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S/O - Organing your WP

lalap69lalap69 member
1000 Comments
in Moms and Maids
Okay, so several people posted in the "brides maid" thread about how you shouldn't organizing your WP based on how close people are to you.  I understand all the reasons for this, and I wouldn't want to hurt people's feelings.  At the same time, I do want people up there in a certain order.

I want my sister (MOH) and my brother (attendant) to be the two people closest to me.  FI will be similar - he'll want to have his two brothers (one is BM, the other is a GM) closest to him.  If we base it off of height or alphabetical order, we won't get that arrangement.

I think everyone should understand that our siblings come first.  Is that really wrong?
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Re: S/O - Organing your WP

  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I don't think that's wrong at all, makes perfect sense to me!
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    lala:  I think what you're going to find is that on your wedding day, you won't give a rat's butt who is standing where, and you'll wonder, 5 minutes after you kiss your new DH why you even wondered about it.

    You'll be completely focused on your FI to the point of not really seeing or thinking about anyone else in the room.  This is one of those details that you think matters, but come to realize that it just doesn't.

    I think choosing some random qualifier is just easier on everyone.


    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Trix - Even if it doesn't matter to me, it will matter to them.  I know it meant a lot to me to be the person standing next to my sister on her wedding day.  I know it mattered to my parents to see my brother and I up where we were too.  For me, my siblings come before everyone who isn't FI.  Maybe you're right and once I'm up there it won't even occur to me, but I still think it's important.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm with Trix--I honestly have to look at the pictures to tell who stood in what order.  I don't remember, they worked it out among themselves, it wasn't any sort of big deal.  My understanding is that DH's GM did something similar.

    If you want to create the order, I think it's pretty widely understood that siblings are in a different "class" and I know my feelings have never been hurt by being "second" to a sibling.  I would be upset if I were in a WP of all friends and I was 3rd or 4th back based on how much the bride valued my friendship.  See the difference?
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    lala:  I do understand what you're saying re:  siblings/friends.  And I wouldn't be upset if I were a friend in a wedding for a woman (or man) who had a mix of siblings and friends to be "after" siblings. 

    I agree with brooke about a WP of all friends, though.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Okay, thanks, ladies. :)

    I do appreciate getting feedback from those of you who have gone through this already!
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  • NatandIsaacNatandIsaac
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    MOH: heart
    BMs: lungs, liver
    Jr. BM: kidney
    FG: bladder
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_organing-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2932c774-fe8b-4ece-90bb-ebffe6cb3ee5Post:065a860e-ea04-4acf-8911-778dc03acbb9">Re: S/O - Organing your WP</a>:
    [QUOTE]MOH: heart BMs: lungs, liver Jr. BM: kidney FG: bladder
    Posted by NatandIsaac[/QUOTE]
    Oh geeze, I didn't even realize my typo in the title until this!  lol
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  • NatandIsaacNatandIsaac
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    FTR, that is my entire knowledge of human anatomy.
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    lala I agree with you. I must put my closest girls next to me because they mean the most. I mean-- sorry, but true. I know my friends who are 3rd, 4th, etc have friends they are closer to also. No big deal. They are still thankful to be standing up in my wedding and I will be thankful to be in theirs.

    and I will always remember their orders because my memory is always focused on people and friend type of stuff.
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  • pretzelgrrlpretzelgrrl member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Lala-I think the way you are thinking of doing it sounds great.  It makes perfect sense to me and it sounds like what you really want to do so do it...you don't have to tell any of the other wedding party about your resons for the order even though when they see who is closest I'm sure they will understand. 
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Nobody would question why your siblings were first.  We paired up our BMs & GMs together by height or who knew eachother, and then the order they stood took care of itself.  Obviously the MOH & BM were first on each side.  Then H wanted his 2 brothers next.  There was only 2 pairs after that.  1 of the BM's didn't know if she would make it in town for the RD so I had her go second from last so she could just follow the first BM in when walking (since the last one walks in first). 

    The only one that I kind of ranked was my best friend, who would have been a MOH if I wanted 2.  So I knew I wanted her next to my MOH, and so I paired her up with H's older brother. 

    Honestly though, only our MOH & BM stood at the altar with us, and the rest of the WP sat in the first pew on each side, so it really made no difference at all. 
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  • Jennifer&NateJennifer&Nate
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If I organize people at all, it'll probably be to match up the girls with guys somewhat. In other words, not put the tallest girl with the shortest guy on the way out if there's a way to avoid it. I know it technically doesn't matter, but some people get weirded out by that sort of thing.
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  • ichellemay1ichellemay1
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_organing-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2932c774-fe8b-4ece-90bb-ebffe6cb3ee5Post:973c17c0-e30c-4a6a-922d-066a016ab2d5">Re: S/O - Organing your WP</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just told mine to line up. Doing it by height is demeaning (<strong>how??? did that even get started???).</strong> tall people get sick of always being in front, and short people hate being at the end of the line.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    My first wedding my MOH stood next to me and the other 3 were in height order after her.  Two of them were almost the same height, so it didn't make much difference.  I think the wedding coordinator told me it had to do with aesthetics.  It also removes choosing who is closest to me stuff. 
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_organing-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2932c774-fe8b-4ece-90bb-ebffe6cb3ee5Post:cabc1ccd-cd3d-43c7-b8c1-ea886b957a0d">Re: S/O - Organing your WP</a>:
    [QUOTE]If I organize people at all, it'll probably be to match up the girls with guys somewhat. In other words, not put the tallest girl with the shortest guy on the way out if there's a way to avoid it. I know it technically doesn't matter, but some people get weirded out by that sort of thing.
    Posted by Jennifer&Nate[/QUOTE]

    Our best man is 6'5 and our matron of honor is 5'2, they looked fantastic walking down the aisle together.
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_organing-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2932c774-fe8b-4ece-90bb-ebffe6cb3ee5Post:822e9611-d6cc-466f-8e6c-67c454619a1d">Re: S/O - Organing your WP</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm with Trix--I honestly have to look at the pictures to tell who stood in what order.  I don't remember, they worked it out among themselves, it wasn't any sort of big deal.  My understanding is that DH's GM did something similar. <strong>If you want to create the order, I think it's pretty widely understood that siblings are in a different "class" and I know my feelings have never been hurt by being "second" to a sibling.  I would be upset if I were in a WP of all friends and I was 3rd or 4th back based on how much the bride valued my friendship.</strong>  See the difference?
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    THIS!!

    Also, Trix is right about not noticing anyone else during the wedding.  When our ceremony was over, I was actually surprised to hear clapping because I forgot about everyone else.
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm surprised by how many people apparently didn't decide on the order of people walking down the aisle till that day. We did it in advance and then the order in the program matched the order people walked in, which made perfect sense to me. I don't really remember how we figured the order, but I know we came up with something that made sense to us ahead of time. I wouldn't have wanted to leave that detail to the last minute, not because it's so important, but because I didn't want to have to make any decisions or figure anything out last minute.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_organing-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2932c774-fe8b-4ece-90bb-ebffe6cb3ee5Post:77a00975-5237-488f-bd8b-b60c8825f3a4">Re: S/O - Organing your WP</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm surprised by how many people apparently didn't decide on the order of people walking down the aisle till that day. We did it in advance and then the order in the program matched the order people walked in, which made perfect sense to me. I don't really remember how we figured the order, but I know we came up with something that made sense to us ahead of time. <strong>I wouldn't have wanted to leave that detail to the last minute, not because it's so important, but because I didn't want to have to make any decisions or figure anything out last minute.</strong>
    Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]
    You do realize it just involves saying, "Line up however you want", right?  It doesn't require many brain cells.
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_organing-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2932c774-fe8b-4ece-90bb-ebffe6cb3ee5Post:236f00b3-46d1-4a04-831a-7ebec543cc64">Re: S/O - Organing your WP</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O - Organing your WP : You do realize it just involves saying, "Line up however you want", right?  It doesn't require many brain cells.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    Right, it's not brain surgery, but why ask for confusion? We had 4 women and 5 men so 1 woman walked with 2 men. Sure, we could have left them to figure it out, but why? It just seems bizarre to me that with all the planning that most of us put into these weddings that details like that aren't figured out ahead of time. If it worked for you to not do it, fine, but I hardly think the OP is being over the top for planning how her bridal party is going to process.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_organing-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2932c774-fe8b-4ece-90bb-ebffe6cb3ee5Post:b11558f0-c2d4-4297-9df7-0e65dac168ce">Re: S/O - Organing your WP</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O - Organing your WP : Right, it's not brain surgery, but why ask for confusion? We had 4 women and 5 men so 1 woman walked with 2 men. <strong>Sure, we could have left them to figure it out, but why? </strong>It just seems bizarre to me that with all the planning that most of us put into these weddings that details like that aren't figured out ahead of time. If it worked for you to not do it, fine, but I hardly think the OP is being over the top for planning how her bridal party is going to process.
    Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]
    Why not?  You don't have to control every teeny tiny aspect of wedding planning.  It's not like that delegation of responsibility freaked out the WP.  <div>
    </div><div>I don't think lalap is overthinking at all.  I do think you are a bit.</div>
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_organing-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2932c774-fe8b-4ece-90bb-ebffe6cb3ee5Post:0862188d-dd9c-4447-add7-57bfca36c147">Re: S/O - Organing your WP</a>:
    [QUOTE] I don't think lalap is overthinking at all.  I do think you are a bit.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    I answered her question, same as you did. Sorry I didn't give the answer YOU think is right, but not sure how that comes to be "overthinking."
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You were making it seem like one of the biggest decisions you'd have to make all day.  Do whatever you want, but know that the way you're talking about "why burden my WP with that decision" and "I need to get that sorted months in advance" you make it sound like a HUGE deal and, objectively speaking, it just isn't. 
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  • Jennifer&NateJennifer&Nate
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_organing-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2932c774-fe8b-4ece-90bb-ebffe6cb3ee5Post:83b9be1e-db3a-4306-85b9-804ed2324d8e">Re: S/O - Organing your WP</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O - Organing your WP : Our best man is 6'5 and our matron of honor is 5'2, they looked fantastic walking down the aisle together.
    Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
    Yeah I meant mostly having a really tall girl with a really short guy. If it happens, it happens, no big deal. But I know some people feel awkward (for whatever reason) so I was just saying that I would rearrange the party to compensate for that as much as possible. :)
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_organing-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2932c774-fe8b-4ece-90bb-ebffe6cb3ee5Post:b0d14d76-b1dd-4481-9c17-a6ebb78dd643">Re: S/O - Organing your WP</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O - Organing your WP : Yeah I meant mostly having a really tall girl with a really short guy. If it happens, it happens, no big deal. But I know some people feel awkward (for whatever reason) so I was just saying that I would rearrange the party to compensate for that as much as possible. :)
    Posted by Jennifer&Nate[/QUOTE]
    Think about where the short guy's eye level would be on the tall girl he's escorting.  Somehow I don't think most guys would have a problem with that.
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_organing-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2932c774-fe8b-4ece-90bb-ebffe6cb3ee5Post:e196b25f-ef01-4667-bc04-d8e88fc78bb6">Re: S/O - Organing your WP</a>:
    [QUOTE]You were making it seem like one of the biggest decisions you'd have to make all day.  Do whatever you want, but know that the way you're talking about "why burden my WP with that decision" and "I need to get that sorted months in advance" you make it sound like a HUGE deal and, objectively speaking, it just isn't. 
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    WTF? Serious reading comprehension fail on your part. I also love the way you put expressions in quotation marks that are completely out of line with what I actually did say. I quite specifically said it was a "detail" that I wouldn't want to leave for the "last minute" (e.g., as people are lining up). And I can't believe I've gotten into an online argument about something so insignificant. You and this whole conversation are altogether weird.
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  • Jennifer&NateJennifer&Nate
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_organing-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2932c774-fe8b-4ece-90bb-ebffe6cb3ee5Post:5dfa9f43-bc22-4a63-be6b-06fcd5fce9b9">Re: S/O - Organing your WP</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O - Organing your WP : Think about where the short guy's eye level would be on the tall girl he's escorting.  Somehow I don't think most guys would have a problem with that.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
    True, very true. ;)
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  • SCogs18SCogs18 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No one is going to question how you arrage your wedding party.  If you want your sister and brother closet them have them be closest.  The rest of your party should be polite enough to not say anything if they don't like their place in line and none of your guests will really care or notice.  Honestly, the only time I noticed the arragement of the bridal party was when the bride made her two sisters the last two attendants and she had 10 bridesmaids!  I almost felt like she didn't want to include them and her mother made  her, so I agree with what you are doing.
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