Moms and Maids

help with FMIL?

I'm looking for some advice and would appreciate your friendly input. :)

I'm all for letting the mom's wear what they want but I'm nervous. We went to a wedding with FI's family recently and I was a little shocked at what FMIL wanted to wear. She bought a skin tight, black, strapless mini dress to wear to a church wedding in New England in the winter with her three children in tow. Maybe I'm uptight but I just thought that was insanely inappropriate. She didn't end up wearing it because her husband, who shared my view, told her exactly that on the morning of. Man, was she disappointed. Now she's shopping for dresses for my wedding, which will also be in a church in the winter. She found a dress she really likes but sent me a picture (of just the bodice so I don't know the length) and it's black and completely sheer. I'm a little at a loss of what to say, if anything.

I know she's an adult, she can dress herself, people will talk about her not me, and all that. But the bottom line is she will be the mother of the groom at this wedding and she should look appropriate. By the end of the night she will be my mother too and I don't want people whispering about her. Unfortunately, she doesn't take criticism well at all. I'm nervous about what to say. I wanted to send her some pics of dresses I think are appropriate and say, "The one you sent is pretty but I always pictured you in something like this gorgeous gown. What do you think?" I don't want to overstep my bounds, I don't want to add more stress to anyone's life, but I don't want her to look out of place either.

thanks all.
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: help with FMIL?

  • knisaa2knisaa2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I totally understand what you are going through. I LOVE my grandma, she pretty much raised me-but she dresses entirely too young for her age too. AAAANNND she has a REALLY bad habit of wearing white, blingy dresses to every wedding she attends..the last one we went to she actually bought a long floor length GOWN.I had a talk with her about it and she was pretty understanding with me asking her not to. I would just do what you mentioned. Or even go shopping WITH her and point out something and compliment how the color looks good with her skintone or how the cut/style of the dress flatters her body. As women, we all love compliments! Good luck.
    "For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul" - Judy Garland Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • KnibletKniblet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If her husband stopped her once, I would say he would stop her again.

    You've got to let this one go.  If she wears it, just smile and enjoy your wedding.  Hopefully, her husband will tell her not to wear it or she will choose something more appropriate.

    Good luck!
    vacation vacation vacation vacation
    It's almost here! Weeeeeeee!
    image
    my read shelf:
    Jaime's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    43/70 books read

    Back in June 2010...
  • barbie92barbie92 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I understand that it is frustrating, but this is something you are just going to have to let go. In the end it really won't be that big of a deal.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    image Robby James born 2.24.12 @ 23 weeks due to preterm labor
    Remembering Robby
  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The two best options are try to suggest a Mom dress shopping day or talk to your FFIL if he can be the voice of reason again. I highly suggest not confronting her about this issue, specially if she is someone to take offense easily. 

    Good luck. 
  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't say anything to her.  If her husband feels the need to stop her again, he can.  If she ends up looking like a fool, that's her business, not yours.
  • Haceto27Haceto27 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm trying to let it go, I really am! I wish I could do a Mom shopping day, mostly cuz I think it would be fun, but unfortunately, she lives in another country right now.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    That certainly doesn't sound appropriate for a church wedding. Does your church have a written dress code? If so, pass it along to her and hope for the best. If not, I think you'll have to just accept her the way she is.
    Good luck.
                       
  • em01092em01092 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with MairePoppy. Church requirements are about the only legitimate way you can tactfully oversee what she wears. Even if you tell her about a dress code, she may choose to ignore it and face the consequences. Either way, its going to be her that looks like the idiot. I know you don't want people talking about her, but if she takes criticism as badly as you say, you're going to have to let this go. 
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:28cdce85-41e9-44cc-837b-339a90779a19Post:875cc83d-c540-4e6e-961e-fc526fb71fb5">Re: help with FMIL?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with MairePoppy. Church requirements are about the only legitimate way you can tactfully oversee what she wears. Even if you tell her about a dress code, she may choose to ignore it and face the consequences. Either way, its going to be her that looks like the idiot. I know you don't want people talking about her, but if she takes criticism as badly as you say, you're going to have to let this go. 
    Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]

    This exactly. See if your church has a dress code, and if they do, hopefully that is the approach you can use to help guide her wardrobe decision. However, if they don't, I think you just need to let her wear what she wants to wear.
  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I might show it to FI and let him be the one to tell her that he doesn't want to be able to see through his mom's dress.
    Rocking the Dress with my Bestie
    image
    Vacation
    Married Bio
    Day Zero / Blog
  • edited December 2011
    i read through the advise that you got on here and I you got some good ideas here from some of the other posters.  I really like the idea of talking to her husband and asking him to make sure it works, or talking ot your fiance and showing him the dress to see if it's approriate. 

    I do understand your feelings on this, i have seen some weddings where the Mother of the bride or groom was dressed kind of crazy and it was noticiable, but at the same time it's not worth makingsomeone that important feel bad.
    "Faith Hope and Love are some good things he gave us, and the greatest is Love"
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards