PAYING FOR DRESS QUESTIONS

nannewmur

My daughter is the MOH for a May wedding.   Her boyfriend and groom have been friends for over 20 years-she and the bride have been friends for seven months.  She was asked to be MOH and accepted and has offered to help with several things but is always turned down.  She does lived almost two hours away.  Anyway, dress was selected and bride asked her to go to local DB and try it on.  It was obviously meant for someone with a different body type and aftr discussing with bride, it was decided DD would wear a different dress then the other BMs. 

My daughter is a college senior who will be graduating the week before the wedding and will then start a two years masters program, during which time she can not work.  I feel this  is important to know because she is paying for the dress, which with everything, will come to about $260.00.  The bride now wants a specific colored bow made for each of the dresses and that bow is going to cost $30-$40 and is not something she would ever wear again. 

It is something she is expected to pay for or should she say somethng to the bride that she can not afford?  Other BM are two 15 y.o. cousins who have parents paying for all of their outfits.

Your thoughts are greatly appreciated!

[Deleted User]

If she accepted being in the WP, she is responsible for paying for the dress and rest of the attire. However, you may get different opinions on here. That being said, if the bride should be respective of individual situations and budgets. Is it a designer dress? As far as the specific accessories, if the bride is requiring those, she should pay for them for the BM's. But the dress, shoes & other accessories should be the responsiblity of the individual BM's. Good luck

MairePoppy

Being in a wedding party can be costly. The MOH and BMs are responsible for paying for their own outfits, but the bride should be considerate of their budgets. Since she is allowing your daughter to wear a different dress than the other two, she might also be willing to skip the sash. If that is not in her budget, she should let the bride know.

aerinpegadrak

Perhaps your daughter can look for the dress through an online wholesaler?  They usually offer much better prices than bridal shops.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_paying-dress-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:32f682f1-6b5a-4fab-b444-e1e45bcdfd8ePost:a94b1221-5ed2-4ec7-8972-b4b2ad6238eb">PAYING FOR DRESS QUESTIONS</a>:
[QUOTE]My daughter is the MOH for a May wedding.   Her boyfriend and groom have been friends for over 20 years-she and the bride have been friends for seven months.  She was asked to be MOH and accepted and has offered to help with several things but is always turned down.  She does lived almost two hours away.  Anyway, dress was selected and bride asked her to go to local DB and try it on.  It was obviously meant for someone with a different body type and aftr discussing with bride, it was decided DD would wear a different dress then the other BMs.  My daughter is a college senior who will be graduating the week before the wedding and will then start a two years masters program, during which time she can not work.  I feel this  is important to know because she is paying for the dress, which with everything, will come to about $260.00.  The bride now wants a specific colored bow made for each of the dresses and that bow is going to cost $30-$40 and is not something she would ever wear again.  It is something she is expected to pay for or should she say somethng to the bride that she can not afford?  Other BM are two 15 y.o. cousins who have parents paying for all of their outfits. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated!
Posted by nannewmur[/QUOTE]

Your daughter, when she agreed to be in the WP, agreed to take on the cost of the dress. However, if it's not in her budget, this is something she should discuss with the bride. Perhaps there is something they can work out. Maybe she can be without a bow or perhaps you and the bride can try to help her find the dress preworn online.

quotequeen

The bride should have asked her what her budget was for the dress, etc. before picking it out.  Since (I assume) she didn't do that, it's fine (IMO) for your daughter to let her know that she has a budget and while she will pay for the dress, she is unable to afford the additional cost for the bow.

lizstill13

I think if the bride is asking for something specific that was not part of the original dress then it should be considered in the same context as all other accessories and the bride should pay for. If it was a headband or shoes I think everyone on here would say the bride should pay for it. I don't see how this is any different.

ecsmiles

The bride should have asked your daughter beforehand what her budget is....It sounds like a lot to spend on her dress.  However, at the same time being in a wedding means that you're responsible for purchasing the attire. 

Maybe she can find a dress in the same color but a different style/price,  Since she is the MOH anyway, its not uncommon for her to look a little different to stand out. 

JulesMarie25

I do agree, that as a MOH or BM you agree to pay for your dress. However, if additional things that the bride aren't in her budget, maybe she could just be up front and honest with the bride politely. If one of my BM came to me about this, I would be understanding and willing to work with her....but I also never would have probably choosen a dress that would be that expensive too. I do have a BM who is in the middle of her masters program and is not able to work outside of her assistantship and she came to me because she could afford to get her hair done with all of us (which I did not require of my BM, but the whole party wanted to do it together) but couldn't afford to get me a large wedding present. I told her that being in the bridal party and flying in from out of state was enough of a gift from her. Maybe she could get lucky to be in the same situation as my BM with her bride.

vettechgirl

I'm going 50/50 with my MOH and BMs. Though, there are only two (at least right now- may be 3 in the future.).

Our arrangement is they can choose whatever style of dress they want (within reason. I don't mind a short dress, but nothing slutty), and they must stay under $200 each. Considering I'm willing pay half, I think that's a pretty reasonable budget. That means, they can purchase up to a $400 dress, and in this area, that's going to be hard to find unless they really try!

Anyhoo, maybe she could offer to go in 50/50?

amaka_md

The Daughter is well within her rights to say she cannot afford the payments. I am a bride and would not dream of asking my BMs to pay for dresses they cannot afford. But how do I know they cannot afford it if the BMs don't say anything.

To all BMs out there, if you cannot afford it, say so. The Bride might look for a cheaper alternative or cover the difference. But she might not know the details of your financial situations so if you say nothing, she will assume that you can afford it.

princesscorpio

I am paying for my MOH's dress and she is telling me she IS NOT WEARING the dress I picked out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTH!

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_paying-dress-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:32f682f1-6b5a-4fab-b444-e1e45bcdfd8ePost:024975bb-80d0-4703-bbd7-7a9c370eab43">Re: PAYING FOR DRESS QUESTIONS</a>:
[QUOTE]I am paying for my MOH's dress and she is telling me she IS NOT WEARING the dress I picked out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTH!
Posted by princesscorpio[/QUOTE]

Why didn't you ask for your MOH's input on a dress that she would be comfortable in instead of demanding that she wear a dress that she clearly doesn't want to wear?

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_paying-dress-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:32f682f1-6b5a-4fab-b444-e1e45bcdfd8ePost:024975bb-80d0-4703-bbd7-7a9c370eab43">Re: PAYING FOR DRESS QUESTIONS</a>:
[QUOTE]I am paying for my MOH's dress and she is telling me she IS NOT WEARING the dress I picked out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTH!
Posted by princesscorpio[/QUOTE]
Just because you paid for it doesn't mean she has to wear something that she hates.  

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_paying-dress-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:32f682f1-6b5a-4fab-b444-e1e45bcdfd8ePost:024975bb-80d0-4703-bbd7-7a9c370eab43">Re: PAYING FOR DRESS QUESTIONS</a>:
[QUOTE]I am paying for my MOH's dress and she is telling me she IS NOT WEARING the dress I picked out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTH!
Posted by princesscorpio[/QUOTE]
And clearly you presented this to her in the same calm, rational manner evidenced here.