Dress for future mother in law

kheta13

Can anyone suggest a reasonable place to go shopping for a mother of the groom dress?
My future mother in law claims she has no money to buy herself a dress for her sons wedding.  (always a sob story with her.) She travels for a month at time every two years over in Europe.  Although she claims she can't work, she goes shopping every day "to get out of the house." I have a hard time with her sob story (because it's always something.  She is more concerned about what's going on with herself rather than the fact that her only son is getting married.  She has no interested in being involved...we have tried over and over again. It breaks my fiance's heart everytime but then she complains to the rest of the family that we don't involve her in anything)  She has now sold her house for a profit.  Although she hadn't paid towards the mortgage of it for a number of years because my groom was living there (up until recently) and "paying rent" which was really their 2500$ a month mortgage.  While his dad paid the rest of the bills.  And his other siblings (all adults) lived there for FREE.  (I could go on and on at how unfair the situation was or is for my groom but it's exhausting.... it gets me nowhere and isn't my business.)  So now they have seen a 60 000$ profit on the house sale plus what they were already getting back their down payments and such.  Not a penny has been offered up to my groom but again not my business. 

His parents have not offered us any money towards our wedding which is fine.  It's not expected but certainly appreciated.  My parents have helped us out quite a bit and we are very lucky for that. It annoys me that his mom has her demands (ie needing to be married in church and which one, and the food to be served) however there has been no financial input to support her extra demands.  It's to be done on our dime.  Now she is crying she doesn't have a dress for her only sons wedding.  I know my fiance will suggest that we get his mom a dress... which it's a hard pill to swallow but I will swallow it.  My fiance is clueless to what these things should cost.... I don't want his mom picking the dress shop we go to because she knows the expensive ones in the area.  She has champagne taste on someone else's beer budget.

Does anyone know of a reasonable dress shop in the Toronto area for Mother of the groom/bride dresses?  I am saying less than 400$ in the 200$ range all in... is ideal but may not be realistic.

sister2groom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dress-future-mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:298d788a-ea2c-4976-a8f9-360c4667627dPost:e462a3b4-15bf-4d1c-bc4e-869afff271c4">Dress for future mother in law</a>:
[QUOTE]I know my fiance will suggest that we get his mom a dress...  My fiance is clueless to what these things should cost.
Posted by kheta13[/QUOTE]

You and your FI need to figure out NOW how you're going to deal with requests/financial drains from his mother/family. It sounds like you have a lot of resentment over his financial contributions to his family, if you don't agree on how to address this once you have more combined finances, this could become a much worse problem.  As far as your FI paying his parents mortage ("rent") goes, he could always have moved out, so it looks like it bothers you way more than it bothered him.

Also, maybe he thinks a dress costs $30, and if that were the case, I probably would just pay the $30. I  wouldn't expect him to know how much formal dresses cost, so you need to tell him, take him to a dress shop and show him.

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dress-future-mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:298d788a-ea2c-4976-a8f9-360c4667627dPost:e462a3b4-15bf-4d1c-bc4e-869afff271c4">Dress for future mother in law</a>:
[QUOTE]Can anyone suggest a reasonable place to go shopping for a mother of the groom dress? My future mother in law claims she has no money to buy herself a dress for her sons wedding.  (always a sob story with her.) She travels for a month at time every two years over in Europe.  Although she claims she can't work, she goes shopping every day "to get out of the house." I have a hard time with her sob story (because it's always something.  She is more concerned about what's going on with herself rather than the fact that her only son is getting married.  She has no interested in being involved...we have tried over and over again. It breaks my fiance's heart everytime but then she complains to the rest of the family that we don't involve her in anything)  She has now sold her house for a profit.  Although she hadn't paid towards the mortgage of it for a number of years because my groom was living there (up until recently) and "paying rent" which was really their 2500$ a month mortgage.  While his dad paid the rest of the bills.  And his other siblings (all adults) lived there for FREE.  (I could go on and on at how unfair the situation was or is for my groom but it's exhausting.... it gets me nowhere and isn't my business.)  So now they have seen a 60 000$ profit on the house sale plus what they were already getting back their down payments and such.  Not a penny has been offered up to my groom but again not my business.  His parents have not offered us any money towards our wedding which is fine.  It's not expected but certainly appreciated.  My parents have helped us out quite a bit and we are very lucky for that. It annoys me that his mom has her demands (ie needing to be married in church and which one, and the food to be served) however there has been no financial input to support her extra demands.  It's to be done on our dime.  Now she is crying she doesn't have a dress for her only sons wedding.  I know my fiance will suggest that we get his mom a dress... which it's a hard pill to swallow but I will swallow it.  My fiance is clueless to what these things should cost.... I don't want his mom picking the dress shop we go to because she knows the expensive ones in the area.  She has champagne taste on someone else's beer budget. Does anyone know of a reasonable dress shop in the Toronto area for Mother of the groom/bride dresses?  I am saying less than 400$ in the 200$ range all in... is ideal but may not be realistic.
Posted by kheta13[/QUOTE]

knisaa2

In response to sisterofgroom:

You and your FI need to figure out NOW how you're going to deal with requests/financial drains from his mother/family. It sounds like you have a lot of resentment over his financial contributions to his family, if you don't agree on how to address this once you have more combined finances, this could become a much worse problem. As far as your FI paying his parents mortage ("rent") goes, he could always have moved out, so it looks like it bothers you way more than it bothered him.

Also, maybe he thinks a dress costs $30, and if that were the case, I probably would just pay the $30. I wouldn't expect him to know how much formal dresses cost, so you need to tell him, take him to a dress shop and show him. 





I totally AGREE! It IS your business because you are all about to become a family when you marry.

MairePoppy

Why are you so interested in your fmil's financial situation? It has nothing to do with you. If fmil says she can't afford to buy a new dress for your wedding, take her at her word. She might have something in her closet that is suitable. If she is angling for a new dress and fi wants to buy that for her, then leave it between them.

If you are looking for a bargain dress shop in Toronto, you should try posting the question on the Toronto board. Look at the blue column on the left of this page. Click on 'Local Wedding Boards.' The Canadian boards are listed at the end.

Good luck.

kheta13

It's not that I have resentment about his financial contributions... and absolutely he had every opportunity to move out... but mothers guilt also played a big factor to him staying. I too had to pay rent to my parents when I lived at home, all of us who chose to stay at home while working full time had to pay them rent. Not a huge amount but something. The financial aspect is only the tip of the iceberg that we deal with when it comes to his family issues. He took a lot of heat from his siblings he left at home who all of sudden had to start paying their parents rent for living there when he left. They thought it was fair that he had to  and should have stayed until his parents were no longer in financial need of him and/or they all moved out. However it's completely unfair that they too should have to pay some kind of rent now that he is gone.  It's all so minor in comparison to the big picture. We continue to take heat from the rest of the family on every aspect of our life and choices onfor our wedding. (what we bought people for christmas, where we spent christmas, where we decided to buy a house, what colours we decided to paint the house, what colours for the wedding, what style of cake, what food we serve, the car they ride in, the dj we hired, etc) 

My concern is that we ouselves are living on a beer budget... ofcourse we have champagne taste (who doesn't to a degree) but we are realisitc to our financial situation and know our priorities and goals.

She just thinks that things are limitless or endless when someone else is fitting the bill. So I would like to suggest where we should go versus her suggesting.

kheta13

I have no problem with her wearing something out of her closet. No problem at all.  It's the guilt and sob story everytime we visit with her that she wants and needs a new dress.

And yeah if he says I would like to buy my mom's dress I am fine with that.  I expect it from him because he has a huge heart and that's what I love about him.  But ultimately it's OUR budget that's going to take the hit.  So it can't be a free for all.

MairePoppy

That's very difficult when the parents are financially dependent on their children. And if your fi is shouldering most of the burden, you need to have some kind of understanding about how much help for the parents is reasonable. You have to take care of your own bills first. Since they like to guilt trip their son, it would be a good idea to get some relationship counseling.

You're also going to have to learn how to tune out their opinions. When they say your should have a 4 tier chocolate cake, with strawberry mousse filling and pink frosting, you should say, "Thank you for sharing your opinion, we'll have to think about that." Then change the subject.

vicki0508

Judge much OP?  Don't worry, all of these issues will be magically solved once you get married.

lovemygrandkids

The Dixie Outlet Mall on the west end of Toronto near the 401 has a large number of women's big name fashion stores but the clothes and shoes are discounted.  You should have no problem getting something very nice in your price range.

Muffin'sMom

Once again...you need to come to an agreement about his mother.  If you do not, it will come back to haunt you down the road.

greygarnett

I think there are more issues than a FMIL dress that need to be worked out here and should be done BEFORE the wedding. According to you this isn't her first time acting this way and it won't be her last. You and you FI need to be on the same page NOW and ALWAYS on issues like this or it could cause some big fights in the future for the two of you. Him want to help out his parents and you're wanting for him to cut the cord and have them take some of their own responsability is a big gap.

LJFrancis

I would suggest shopping online at Nordstrom or Von Mawr.  I picked out a beautiful dress for my son's fall 2012 wedding that cost about $199.00  They have even better sale prices.