This probably sounds terrible...

ckonidak

I just don't understand what is up with having a HUGE bridal party. I'm confused as to why anyone thinks that's a good idea. I realize that sometimes, everything works out and there's no drama, but seriously, just choose a few people, not nine for pete's sake! I am just in shock why it's so difficult to choose just 2 or maybe 3 girls to stand next to you. 

PS. If you are one of those brides, I am so sorry, I know this sounds judgy, and I guess it is, but it's more of a rant because I don't understand. So apologies if this offends anyone, as that was not it's purpose.


... End of rant.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_this-probably-sounds-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2a3757bf-6839-475d-8ad9-98167af3c138Post:90344a1c-7d22-4fdb-adc0-5ec2463e6683">This probably sounds terrible...</a>:
[QUOTE]I just don't understand what is up with having a HUGE bridal party. I'm confused as to why anyone thinks that's a good idea. I realize that sometimes, everything works out and there's no drama, but seriously, just choose a few people, not nine for pete's sake! I am just in shock why it's so difficult to choose just 2 or maybe 3 girls to stand next to you.  PS. If you are one of those brides, I am so sorry, I know this sounds judgy, and I guess it is, but it's more of a rant because I don't understand. So apologies if this offends anyone, as that was not it's purpose. ... End of rant.
Posted by ckonidak[/QUOTE]

The average I usually see is about 4-6. Sometimes it is hard because some people have large families, sometimes people have a lot of close friends. I usually think once you get pass 7 you might get problems if there are a lot of "opinionate" friends and family. But then again, I have seen just family (my aunts) go into combat mode over stuff. Do I myself side eye people will over 10? No, because those people could be the Brides closest people that there is no way she could leave out. I'm not there to judge the Bride and Grooms choices, I'm there to celebrate their marriage.

KatyRoseM

I hear what your saying, but what if your truly close to 9 people and can't imagine your wedding without them?  I don't think brides have huge parties just because, its because they truly love those people.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I get this response to having 5 BM's, but I can't imagine getting married without them standing there with me. 

[Deleted User]

While I think that 4-6 or so is average, I have seen WP with a lot more. And what works for one bride with regards to getting everyone organized and ready to go, may not work for another. It really just depends on what kind of friends and family you have.

I had 6 BM's. They all live in different states from me. I arranged a time to go shopping with them when I was home. The one that couldn't make it just bought her dress on her own time. No big deal. We went with DB, so there were not discrepancies or anything. Had I not been able to go shopping with them, I am more than confident that I could of told them the details and they would of had the dress and been ready to go on my wedding day.

lalap69

I'm having 8 people stand up with me.  Of those, 1 is my sister, 1 is my brother, 1 is my brother-in-law who is also my best male friend, and 1 is my first cousin who I've coached for 4 years.  Then I have my best friend from high school, my 2 best friends from undergrad and my best friend from law school.

Judge away.  I think it's sad that you don't have many people you're close to.

filaw

We had six on each side and we didn't include hist BIL or his sister, so it easily could have been more.  It was a bit tricky when both sides wanted to schedule pre-wedding parties, since they're all busy people, but we didn't have any "drama".

garcias1

I have 2 MOHs and 5 BMs for a total of 7 girls.  Two of which are family (sister and cousin).  The others are my best friend of 12 years and four college friends.  I do sometimes feel like I am being judged for having such a big WP.  To be honest, I would think that more than 10 might be a bit overboard, but I really can't judge someone based on their WP size.

joiner521

...it is because some of us have dear friends and family members we want to have there to share the moment. I have 5 and that is what I wanted  . Everyone is different.

ckonidak

Well, I'm glad to hear from people that really feel close to their WP. I have a few friends right now that are picking 10+ girls just because, they're not even that close, they just like the pictures (their words, not mine). I think I was just surprised at the growing trend. And I have plenty of close friends, I guess I just don't feel the need to have them standing with me, I'm happy they'll be there to celebrate none the less. It is a relief to hear from brides that are honestly close to that many people, thank you guys for sharing and shedding some light! 

Davesgrl2011

I have three and my fiance has four cause one of my maids is MIA.  Is that a huge faux pas??

chuygrl77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_this-probably-sounds-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2a3757bf-6839-475d-8ad9-98167af3c138Post:87ed2b33-45c6-49be-8a34-7b6c74575747">Re: This probably sounds terrible...</a>:
[QUOTE]I have three and my fiance has four cause one of my maids is MIA.  Is that a huge faux pas??
Posted by Davesgrl2011[/QUOTE]

No, this is not a faux pas.  I have 9 BM and FI has 11 GM and we're not one bit concerned about any numbers.  We chose based on who we are closest with and don't care what people may think about it.  We didn't do it for pictures, that's for sure.  We love and appreciate each and every one of them.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_this-probably-sounds-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2a3757bf-6839-475d-8ad9-98167af3c138Post:87ed2b33-45c6-49be-8a34-7b6c74575747">Re: This probably sounds terrible...</a>:
[QUOTE]I have three and my fiance has four cause one of my maids is MIA.  Is that a huge faux pas??
Posted by Davesgrl2011[/QUOTE]
No, there's nothing wrong with uneven sides.  It just means that people matter more to you than numbers.  That's a good thing.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_this-probably-sounds-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2a3757bf-6839-475d-8ad9-98167af3c138Post:d3efc20d-870e-4d63-824d-052e0832d044">Re: This probably sounds terrible...</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I'm glad to hear from people that really feel close to their WP. I have a few friends right now that are picking 10+ girls just because , they're not even that close, they just like the pictures (their words, not mine). I think I was just surprised at the growing trend. And I have plenty of close friends, I guess I just don't feel the need to have them standing with me, I'm happy they'll be there to celebrate none the less. It is a relief to hear from brides that are honestly close to that many people, thank you guys for sharing and shedding some light! 
Posted by ckonidak[/QUOTE]
I think that having a huge wedding party just to have a huge party is silly.  It's more expensive, for one thing.

But I think when you start bashing on everyone with a large party that it's problematic.  Some of us really do have that many people we're close to, people we couldn't imagine getting married without.  If you don't have that many people that are musts for you, that's fine, but some of us do.  I don't see what's so hard to understand about that.

ckonidak

Well, as I said in my OP, I didn't mean to offend anyone. I know it came off as snarky, and I'm sorry if you felt like I was bashing people. The brides that commented on here made it clear that their BP were people they loved and wanted to be up there, regardless if it was only 1 person, or 13, and I think that's the way it should be. I was more expressing my frustration with a few of my friends that are doing it only for pictures.

Again, I am sorry to have offended, that was not my intention at all, and I was being sincere when I thanked you guys for talking about it with me because it really was nice to hear that people honestly loved their BP, big or small.

LuluP82

I think the same way we tell ppl not to worry about uneven sides, there shouldn't be a magic number of BMs that are acceptable. I have tons of really close friends. The only reason I ended up with just 4 girls is we decided to make it family only. I didn't want to pick from my close friends, so I didn't. But we also didn't invite anyone to our 70 person wedding we weren't close with, so if we'd had a larger wedding, I would have had 10 girls.

skippylouwho

Does it matter that you don't understand? If it's not your wedding and you're not in a huge wedding party that is, for whatever reason, annoying you - then what does it matter that you don't understand?

If it makes the couple happy and it's no skin off your nose - what does it matter?

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_this-probably-sounds-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2a3757bf-6839-475d-8ad9-98167af3c138Post:83738b39-61a4-4625-90c5-7c71cbc4492c">Re: This probably sounds terrible...</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, as I said in my OP, I didn't mean to offend anyone. I know it came off as snarky, and I'm sorry if you felt like I was bashing people. The brides that commented on here made it clear that their BP were people they loved and wanted to be up there, regardless if it was only 1 person, or 13, and I think that's the way it should be. I was more expressing my frustration with a few of my friends that are doing it only for pictures. Again, I am sorry to have offended, that was not my intention at all, and I was being sincere when I thanked you guys for talking about it with me because it really was nice to hear that people honestly loved their BP, big or small.
Posted by ckonidak[/QUOTE]
I wasn't offended, I was annoyed.  See, I think you were trying to stir the pot.  You didn't post in your OP "I know a lot of girls just want big WP's and will pick anyone just so it can be big.  I don't get that."  (I'm not even sure that I believe that explanation.)  You wrote that you didn't understand large parties and "for pete's sake" how hard was it to just pick 2 or 3.  Those are different things.

Anyway, you don't have to get it because it's not about you.  But I still fail to see how a larger WP was such a hard concept to understand that you needed to have it explained to you.

jcamm11

We have 5 girls and 4 guys in our WP.  I had a really hard time sticking at 5.  Everytime one of my friends or family not in the WP congratulated me and told me they were excited for the wedding, I had to fight back the urge to blurt out do you want to be a bridesmaid.  Everyone I asked got so excited and sometimes moved, and it just made me really happy.

But yea, I agree, you've got to cap it somewhere, because it's really not an honor if half the guest list is in the wedding party.

JessicaE84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_this-probably-sounds-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2a3757bf-6839-475d-8ad9-98167af3c138Post:95307c48-923b-4ce5-a3ae-db82f3d65b3e">Re: This probably sounds terrible...</a>:
[QUOTE]Does it matter that you don't understand? If it's not your wedding and you're not in a huge wedding party that is, for whatever reason, annoying you - then what does it matter that you don't understand? If it makes the couple happy and it's no skin off your nose - what does it matter?
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

Agreed. Why would you even care about this? It's not your wedding and it has literally no impact on you as a guest.

SereJane

I am having 8 bridesmaids, 2 junior bridesmaids, and a flower girl on my side. FI is having less. I wanted to include all of my sisters (I have three) and my best friends without leaving anyone out that I am truly close to. Is it a large number? Yes, definitely. Would I have it any other way? No, because I love all of those girls and am honored that they agreed to stand by me on my wedding day.

StephieBow

We're having 5 BMs (including MOH) and 5 Groomsmen (Including the BM) and 4 flower girls.  Every single person in our wedding party is incredibly important to us.

And at 5 BMs I had to not include 4 girls that I am really close to as well... but I decided FOR ME that beyond 5 was just too many.

I know it's "big" but, with all the weddings I've been to it's actually average!

I don't think that there is anything to "understand."  All you need to know is that the bride and/or groom are doing what they want to make themselves and those closest to them happy on their wedding day!

amylo84

I personally never felt the need to include every person I have ever considered a friend in the actual wedding itself.  Will I invite them?  sure.  I am using strictly family for my BMs.  I think that was mostly in part of me not having what you would call "best friends", I mostly have aquaintances and am closer to my family than anyone else.  to each their own I guess

Beads921

I kind of agree. Quite frankly, I'd prefer not to have a wedding party. I don't have any friends I'm that close to that I'll want to look at pictures of for the rest of my life - I've just never been like that. My sisters will probably be my wedding party, and maybe 1 friend as a MOH to keep the peace between my sisters. 

I mean, I get that it's different strokes for different folks, but I'd prefer to keep it in the family. I find wedding parties of more than 5 on each side just look gigantic lined up at the front during the ceremony, and the head table just gets ridiculous!

animal0126

My fiance and I will have 6 on each side. I chose 6 because 3 of them are girls that I am extremely close with throughout school and the other 3 are girls I grew to be extremely close with through work. They have helped me through thick and thin and I couldn't imagine not having them there.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_this-probably-sounds-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2a3757bf-6839-475d-8ad9-98167af3c138Post:1a4d9247-6481-4dca-83c1-2455294dbe4f">Re: This probably sounds terrible...</a>:
[QUOTE]I kind of agree. Quite frankly, I'd prefer not to have a wedding party. I don't have any friends I'm that close to that I'll want to look at pictures of for the rest of my life - I've just never been like that. My sisters will probably be my wedding party, and maybe 1 friend as a MOH to keep the peace between my sisters.  I mean, I get that it's different strokes for different folks, but I'd prefer to keep it in the family. I find wedding parties of more than 5 on each side just look gigantic lined up at the front during the ceremony, <strong>and the head table just gets ridiculous!</strong>
Posted by Beads921[/QUOTE]
Head tables are dated and rude.  They separate WP members from their dates and you can only talk to the person on either side of you.

We're not having one, and excluding people from the WP over concerns over how the head table would look is pretty ridiculous.

heyimbren

Choosing people just for the sake of having a large WP in and of itself is silly. But people have very different dynamics in their relationships- I have an aunt who has 8 children alone in her family. When one of her sons got married, He had his 4 brothers stand up with him along with his wife's 2 brothers. That's just siblings right there, and it's up to 6.

In the end, it's their wedding day, and if they want to have a larger WP and the complications that come with it, it's their choice. To me, it's almost like questioning why someone would choose the colours they chose.

ckonidak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_this-probably-sounds-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2a3757bf-6839-475d-8ad9-98167af3c138Post:ff51872c-837a-4347-adfe-86069a0f141e">Re: This probably sounds terrible...</a>:
[QUOTE]Choosing people just for the sake of having a large WP in and of itself is silly. But people have very different dynamics in their relationships- I have an aunt who has 8 children alone in her family. When one of her sons got married, He had his 4 brothers stand up with him along with his wife's 2 brothers. That's just siblings right there, and it's up to 6. In the end, it's their wedding day, and if they want to have a larger WP and the complications that come with it, it's their choice. <em>To me, it's almost like questioning why someone would choose the colours they chose.
</em>Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

That's a really good point. I definitely should have been more detailed in my OP as to why I'm so frustrated about this with my friends, but in the end, you're right. It doesn't really affect me, so I'm not sure why it bothered me so much. Just wanted to send a thanks to those that posted on here, as I said before, it's nice to talk to brides that really care about who's up there with them, and aren't just worried about "sides" or "pictures."