something they are uncomfortable with it, it will show in the pics. Please consider this from their side...

Knottie56296520

I gotta agree with Melissamc2 on this one. These women are adults who can dress themselves better than you can dress them. Honestly, I think everyone wearing the same dress is just weird...maybe it's because I wore a uniform in elementary and middle school. But, I digress.

If you really MUST have them all wear the exact same dress, perhaps you can all agree on a dress pattern, and have dresses custom made. Most likely, however, this will be more expensive. But, I don't know what your BMs' budgets are.

abavuso

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_overweight-bridesmaid-causes-dress-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:27a2e0a9-2a07-4395-9e88-0c6271f1d95dPost:72990071-24fc-4097-ac7a-0f8f3c1fab69">Re: Overweight Bridesmaid Causes Dress Struggle</a>:
[QUOTE]Even though what you're saying may come off to some people as being shallow, I know what you're saying.  I can tell your worry isn't in having a plus-sized BM, but that she won't have the same dress to wear.  It would look a little odd if 3 of your BM's are in the same dress and then the larger BM has to wear a completely different one.  People would notice and I'm sure that might make her feel a little out of place to say the least.
Posted by BrittKnight[/QUOTE]

I feel like you are the only person who got what I meant.  I think I'm going to change the color of the dress and allow them to choose their own within certain parameters.  I want them all to be long, the original color was red but black will be easier to find for everyone, and preferably strapless.  Is that too specific still?  Or will that work?

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_overweight-bridesmaid-causes-dress-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:27a2e0a9-2a07-4395-9e88-0c6271f1d95dPost:02f80540-21e0-4945-b5e5-86987fa42751">Re: Overweight Bridesmaid Causes Dress Struggle</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Overweight Bridesmaid Causes Dress Struggle : I feel like you are the only person who got what I meant.  I think I'm going to change the color of the dress and allow them to choose their own within certain parameters.  I want them all to be long, the original color was red but black will be easier to find for everyone, and preferably strapless.  Is that too specific still?  Or will that work?
Posted by abavuso[/QUOTE]

Black and long are fine, but some people are not comfortable in strapless dresses, so just talk to your BMs and make sure they are all ok with that.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_overweight-bridesmaid-causes-dress-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:27a2e0a9-2a07-4395-9e88-0c6271f1d95dPost:02f80540-21e0-4945-b5e5-86987fa42751">Re: Overweight Bridesmaid Causes Dress Struggle</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Overweight Bridesmaid Causes Dress Struggle : I feel like you are the only person who got what I meant.  I think I'm going to change the color of the dress and allow them to choose their own within certain parameters.  I want them all to be long, the original color was red but black will be easier to find for everyone, and preferably strapless.  Is that too specific still?  Or will that work?
Posted by abavuso[/QUOTE]

This sounds fine. Strapless doesn't look fantastic with everyone, but this sounds great.

This is what I was trying to get across in my post though (and I think other PP were too) but maybe we didn't get that point across very well.

flower_diva

overweight bridesmaids should NEVER be made to wear strapless dresses..

lisalou402

I like how you want them to look uniform. Are they quadruplets?

People aren't uniform!

I'm probably being harsh, but you'll be fine...and i'm sure the girls will look great no matter what they wind up wearing. 

I also think you can do red easily.  Is there a David' Bridal nearby you? They have reasonable dresses, many many styles, and many sizes.  

lharri12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_overweight-bridesmaid-causes-dress-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:27a2e0a9-2a07-4395-9e88-0c6271f1d95dPost:02f80540-21e0-4945-b5e5-86987fa42751">Re: Overweight Bridesmaid Causes Dress Struggle</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Overweight Bridesmaid Causes Dress Struggle : I feel like you are the only person who got what I meant.  I think I'm going to change the color of the dress and allow them to choose their own within certain parameters.  I want them all to be long, the original color was red but black will be easier to find for everyone, and preferably strapless.  Is that too specific still?  Or will that work?
Posted by abavuso[/QUOTE]

LOL.  Everyone knew what you meant.  It just came off as a little more harsh than what you were expecting.  You did end up following their advice, after all.

lisab613

if you're really set on them being uniform, you could try David's Bridal. i was in a wedding once in which we had a few overweight girls and they were able to find dresses that they liked there, and then the rest of us ended up matching them. if you're trying to make everyone the same and comfortable, try to pick dresses that have straps -- even skinny minnies will appreciate not having to wear a strapless bra all day, IMO. David's also has (at least they did) dresses that were two pieces, that made finding dresses that fit everyone a bit easier.
good luck! i get what you're saying, it's tough to merge what you want with what will make everyone comfortable.

aerinpegadrak

I would say no to strapless.  It can be very difficult and very expensive for bigger girls to find undergarments for a strapless dress that offers anything close to enough support.

artbyallie

My girls are all different heights (from 5'4" to 6'1") and sizes. I am not only letting them pick out their own dresses (one is actually making hers) with the only stipulation being knee-length, I also gave them all different shades I felt would be flattering on them. I even offered to let them choose which color, but they insisted I assign them.

Teamouse

Same color/fabric & different styles is your best bet. If she were in a dress all by herself & the other girls in the same different from her then she would also look as though she were your Maid of Honor to onlookers.

Muffin'sMom

My daughter is a big girl with a big bust.  Strapless is NOT a good idea.  For a big girl to wear strapless and hold everything in, they have to wear a longline type bra that essentially has steel supports.  First, it's incredibly uncomfortable.  Second, you essentially get muffin top all around the top of the dress.  I'm sure that is not the look you are going for.

melissamc2

To add to the other posts regarding strapless -

It is of my opinion that very few women actually look GOOD in strapless/sleeveless dresses.  Sure, some can pull it off and not look BAD, but the majority of upper arms aren't display worthy.  I'm not sure where the idea came about that wedding parties needed to have bare arms/shoulders, but I find appropriately fitted bridesmaids' dresses to be far more attractive than trendy ones.  It's the very rare bridesmaid (or bride) who can make the dress look the same way the models do.

Wraps and pashminas are a Godsend.  You may want to look into the, depending on what kind of dress the girls go with.

mrstfuture

Just to FYI... I did just this... I gave my BM's certain parameters as well.  I picked designer, color and 7 dresses to pick from - all floor length.  One of the BM's dropped out cause she didn't like one of the 7 dresses to pick from and wanted to pick the designer and color and length for our wedding (she's already had her's), and now one of them wants to change floor length to cocktail because apparantly cocktail is better suited to her body type than floor length (I don't get it either).  Instict is to just hit the rely button when someone emails me with their idea for me and my fiace's wedding, but I have learned to wait at least a day to mull everything over before replying. 

myremedy1976

My BM's are also all different sizes and my daughter is 11yrs old. I got lucky and found a beautiful dress that has a corset style back to it. All of my girls even my daughter tried on this dress and it looks fabulous on all of them. My one BM is a size 22 and she loves the way the dress looks on her because it shows all of her curves (when corset is tied correctly...requires some practice to tie). The dresses are strapless however my daughter and my plus size BM are both having straps added to their dresses. You can find ONE dress that will look good on all of them it just might take some work. But as with most people I would give them a color and a lenght and let them pick there own. If my BMs had not liked the dress, I would have given them a color and let them pick there own.

aliwest_86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_overweight-bridesmaid-causes-dress-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:27a2e0a9-2a07-4395-9e88-0c6271f1d95dPost:84b91016-6eb3-4347-94a1-cb85ddf9a5c4">Overweight Bridesmaid Causes Dress Struggle</a>:
[QUOTE]It is important to me that all of my bridesmaids look uniform, I really like the look of the same thing  on each.  However, my Mom has somewhat forced my brother's girlfriend of 10 years, on me to be in my wedding party.  Not thrilled with it, but I understand the reasoning behind it and I can deal.  However, the woman is overweight, over 150lbs over what she should be.  None of the dresses in the area are carried in her size to even attempt to fit her.  I'm frustrated because I have 1 tiny bridesmaid who looks good in everything, another average bridesmaid that will look fine in anything, 1 heavier/busty bridesmaid, and 1 obese bridesmaid.  I don't know what to do.  Having dresses made aren't really an option because it would be too expensive, but I need some other options here.  Anyone ever have to deal with this?
Posted by abavuso[/QUOTE]

All I have to say is this is your wedding, you have the decision to say who you want in your bridal party. I had this similar issue with my mother , but she understood. Now I am bride- to-be and I willl say my weight cause I am proud of it, little over 150. Now since you are saying she is an "obese woman" you may want to try David's Bridal. I bought my wedding dress their which was a size 14 I am actually a size 12 and I also decided to get my bridesmaids dresses their aswell and all of them are different. I have one who is like 6 ft tall and my MO who is 5 ft tall and curvy but anyway they have bridesmaids dresses that will fit and embrace ANY BEAUTIIFUL FIGURE you want. You could even try Alfred Angelo, if you want them in uniform then I would go for one these boutiques.

She is not obese, but a woman of curves.  So embrace it, embrace all your bridesmaids.

<a href="http://null/profiles/aliwest_86/myknot/MyBio/Edit?pageSectionToEdit=0&contentId=22023&newContent=0#theme" title="Wedding Gowns"></a>

BrittKnight

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_overweight-bridesmaid-causes-dress-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:27a2e0a9-2a07-4395-9e88-0c6271f1d95dPost:02f80540-21e0-4945-b5e5-86987fa42751">Re: Overweight Bridesmaid Causes Dress Struggle</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Overweight Bridesmaid Causes Dress Struggle : I feel like you are the only person who got what I meant.  I think I'm going to change the color of the dress and allow them to choose their own within certain parameters.  I want them all to be long, the original color was red but black will be easier to find for everyone, and preferably strapless.  Is that too specific still?  Or will that work?
Posted by abavuso[/QUOTE]

Yeah, a lot of people tend to read just what they want to read and want to perceive you as an evil person.  (Just read some of my posts, people definitely hate me on here for the dumbest things!) 

To answer your question, I don't think that is too specific...strapless, long, and black is relatively vague so it shouldn't be horribly difficult to find.  It'd be really cute, if you still wanted to tie (no pun intended!) a bit of red into the dresses, and have a red belt or sash.  Good luck girl and don't let these posts get you down!  :)

Hendea3

I had a similar situation with BM's of all different sizes, one fairly skinny with large hips, one fairly average with huge boobs, one average and then one quite overweight as she had gained about 90lbs+from pregnancy and we had to have the measurements done only 2 months after her giving birth.
I ended up choosing Alfred Angelo style 7016 http://www.bestbridalprices.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=33639) it is flowy and pretty but it wont cling on them so it should look good on all of them adn they all seemed pretty  happy except the skinny (MOH) as she wanted a form fittign one but she said she would wear whatever as she understood the one she liked wouldn't fit the others.

colourz

If you want to do black dresses. you could bring in the red with matching shoes or shawls or even red jewellery that matches plus red flowers.