MIL issues!

saraannevans

Hey all I have a dilemma. My fiance and I have been together for almost 8 years now. The whole eight years of being together I NEVER liked his mother. She has done soo many manipulating things to him I can't even begin to tell you everything. She has only recently stopped her manipulating games only because he told her hes had enough. He has seemed to be able to forgive her but I can't. If it wasn't for her 1 i would be married already and 2 we would have the money to get married. Anyways, I don't want her to have any part in planning the wedding, I don't want her there for anything, if she couldn't go to the wedding I would be happy. Well she is medling with the wedding plans and talking to my fiance about different ideas that we already pretty much agreed on. She has no say because she has no fiancial way of supporting the wedding. Sorry i'm kind of venting too.. So the question is how can I nicely say stay the hell out of this.
Thanks for listening!

Beachy730

How does your FI feel about her opinions she's giving?  Is he trying to use her ideas?  You and FI need to be on the same boat with us, and then just smile and nod to your FMIL and say "thanks, we'll keep that in mind," or "we've already decided what our favors will be," or something like that.

FWIW, my MIL would give the most absurd suggestions ever for our wedding.  I wouldn't even dignify them with a response usually.  She didn't contribute to the wedding at all so I didn't feel bad. 

wegsmom

It's not your place to say anything to her...it's your fiancee's respomsibility.

Best of luck...you'll need it!

Beachy730

OP- I highly suggest creating a new account if you plan on continuing to post here.  You shouldn't have your full name in your account name, and definitely shouldn't sign with it.  There are lots of lurkers here, and some do crazy things, like cancel peoples weddings and stuff.  Just a heads up. 

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mil-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2d6aa894-6a36-48d1-964d-6d9cd692c4bbPost:a6f0bbdc-aa66-4628-aeb9-735158f592d9">MIL issues!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey all I have a dilemma. My fiance and I have been together for almost 8 years now. The whole eight years of being together I NEVER liked his mother. She has done soo many manipulating things to him I can't even begin to tell you everything. She has only recently stopped her manipulating games only because he told her hes had enough. He has seemed to be able to forgive her but I can't. If it wasn't for her 1 i would be married already and 2 we would have the money to get married. Anyways, I don't want her to have any part in planning the wedding, I don't want her there for anything, if she couldn't go to the wedding I would be happy. Well she is medling with the wedding plans and talking to my fiance about different ideas that we already pretty much agreed on. She has no say because she has no fiancial way of supporting the wedding. Sorry i'm kind of venting too.. So the question is how can I nicely say stay the hell out of this. Thanks for listening!
Posted by saraannevans[/QUOTE]

<div>Like the other PP said, it's your FI's job to deal with his mom. Whatever you two decide he needs to tell his mom, "thanks, but we already decided to do this way" or "thanks for the suggestion, will take it in consideration." Basically, he needs to muster up some courage and stand up to his mom when she tries to control things. Also I would avoid ALL wedding talk with her, master the "bean dip" technique of changing the subject. I advise to not ever confront her because I'm sure you will probably snap on her and that definitely wouldn't be good. So tell your FI that he needs to control the situation with his mom butting into wedding planning and get ready for the many bean dips you both will have to do.</div>

saraannevans

Thank you everyone for your suggestions.. they really do help!